[Jlesnik33]

If you make a promise to someone that you wouldn't go threw their stuff, but they promised they would never talk to someone. And you wind up snooping and see something you don't like, do you tell them? Or keep it to yourself?


Because honestly I don't know where to begin.

[justcurious55]

I think honesty is the best policy here. If you don't talk about it, it will probably go one of two ways. 1) you keep in bottled in and it eats away at you and destroys your relationship. Or 2) you keep pretending nothing happened, you eventually slip up and then you've snooped. They talked to someone they said they wouldn't. And then you've hidden what you know and it's become an even bigger mess. Might as well bite the bullet and talk about it now sooner than later.

[Jlesnik33]

I realize right off the bat, me and my other half are both at fault. I promised to never snoop. And she promised she would never talk to her ex. Both rules broken.

Trust is so important to me, and in a relationship, To
Be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved. And I understand that.

My guilt at the moment though is, I said I would never go threw you stuff. And since I said that I have twice. Both times finding things I did not like to see.

It wasn't anything major major, but they were big enough to hurt me on the inside.

But my girlfriend seems very happy with us.. together. And I believe that she has lied, to not hurt me..

I also believe that she should realize that she's wrong as well. And Im being greedy trying to figure out a way that I don't get caught (which I understand is wrong)


In a way I don't know how to bring it up at all.


And another question, sorry guys! Lol just have a lot on my mind at the moment.

If I didn't snoop and didn't know this fact. Would I be living a lie, am I wrong for what I did.should I of just left it, and hoped the truth would soon come out?

[answerme_tender]

You cannot say that trust is the most important thing to you in a relationship when you don't actually live by that rule. You said that you wouldn't snoop, yet you did, not once but twice. You are trying to justify why you broke your word by saying that she also lied. Bottom line is in any relationship if you are going to say how much you BELIEVE in something, then you better be able to show how to walk the walk you preach. Otherwise you need to change your words to, I like to say that trust is most important thing to a relationshp, but I don't abide by that rule, but I expect you too. We all make choices we regret, but you cannot condemn someone for making the same bad choice.

If honesty is really important, then you are going to have to sit down with her and explain the situaiton. Remember not to accuse, let her explain. Hopefully you can rebuild the trust. But remember, if you stick your nose into some place its not to be it could get bitten. I wish you the best for your relationship.

[Jlesnik33]

But its like if I didn't stick my nose in it, she would be getting away with it. That's where I keep asking myself where I do I win

But I do understand what you are saying and you are right. Thanks for taking out the time to help me!

[justcurious55]

Well, hopefully this will be a good opportunity then for both of you to work on re-building trust and being more honest.

[jrsomello]

I did the same thing today "snooped" and reading the responses to your post, especially "answermetender's" (which was great), I realize that snooping is wrong even if you do find something. If you saw certain behaviors which obviously showed infidelity or a reason to be untrusting, confront the person, but its true, SNOOPING DESTROYS TRUST and it can be very addictive especially when you find something. I did it today so I don't know the solution to overcoming the snoop obsession but I can tell you, it has done nothing good for my relationships. GOod Luck!