[blackorchid21]

Hi, I am looking for my biological father. All I have is a name and the school where he and my mother met. I live in IL and all files are sealed until I get a court order to have them opened. I don't know if I can post the name and info that I have on this forum. Could anyone help me out with this? Thank you so much!

[ScottGem]

This would not be the best forum to post the info. There are a number of WEB sites where adoptive children and their bio parents can post there desire to reconnect. I would suggest finding those and posting there.

Another possibility would be to use one of the graduate sites like classmates.com and see if they are listed along with their graduating class.

If you do find him through a search like that, I would urge you to not contact him directly, but through a third party (your clergyman or similar). First gauge his interest in reuniting with you. Remember he's entitled to privacy too.

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

Please do not listen to any negative people in this world. Especially being an adoptee, finding your birth family, or the what if's.
You are an adult. Your birth mother and father are an adults. He/she maybe searching for you. And it is up to you and your belief system to decided what is best for you and your first family and to search for him/her. There have been many happy reunion's. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
There is an adoptee support group: Yahoo! Groups as well as many others. You can do a browser search on the yahoogroups.com website and or googlegroups.com website.
May I suggest you start of there. It is very helpful to share your experiences as well as read other's experiences who have undergone the same things that you yourself have undergone. I have. And receive support and assistance in your search process.
Also, most adoptees decide to register with Adoption.com - Information on International, Domestic, Child & Agency Adoptions, Stories, Laws -. If there birthfamily is searching for them, in all likelihood they have registered there as well. Just leave a current and update email address. Because it may take time and you don't want to miss the opportunity by not having an active email address if he/she does try to find you.
There are many support groups for adoptees as well as birth mothers, and adoptive parents. More and more adoptive parents are realizing the necessity of knowing and having good communication with their child's first parents. It is no longer taboo. And open adoptive the mainstream today.
Please check at the Yahoo! Groups site and put in adoption in the browser search. Select a group that will assist you in your state or the state of where the adult adoptee was born. You will see how many people are in the same situation as you are in. Not everyone is negative about adoption. Some are, and you have to feel sorry for them.
But I am sure you have lived quite long enough to realize there are people out there that just want to discourage you. Discourage you from wondering, discourage you from searching yourself, discourage you from your getting your information, discourage you from searching and reunion.
Everyone is different. Everyone's path in life is different. You may just find your first family waiting for the past 29 years to find you. Please do not let anyone make you feel that you do not have any rights to search for him/her and find out if they are willing to reunite and or speak with you. He/She is an adult now. You are an adult now. And you and they can make up there own mind. There are millions of adoptees such as yourself searching and seeking a reunion. There are millions of birth mothers that are searching and seeking a reunion.
Get the support that is long overdue with a support group. Register with Adoption.com - Information on International, Domestic, Child & Agency Adoptions, Stories, Laws -, you never know if she/he is desperate to find you. Register with ISRR, International Soundex Reunion Registry, ISRR . com , Index of Search and Reunion Resources. And find out if there is a State run registry were the you were born or if you can register with them.
Again, he/she maybe waiting for you to register. And maybe not. But you never know until you find out yourself. You have a right to find out.

[sovaira]

You should not post it here for sure.
Get your DNA test done and analysed and then get it checked or cross checked with the DNA test of your dad
Oh but for that you need to know him.
If u have some clue about who he is, u can surely sue him and get his bloood cheked.


I think it won't help much unless you have some law support.

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

Just looking over old threads of mine and wanted to add a comment. If that is OK?
It isn't that I felt this board was negative. I was stating that many people who search find negative people along their journey. Even in the reunion process at times. Sometimes, siblings in a find, feel troubled about not being the older sister or older brother any longer and have resentment toward the relinquished child upon a find. As weird as that may sound, it happens. Or sometimes, they resent their parents for not telling them about the child. Disabling them for knowing their sibling for a better part of their lives, etc. There can be negativity felt through just wanting to know their biological heritage from their adoptive parents, as well. It is a term called, "the horse on the dining room table" in adoption terminology/lingo. It is where secrets lie at the table, and those secrets are unspoken and unknown to the child and the family. But alas, they are there, sitting at the table. Whether it is spoken or unspoken. The horse sits in waiting to either be taken for a ride and or ignored.

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

you should not post it here for sure.
get your DNA test done and analysed and then get it checked or cross checked with the DNA test of your dad
oh but for that you need to know him.
if u have some clue about who he is, u can surely sue him and get his bloood cheked.


i think it wont help much unless you have some law support.

Today, if you are a male- you can get your DNA analyzed for heritage purposes. They are able go back for centuries in surnames.
Yet, if you are female- you can only research your DNA on your mothers side. Whereby, many women did not and have not kept their birth given name when they married. Therefore, it is more difficult to research family names and common ancestors.
There are definitive tests available for cross matching traits in DNA when two donors are available for voluntary testing when adoption has taken place. Yet, an adult adopted individual may not be allowed that information and or ability to test their DNA for cross matching relation. An adopted individual without voluntary consent will need to legally sue with intent. Which basically means, you will have to be dying and or have had a diagnosis of a genetic illness and probably still be on your deathbed for your biological DNA information in many states. Many adult adopted individuals and children have died in the process of legally pursuing their DNA information. And opening up closed records. That may never had beem a guaranteed to biological relatives to begin with at the time, legally, personally and or verbally. Most closed record adoption states made this determination, without legal consent from the biological parents, the adoptive parents and most importantly, the adopted individual. Whether an adult or not. Most adult adoptees feel that as far as a legal standpoint, not having access to their Vital records disable them from their constitutional rights in the USA. Which disables them from understanding what lies within their veins. Maybe someday, some genius will provide answers to adoptees without having to know their biological relation for individual gene mutation cross matching, without difficulty. This is my hope and prayer. It could save many lives.

[sovaira]

Today, if you are a male- you can get your DNA analyzed for heritage purposes. They are able go back for centuries in surnames.
Yet, if you are female- you can only research your DNA on your mothers side. Whereby, many women did not and have not kept their birth given name when they married. Therefore, it is more difficult to research family names and common ancestors.
There are definitive tests available for cross matching traits in DNA when two donors are available for voluntary testing when adoption has taken place. Yet, an adult adopted individual may not be allowed that information and or ability to test their DNA for cross matching relation. An adopted individual without voluntary consent will need to legally sue with intent. Which basically means, you will have to be dying and or have had a diagnosis of a genetic illness and probably still be on your deathbed for your biological DNA information in many states. Many adult adopted individuals and children have died in the process of legally pursuing their DNA information. And opening up closed records. That may never had beem a guaranteed to biological relatives to begin with at the time, legally, personally and or verbally. Most closed record adoption states made this determination, without legal consent from the biological parents, the adoptive parents and most importantly, the adopted individual. Whether an adult or not. Most adult adoptees feel that as far as a legal standpoint, not having access to their Vital records disable them from their constitutional rights in the USA. Which disables them from understanding what lies within their veins. Maybe someday, some genius will provide answers to adoptees without having to know their biological relation for individual gene mutation cross matching, without difficulty. This is my hope and prayer. It could save many lives.

I think it was a little bit more detailed, you could have simply suggested that it is not that easy to find your Biological parents in all... :P


But I would suggest,just wait until you can have that file from the court, because the things can legally be operational after that... best of luck

[Synnen]

The OP on this question has not been back in over a year.

I move that the question be closed.

[FeelSoNumbZombie]

Maybe the OP found her/his father? Wouldn't be nice to know for sure? Plus, since I didn't post in close to a year, it was nice to be able to clear up what I was trying to say, etc. It wasn't that anyone posted negatively at this board or thread in explanation. I was trying to convey that upon a search process, a searcher will encounter many obstacles. Legally, ethical standpoints, moral dilemmas, and most profoundly- misunderstanding of why a person decides to search and feel entitlement to their Adult Vital Records in this country. Which most people take for granted, unless they are deprived of their information and or need it for or in their future.

[sovaira]

SYNNEN

But people seem interested in it and may be someone else can benefit from it , by reading different views on this topic, we can never say that someone doesnot read our minor most views on this website, but I have seen people starting live another lives only through reading from the posts and making themselves right from picking what they should.


Best of luck for OP.

FWNZ ,I thank you for such good replies that are going to be best understandable to the person finding his Dad. Well I would still suggest him to stay quiet until he gets legal rights and permission.