[peaceandharmony]

I had an emotional breakup with my ex after 14 months because he got scared of committing to our future, as I have children I decided I should move on but it broke my heart. My boyf didn't want to split but during our discussions he said he didn't love me as much as he used to etc etc and I couldn't go back from the things he said.

In hindsight I think there were a lot of things that went unsaid or weren't discussed better due to my emotions.

Since out breakup I limited contact and through trying to be strong and not give in to having my relationship back on the old terms I missed the opportunity to get back together because I knew nothing would change I still would feel like I wasn't getting the commitment and love I needed to feel secure after the heartbreaking things he told me during our breakup (I think a lot of the things said on both sides were to protect our true feelings! - my ex has been seriously hurt in the past and carries a lot of baggage)

Since the split I went on the rampage, dating via match.com and I had a brief 3 weeker with a guy and my ex's friends saw me out with this guy and I don't think that has helped matters.

I still love him, I saw him last weekend by chance when he shouted me across a supermarket car park, he looked pleased to see me as I was him, it turned out we were taking our kids to the same place that afternoon, only when I saw him there he introduced me to a girl he was with (he said she wasn't his girlfriend but I think he is seeing her) He obviously had the opportunity to tell me he was with someone in the supermarket but chose not to, I think he enjoyed scoring a point on me but I honestly think he still has feelings for me because if he really liked this girl he would tell me she was his girlfriend.

He is a very needy guy who can't be on his own so I expected this to happen and I know rebound relationships don't work. I really love him though. I haven't contacted him since seeing him with someone else as I refuse to rise to it. I need a game plan unless I being a total idiot, but we had the best relationship before and it would be a shame to not try to fix it. People keep telling me to let him go play the field, he'll realise the grass isn't greener but I think he thinks he's lost me when he hasn't, when I see him I am happy confident and look good so I am doing all the right things there, just don't know what move to make next if any!

Help I'm going mad lol!

[talaniman]

Yes you do need a plan, one that works for you whether he comes back or not. Facts is your broken up, and not running around (your rampage?) trying to fill a void that he left. Understandable, but not useful, or effective. May I suggest you build a life that you enjoy, with friends and activities, that make you happy, and allow you to be cool calm and collected, as you focus on healing, and ridding yourself of the confusion that break ups bring. In this way whether he gets his act together or not, you won't be waiting around for him. Your healing must be a priority now and never mind whether his rebound works or not. Why even be distracted by what he does when all that matters is what you do for yourself, and the options, and opportunities you have to enjoy, for you, and your family.

Cutting all contact with him, will allow your emotional dust to settle and make better decisions in YOUR own interest, based on FACTS, and not just FEELINGS.

[Normalguy]

Does he have a Facebook account, maybe send him an email, ask him out to lunch, subway or something. Otherwise leave it alone you need to heal.

[rockerchick_682]

If he doesn't want the same things you want then it's good that you broke it off with him! Sounds like you're being a strong independent woman :). It's hard when we lose someone in our lives, but that just leaves room for other great things! Take up a class, or do something you've always wanted to do. Have fun dating, but make sure you're doing it for you and not because of insecurities. Don't worry about what could have been, or what will be, just have fun!