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Brokenheart9420 · Oct 29, 2010, 01:34 PM

OK I;m going through a lot of crap right now... my girlfriend of 6 years just broke up with me I'm her first love and she's my first love. I got home last Wednesday to a note on the table saying that she had left me and pretty much wasn't coming back and she had been feeling like this for awhile. I didn't sleep for 48 hours couldn't eat anything and then I finally got a hold of her and she's talking about selling the house and whose going to get what how the bills are going to be separated.. and I just can't believe she's talking about this so fast... I thaught maybe we could try to make this work. But it doesn't seem like she wants to try. She says its her and not me, that I'm not loved like I should be and I should get someone better, but I don't want anyone else. I'm trying to give her space and not bug her too much. We have so much together, a house 2 vehicles 2 dogs. I talked to her on face book today and telling her that I'm feeling better and that we need to talk face to face about this but she says shes' not ready and she's not ready to try to make this work right now. So what should I do

I wish · Oct 29, 2010, 01:45 PM

IF you want to do something, then let her know how you feel by email, but it might not change your situation. Her feelings and intentions are clear.

The difficult part right now is accepting the truth and reality.

Either way, give yourself some time to digest what's happening before you decide what to do next.

If she's been contemplating a break up for a while, then she's fairly sure of her decision. Furthermore, like you said, it feels like she's not even giving you a chance to repair the relationship. The reason she's not even giving you a chance is because she doesn't want to give you that chance because she's already given up. Again, it's difficult to accept reality as the initial stages of a break up can be very shocking.

Let the emotional dust settle. Focusing on trying to heal from your pains first.

Wondergirl · Oct 29, 2010, 01:51 PM

She's not talking about this "so fast." As you mentioned, she said "she had been feeling like this for awhile." It's not at all new to her, just to you. She's had time to chew on it, figure out what she wants to do, and start doing it. And oh, by the way, to you with no warning, boom! It's over.

What should you do? I don't think you have much choice. Oh, and that's just a "nice" way for her to say it, "I don't love you like I should" and "you should find someone better." The reality is SHE no longer loves you like she should and SHE has or wants to find someone better.

Katherine Kubler-Ross says we go through five stages of grief in all sorts of order, back and forth, when we suffer a loss: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, eventually, acceptance. You seem to be mostly in the first stage right now -- incredulous, disbelieving, shocked, "this can't be happening!"

My advice to you is to separate from her as quickly as possible in order to get her out of your life, move on, and maintain No Contact. You deserve better, and I wish you well.

slapshot_oi · Oct 29, 2010, 03:02 PM

Actually, I recommend against telling her how you feel, in fact don't talk to her at all. She knows you feel like garbage, she broke up with you with a note for Christ's sake.

Wondergirl pointed it out, but her line "it's not you, it's me" is garbage and there's really another meaning to all of that. But do not try and find out details on why she left you because what you will hear will hurt you and it will make it even harder to move on.

Just stop talking to her.

talaniman · Oct 30, 2010, 06:49 AM

What a shocker!! When things hit us unexpectedly from out of the blue, we go into shock, and its very important to get through this period with our health intact. Its hard, but as you get your bearing back you would see that she was hiding something from you for a long time, or you missed it distracted by something else.

Either way, people seldom make such quick decisions like this, and no doubt this has been something that has been on her mind a long time, and she finally got the courage to actually do it. I think she is as hurt as you are, and you both have to take some time apart to first get over the shock, and then put yourself on some normal level to carry on without each other.

My advice is to leave her alone, and get your head together, so you can function normally, and make the right adjustments to heal. Friends and family are what will give you support during this very hard, and trying time.

cozyk · Oct 30, 2010, 06:50 AM

There is nothing you can do except start the healing process. She is not open to "talking about it" because she has made up her mind. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is to keep your dignity, allow yourself to mourn, keep your heart open and not slammed shut with bitterness, and take any lesson from this that you can. I wish you luck and peace of mind. It will be a rough road in the beginning, but it WILL get better.