[wrongful hurtings]

Well me and my ex broke up after 3 years and I started hanging out with someone I was attracted to and friends with for a long time priar. However she is engaged with a guy she's not to sure if she will be with forever. The other night she kissed me, I tried to stop her but couldn't last to long as I liked her before. Then one thing led to another and three days later we slept together. Although I hate myself for doing it, not because I didn't want to but because she is engaged and I don't want to be the reason they broke or break up. Now should I hate myself should I be mad at myself. She is the one that started it although I could have stopped it. She doesn't regret it and well maybe it would save her from marrying they guy she doesn't know if she can be with forever. Does this make me a bad person?

[CaptainForest]

No, this does not make you a bad person.

You are single, you can sleep with who ever you want.

If she wants to cheat on her fiancé, then that is her choice.

It's not like there are children involved.

Although I wouldn't recommend dating this girl since if she can cheat on him, she can also cheat on you.

[Wildcat21]

Yes, I would NOT get involved with this woman.

Please don't.

As I always say... ONCE A CHEATER, ALWAYS A CHEATER. SHE WILL CHEAT ON YOU ONE DAY - WITH OUT ANY REGRETS. PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS. People who cheat have some weird wiring that they feel it's OK to cheat and try and justify inside that it's OK.

Obviously she shouldn't be getting married either. I feel bad for the schmuck that's marrying her... he has to have some gut insinct that she's no good.

[wrongful hurtings]

Were not going to hook up its more or less just a fling so does it make me bad now?

P.S. who knows maybe one day but right now I highly dought we would ever get together.

[s_cianci]

I won't say it makes you a bad person but sleeping with someone else's fiancée isn't a good thing. She's definitely as much to blame as you are, in a sense even more so since she's the one who's engaged to someone else. If she's so unsure of having a future with this guy then she had no business accepting an engagement in the first place. I don't think you can rationalize having slept with her as a way of "rescuing" her from a unhappy marital commitment. Ultimately that's a decision she has to make for herself, whatever feelings she may have for you notwithstanding. It sounds like you care for this girl but if she were to break off the engagement with this other guy and become "available" I'd be very leery as it sounds like she doesn't use very prudent judgement. After all she slept with someone while engaged to someone else. If you and her become involved and she begins to develop some doubts (which is almost inevitable in any serious relationship) do you want her to "resolve" them by sleeping with someone else?

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes it is a terrible thing, and you are no doomed to hell for all eternity.

What you want to here? Yes of course you should have not slept with someone that is enganged, and if she slept with you, she should break the engagement off, since it means she is not committed to this person, and if she as you said, does not believe she wants to be with him forever, she should break off the engagement.

Now you were "hanging" with her, of course you wanted her to fall for you and most likely yes you wanted to sleep with her. You are trying to rationalise it to make it sound like a noble thing.

Well first of course I don't believe in "sleeping" together if you are not married, so even if you were both free I would still condemn it but hey, that is my job, see the collar?

Now it does not sound like she wanted to be engaged, hanging out with other guys, saying she did not want to be with him forever, but that is her and most certainly her fiancés BIG PROBLEM.

I don't think you need to be invovled with her until she decides what she wants. Of course could you really ever trust her, would you see her doing with someone else what she did with you?

[bizygurl]

I don't think you're a bad person either. The one who is in a relationship is her and she initially made the choice to cheat on her fiancée. But I'm going to look at the other side of this issue. Some are saying.. "ounce a cheater always a cheater" I think that things in life aren't always so cut and dry, black and white. The question is: why did she cheat on her fiancée? It isn't impossible to fall out of love with someone even if it is a fiancée. How do we know that this fiancée didn't cheat on her and she felt it was payback? How do we know that there isn't something missing in her relationship that maybe she is finding in you. And lastly how do we know she regrets what she did. And possibly feels horrible about it.

Im not saying cheating is right. It never is. Im just merely pointing out the possible reasons she slipped up. And at this point she needs to ask herself if this man that she's engaged to is the right person for her, now that she's crossed the line. Did she ever tell you why she wanted to sleep with you. If I were you I would just back off for now.. no fling no contact. She's going to have to work this mess out on her own.

Though the flip side to this is what everyone has mentioned.. maybe she is a cheater and just doesn't care... in that sense you need to be weary of her.

[wrongful hurtings]

I know that I probley shouldn't have done what I did however I did it and don't really regret it, although it did make life a little more difficult. I guess life will go on though, but it was one of the first times I just let life happen instead of trying to plan my every move. So it was kind of nice and one heck of an experience to walk on the wild side for a change, but I guess time will tell how wise it really was. I do think that letting life just happen to a certain extent is a great thing it keeps things spontainous and kind of keeps you on the edge of your seat. Thus making life a little more exciting and not so blan. However maybe I stepped over the line I don't know but whatever happens next is going to be a mystery for now and who knows. Anyway thanks all for you opinons they were better then I expected.

[fredg]

Hi, wrongful,
You have some very good answers already.
Just would like to add that "No", it doesn't make you a bad person.
Now, if you get more into it, and think about sleeping with a Married woman, then I would have to say "Don't even think about it".
What happened was a result of the girl, not you. She is the one who made the choice, and her engagement was in trouble long before she met you!

[DJ 'H']

You are not the bad person here, she is. She is the one that has cheated on her partner and is leading you down a path of confusion. She has issues she needs to deal with quite clearly and if she does not want to be with her partner but is quite happy to be engadged to him then that's down to her. This is not your problem and it's you should not make it your problem.

At the end of the day she is the one digging herself a very big hole, so let her do so; but withput taling you down with her.

[Krs]

I don't believe you a truly a bad person for doing for you did, as its not you that cheated. But the fact that you knew she was engaged makes a slight difference I think. I would watch your next move though. You can't decide for her by saying it would save her from marrying the wrong person, sleeping with someone else is definitley not the right way of her making that decission. Id stay away until she makes up her mind because if you keep on seeing her you'll probably get attached to her, and then what if she still gets married!

[openbook12]

Hi Wrongful.
I think you need to ask yourself what YOU really feel about the situation. The fact that you are asking if you are "a bad person" means that you may already have judged yourself that way, underneath the statements of "I do not feel guilty..."
If you find that you are feeling something negative about this you may want to look into your own values and see if you may have crossed a line somewhere. Only you can know the answer to that. If you have violated something there (important that its YOUR values, not someone else's that you think about) it may be a good idea to forgive yourself, plan not to repeat this violation of your own code... and press on.

[kp2171]

You both are bad, naughty people.

Three Hail Mary's and 20 pushups now!

Look, you KNOW its wrong. It's a rhetorical question.

She's used you once and maybe she'll use you again as an excuse.

You are guilty of liking a person a lot and making a stupid choice...

" she is engaged with a guy shes not to sure if she will be with forever"... now how silly is that statement? If she's getting cold feet, she needs to figure it out.

As for you, you need a little more willpower. Tho' she's more seriously in error, sleeping with people who are engaged is bad. Not good. It takes two to tangle, tango, whatever.

I disagree that she'd doomed to forever be a cheater. She's obviously not ready to be married and not willing to break it off yet for some reason. But yeah, if you guys decide to make a go of it you'll probably be asking for trouble... at least until she figures out what she wants.

[DJ 'H']

Cheers bizygurl, I have seen this happen to many times.

That pic of me and pete was taken last Friday - I thought it was rather cute and just had to display it as my aviatar. :) xxx

[wrongful hurtings]

I would like to add to my previous comments. Although I know that its probley not right to sleep with someone who is engaged. The thing that gets me is this whole thing is against my nature, I mean never in my life have I done anything nor thought I would do anything like this, but I did and the funny thing is I'm kind of glad it made me look at life a little differently and realize and fix things that I could never imagine to do. In a sense its helped in the way that I can just let life happen and to an extent you have to and that's one thing Im going to take from this no matter what happens. However, the other funny thing is I don't regret it, and I have never ever felt like this about a girl. Now the feeling I have I'm not sure what it is I can't say its love I can't say its not. I can't say its anything specific its just different and I never had this feeling before. The cool thing is that she did say she will never forget me and to be honest I don't think she ever will. I think there's this weird connection between us that I have never felt nor had with anyone else but only time will tell what kind of a connection it really is. The only thing I'm worried about now is if she gets married to this guy but he's not the right one. I don't know if he is or isn't only she knows that, I just hope that when she makes that decision she does what it is she honestly thinks she should do and what she wants to do. Whatever it is I will support her... sorry... I will not hate her for any decision she makes. I know that me and her are most likely never to become anything or even give it a try, but for now I'm enjoying the time with her.

I would also like to say that once a cheater always a cheater is a false statement. Now I have never cheated on anyone and hopefully never will so can't be 100% sure but I do know that just because people have cheated for whatever reason they might not... sorrry... won't if its someone there really hard core about someone who they can't afford to lose because if they do there world is destroyed so just because someone cheated or made a mistake in there life doesn't mean they will always do it.

Have you ever made a mistake? But later stopped and never made that mistake again... I have and guess what Im sure you have too people can change its not easy but its possible and they will change if they really want to. Keyword IF.

[DJ 'H']

I would like to add to my previous comments. Although I know that its probley not right to sleep with someone who is engaged. The thing that gets me is this whole thing is against my nature, I mean never in my life have I done anything nor thought I would do anything like this, but I did and the funny thing is I'm kinda glad it made me look at life a little differently and realize and fix things that I could never imagine to do. In a sense its helped in the way that I can just let life happen and to an extent you have to and thats one thing Im going to take from this no matter what happens. However, the other funny thing is I dont regret it, and I have never ever felt like this about a girl. Now the feeling I have im not sure what it is I can't say its love I can't say its not. I can't say its anything specific its just different and I never had this feeling before. The cool thing is that she did say she will never forget me and to be honest I don't think she ever will. I think theres this weird connection between us that I have never felt nor had with anyone else but only time will tell what kind of a connection it really is. The only thing I'm worried about now is if she gets married to this guy but hes not the right one. I don't know if he is or isn't only she knows that, I just hope that when she makes that decision she does what it is she honestly thinks she should do and what she wants to do. Whatever it is I will support her...sorry...I will not hate her for any decision she makes. I know that me and her are most likely never to become anything or even give it a try, but for now I'm enjoying the time with her.

I would also like to say that once a cheater always a cheater is a false statement. Now I have never cheated on anyone and hopefully never will so can't be 100% sure but I do know that just because people have cheated for whatever reason they might not...sorrry...won't if its someone there really hard core about someone who they can't afford to lose because if they do there world is destroyed so just because someone cheated or made a mistake in there life doesn't mean they will always do it.

Have you ever made a mistake? but later stopped and never made that mistake again......I have and guess what Im sure you have too people can change its not easy but its possible and they will change if they really want to. Keyword IF.

The cheater statement was not aimed at you, it was aimed at this girl who has a fiancée and in my experience of men who have done this to me, they never change their spots. My ex is with another girl now and is doing to her what he did to me and he has a proceeding line of women before hand who is also did it too. But lets not loose site of the important thing here.

People come in to our lives all the time, some stay forver, some stay for a short period and some come and go. The reason they all come into our life is to help us out of a tricky situation, to teach us something about ourselves or about life, or to be there for us.

This girl obviously landed on your doorstep to teach something about life and about yourself. This is always a good thing and aids you in becoming a much better and stronger person (even though you were a great guy anyway) - but there is always room for everyone to improve on something as no one is perfect. This is why you don't regret it and on the other hand you have done nothing wrong anyway. She has made a mistake cheating on her fiancée and fingers crossed that she has learnt something out of all of this and hopefull will do the right thing by her fiancée and come clean. Staring a marriage based on lies or deception leaves only one thing - FALIURE!!

Your feelings are all mixed up because you have never done anything like this before and even though you don't feel bad about it - (which you don't need to anyway) you need to realise that this is a turning point for you and the only way to go now is forward - you are taking the first steps into shaping yourself as a person!!

[wrongful hurtings]

That was the most interesting and straight forward thing I have ever read and well how very well written

[wrongful hurtings]

Well it came to an end the enjoyment, the out of the blue activities and well she decided tonight that she's going to try to work things out with her fiancé and well were not going to be sleeping together obivisoly I can't say I didn't see it coming but there was a little hope I had of something else happening but I guess not, now I have to get on with my life but its tough because I really like the company and companion ship its not event the sex that matters it's the talk and the time spent together but now I have no one to share my life with and well Im the kind of guy who needs someone weather its just a really good friend or something more I just want a girl to hang out with. SO NOW WHAT DO I DO?

[jeffatl]

Whenever you get that "urge" just take a peek down at her finger and look at her ring. That's what I did, and found it to be kind of funny afterwards.

[DJ 'H']

Yes you like & want the companionship and the closeness with someone - you do not want the girl. Why don't you just stop seeing this girl so much and get out there and meet other people. Find that certain special someone to have companionship & closeness with, someone who isavaliable and able to give you back what you give them.