[Leela44]

I met my ex when I was 14, we dated for a while but we were both too immature to handle a serious relationship. It boiled down into fighting, him going out with friends, etc. and totally ignoring me for a good part of the last months of our relationship. Before things got physical, we had been friends for about a year. We dated for a year after that. He is the one that broke it off and he was really mature and not mean about it. I had been staying with his family (I was 16, his family let me stay over for the summer), so we went for a walk and had a nice day and then he took me to the airport and sat with me until my flight. I insisted on being strong for him, so we parted without tears, friendly but not keeping in contact.

After about two years he contacted me, I was in a new relationship and in college. We agreed we sucked as partners, but would be friends. He was in a relationship, I was in a relationship. We got along great and he has always been the one person I can talk to about anything. He apologized for the way he acted while we were dating (ignoring me for video games, being out with his friends all night every night... in other words, being a normal teenage boy). I told him there was nothing to apologize for, I wasn't an angel either. He is my best friend and has been since I got to know him. Two years didn't change how well we got along! He asked me for girl advice after he broke up with his then-girlfriend, when he fell for another girl that didn't return his affection he leaned on me. I in turn turned to him when I had a fight with my boyfriend. I still had feelings for him, but I accepted nothing would or could ever happen again.

Well... long story short, I got in a new relationship with an older man. He is fourteen years older than me and has a mean jealous streak. He forced me to cut off contact with my ex and all male friends. So we didn't talk for nearly five years. I accepted my current boyfriend is abusive and I want to get out of it, but lack the funds. So... I'm secretly saving up money to move back home. I really needed a friend to help me get through this, so I sent a message to my ex who has always been my friend and there when I needed him. He of course has been great and kept my strength up through being thrown around, forced to have sex etc by current boyfriend. He also talks me out of my self-loathing doubts of maybe I am to blame for this... in short, he's still my best friend. BUT I STILL have feelings for him as more than a friend, after ten years and five not even talking to him. *sigh*

I know nothing can happen between us, he lives 4,000 miles away from where I call home now. We have different lives, he has life goals and a career and three cats. I have to go back to college, get my life sorted and get on my feet after five years in an abusive relationship. Every day I want to tell him I still love him, but I cherish his friendship too much to risk it. How can I get that pesky thought out of my head? I don't want to lose him as a friend - and frankly five years apart has done nothing to stop me caring for him anyway. I have had three relationships since him, all of them serious/semi-serious. I'm not exactly hanging on, but I do still get that rush of emotion and he still makes me smile every time I even think of him... I still get a little jealous when he tells me about his latest girl. But he trusts me, I trust him.. we respect each other. We're both shy and we like being able to talk to each other freely without fear of saying the wrong thing, we both know we can't say anything to make the other go away. But at the same time, we both accepted that if ever the others SO has a problem, we will cut off contact until such a time as we are allowed to talk again and it won't hurt our friendship one bit.

I haven't told him any of this - except that he is my best friend and he knows it. He wouldn't tell me if he felt anything for me, but we both know it can't happen even if the feelings are mutual. We don't even live in the same country anymore! Lol What should I do? :(

This guy was my first kiss. My first love. My first boyfriend. My first sexual partner. I know that has a lot to do with the old feelings still being there.

[Justwantfair]

A lot of things have changed in your lives and as a first love you may always have those feelings.

The fact is, you need to focus on you first. Getting away from you abuser and spending some time before you are even ready for a new relationship. Take the important steps first. He will still be there for you, even if it only ends up remaining a friendship. Focus on your needs and the goals you have set that are healthy for you.

Seek assistance from a battered woman shelter and your family, but get out of this relationship quickly.

[talaniman]

You are in a bad place in life, and confusing gratitude with love. I wish you luck, and prayers to remove yourself from your situation, and think once you are safe, you will see that its still friendship and a great one.

I think you both will always love each other as friends. Just leave it at that.

[mmresd]

Yes, you need to get out of the relationship you are in now. And keep this guy as a friend, because if you care about him and he seems to have several good things going for him, you wouldn't want to bring him down with you. Resolve your problems first and be happy that you have a FRIEND that loves you enough to always be there for you even though you haven't had much contact lately. And although the "cherry popper" might have a strong knot with you I think that it is more that you are confused about how you feel that you are feeling this desperate. You love him as a friend, and appreciate him as one, but he is nothing more than that, and he hasn't been for a really long time, so think about yourself and start getting over him, unless he shows some promise about wanting to be with you, just make just not to confuse it with him being good to a friend, which is what you are to him now.

Good Luck,

Javi

[simii]

I guess they all are saying correct... right now think about yourself you are in a miserable situation he is there as your friend and supporting you in your misery be happy that you have some to help you... 1st get out of this relationship you are in you are too young dear get out of that place and go to college sought out your life stand on your feet. He is there as a friend for you and that's too much don`t think about getting into a relationship again for time being get out from this relationship 1st and than join your college be single for some time so that you will have full time for yourself and you can concentrate on your carrier and life he was always with you and always will be. Its hard to forget 1st love but nothing is impossible sweety so relax think about yourself now later if things goes on track back you can think how he feels for you and what he wants but before that take care of yourself and get out that place 1st take some help if needed from battered women shelter or something like that. Take care of yourself... god bless