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Bubbles2010 · Oct 26, 2010, 08:51 PM

I've been dealing with a married man for a while and he says that he isn't happy. They don't have any kids together, but been together 12 years. Most of his time is spent with me when he's not at work. I really love this man and I know he loves me too. I'm I wrong for this, please help.

Alty · Oct 26, 2010, 08:55 PM

One question. If he's not happy, there aren't any kids involved, than why is he staying married if he loves you so much?

The answer is simple. He's not in love with you, you're just a bit of fun on the side. He's not willing to leave his wife for you, so why are you willing to put your life on hold for him?

Wouldn't you rather be with someone that can give himself to you completely, someone that hasn't proven that cheating is no big deal for him?

J_9 · Oct 26, 2010, 09:25 PM

Do you know why there aren't kids? Maybe it's not possible for them. Maybe it's not a choice.

Are you wrong? Yes, you are. If he loved you he would be out of the marital home and in your bed every night.

Enigma1999 · Oct 26, 2010, 10:02 PM

I agree with the others.

If he was in love with you, then he would be with you, with or without children.

Also, if he was that unhappy with his wife, he would most likely leave her, and especially if they don't have children.

I would let this one go.

Find someone who will devote all of their time in/with you.

Good luck.

I wish · Oct 27, 2010, 06:50 AM

If he's so unhappy, he should leave his wife. But he doesn't, so he's obviously still has some connection with her.

You're just his thing on the side. If you know it's wrong, why do you continue?

Since you're single, you should go out and meet new people. Don't get trapped in such a difficult situation. I wonder how his wife would feel if she found out about you.

Justwantfair · Oct 27, 2010, 06:53 AM

Twelve years is a long time to spend with someone you do not love.

I agree with the others, if he did not love his wife, then he would not be married.

Yes, being involved in this situation is wrong. In fact, you already know that or you wouldn't ask. Why would you want to be with anyone that you can not share with the world and that you have to keep a secret?

jelly1bean · Oct 27, 2010, 01:58 PM

Of course it is wrong!! You know yourself it is wrong or you wouldn't be asking the question. Honestly, how could you love this man? He isn't honest, he is a cheater, he doesn't keep his promises (marriage vows), if he cheats with you... he WILL cheat on you. Why would you as a woman do that to another woman? Obviously you have never been cheated on, if you had that is NO way your would even consider getting involved with a man in a relationship much less one that is married. RUN!!

Bubbles2010 · Oct 27, 2010, 02:27 PM

Nothg about what we do is a secret. He came at me straight forward and never lied about anything that went on. His family told me he got married for da wrong reason. He was fresh out da pin and needed somethg stable

Bubbles2010 · Oct 27, 2010, 02:44 PM

He is in da process of leaving, but in order to leave he wants to make sure all his 's r crossed and all I's r dotted. I know its wrong in some sense, but if I didn't believe he would leave I would be out of there

I wish · Oct 27, 2010, 02:48 PM

IF he actually does leave his wife, then you can consider pursuing something more with him, because then you will know that he actually broke it off.

But if he's still with her, then he's still married and you're just his mistress. Is that really what you want to be?

I strongly suggest that you leave him alone until he's actually single. Then maybe you can pursue something.

On the other hand, there's 6+ billion people in the world. There might not be 6 billion bachelor's for you, but I'm sure there might be a few good ones, WHO ARE SINGLE, out there that you haven't met you. Why not give them a chance? You might find something you like.

Remember, you're single, you're not tied down to anyone. So why restrict yourself like? Go out and meet new people.

Bubbles2010 · Oct 27, 2010, 02:53 PM

Thanks 4 that one

Alty · Oct 27, 2010, 03:10 PM

Bubbles, please don't use the comment feature to post, use the post feature, it should be at the bottom of the page. :)

The post feature has unlimited space, the comment feature only allows around 250 characters. It will just make it easier for you to post and for us to respond.

Thanks. :)

mmresd · Oct 28, 2010, 08:21 AM

Married men, are off limits to you! No kids, been together 12 years? Sounds to me like he might actually like his wife but needs something on the side. Respect him by respecting his relationship and if he was to make the choice of getting a divorce (through no help from you) then great, but don't let him cheat on his wife, because if you do if you ever get what you ultimately want with this guy, then you will be the wife in this scenario, and that wouldn't be fun for you. So, maybe tell him how you feel and then BACK OFF, don't pursue this any further since this situation is not one to be pursued!

Good Luck,

Javi

Bubbles2010 · Oct 28, 2010, 04:38 PM

The whole story couldn't be told, but that marriage was destroyed before I came around. We were introduced by his sister who informed me of his situation. He never lied about anything from that day on. I wasn't into it at first until I seen all he was saying was true. Going places with him, visiting his family she always said no, but I was there, only as friends at first. Now to make this short We've been a couple for little over a year. The last four months his been living with me, so yes he is in MY BED every night. He is in the process of getting a divorce. My whole point was to see the reaction about the situation. Yes, I thought it was wrong in the beginning,but not now. I feel whatever you do to get that man in the beginning is the same things you should keep doing to keep him happy.:-)

Alty · Oct 28, 2010, 04:43 PM

Bubbles, I do understand what you're saying, but I hope you can understand where we're all coming from as well.

The fact is, he is still married. He may be in the process of getting a divorce, but he's not divorced. You're still the other woman, like it or not.

I'm married, and I have been for 15 years. I know how I would feel if my husband had an affair, even if things weren't going so well for the two of us. He made a commitment to me, and if he no longer wants that commitment than I'd hope that he has enough common decency, enough class, to end things with me before he goes to someone else's bed.

ScottGem · Oct 28, 2010, 05:02 PM

Why are you reporting posts that have not violated our rules?