What does it this mean... Help?

icroft · Oct 17, 2010, 04:34 AM

I was on your site a few months ago and was very help in a supposedly relationship I thought I was in. Anyhow, about a month ago I met a guy through on-line dating (Christian website). We immedicately clikced in through back and forth emails. Went on a date a few days after. It was great. He is a great man. He is divorced and his daughter is an adult and out of the house. He told me that he was in a 2.5 years relationship which ended about 3 months ago. And also he told me that he is very attracted to me, he enjoys spending time with me but he is not ready to be in a relationship. What does this mean? How should I respond/react? I really like him. He is in his 50s and I am in my 40s.

Devorameira · Oct 17, 2010, 05:50 AM

He's really not been out of his 2.5 year relationship long enough to be ready for another.

In my estimation he shouldn't have even been on an on-line dating site, because it gives the impression that he is looking for someone to have a romantic relationship with.

If you want to be friends with him, then go for it, but if you're really looking for the special someone, then I'd keep looking.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 17, 2010, 09:17 AM

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Devorameira again.

It means he likes you but is not ready for a relationship. He is obviously not over his last one.
If a relationship is what you are looking for I suggest you leave him alone.

DoulaLC · Oct 17, 2010, 10:21 AM

Agree with the others. If you enjoy his company, continue to see him and have some fun spending time together, but don't rush anything. He is not ready for something serious, and he was honest enough to let you know that upfront.

If you are at the stage of wanting to settle down with someone, or at least have a more involved commitment, he is not the one... at least not right now.

friend4u178 · Oct 17, 2010, 06:27 PM

He's being honest with you and you should appreciate that as apposed to some guys who would string you along without actually telling you their feelings.

If you really like this guy then continue seeing him , and if your compatible then in time his feelings might become strong enough to overcome his previous relationship.

You don't want to become involved in a Rebound Relationship.

manga · Oct 21, 2010, 11:59 PM

Know how to be a friend to him.

icroft · Nov 2, 2010, 10:14 AM

Am really trying to be his friend. Now it is over a month that him and I still dating. The other day and for the first time he expressed some feelings for me. He said that he cares a lot about me and that when one door closes the other opens. Any thought(s), please?

manga · Nov 2, 2010, 09:14 PM

"He said that he cares a lot about me and that when one door closes the other opens." What did you say to that?

icroft · Nov 3, 2010, 06:08 AM

Well I told him that I do care about him but I didn't say anything to "one door closes..."

Cat1864 · Nov 3, 2010, 07:50 AM

One door closes, another opens generally means there is still hope inside the person that he/she will find a relationship/opportunity/etc. that works out for him/her.

The 2.5 year relationship had the door close on it. It sounds as though he is enjoying being with you and is working on opening the door to a new relationship. Don't try pull it open for him.

I will caution you that he is still fresh out of a relationship and you have not been dating for very long. It is still too early to know what emotions are there other than maybe friendship. Let the relationship develop naturally and don't try to read meaning into every word. IF you are confused about something he says, ask him for clarification. After all, HE is the only one who can explain what he thinks, feels and means.

Enjoy getting to know each other.

icroft · Nov 16, 2010, 07:20 AM

Well, I am back:( I have been trying to be his friend and he is still not emotionally available. And last night he told me that he is going to have lunch with ex-girlfriend. I was trying to be supportive and didn't show any sign of jealously. But can't kid myself; I am sad, very sad... What should I do? He has been very honest with me so far. The fact that he told me he is going to have lunch with her was good. The last I heard she is in a relationshipo with someone else, so I am puzzled why would she want to have lunch with him? Anyway, I need help, please...

Homegirl 50 · Nov 16, 2010, 08:52 AM

Then remove yourself. Back off. You said it yourself. He is emotionally unavailable.
As for why the lady wants to have lunch with him, it does not matter.

DoulaLC · Nov 16, 2010, 02:50 PM

You've known him for about two months and it is not an exclusive relationship. As Homegirl reiterated, he is not emotionally available so if you are wanting to connect more fully with someone, you might want to consider moving on.

He may be nice and the two of you may have clicked, but he has already said he is not ready for a serious relationship.

Relieve yourself of further disappointment and heartache. Remain friendly and stay in contact with him if you choose to, but the two of you are just not on the same page.

icroft · Nov 19, 2010, 08:38 AM

Here is another thing. He said that he wants to date other women and not be exclusive. I feel like asking him what is wrong with me? And yet his heart is still with his ex-girlfriend. How can he have any exclusive relationship if his heart is still open to her. Ahhh. I am so frustrated...

I wish · Nov 19, 2010, 08:43 AM

He's still not over his ex. He still wants to date around before settling down with someone. He can't start a new relationship unless he lets her go and stops dating around by finding what he wants.

You want to have a more serious relationship.

Everything is laid out, but you're obviously not on the same page. If you can't accept each other's wants, then you're better off going your separate ways. Otherwise, you're just going to have to be patient for him to come around. But if already said that he doesn't want to be exclusive right now, then who knows when he'll be ready.

Homegirl 50 · Nov 19, 2010, 08:54 AM

What you need to do it not take this personally. There is anything wrong with you, you are just not the one for him. Leave him alone.
This relationship is not going anywhere and you will just hurt yourself by trying to make it something it is not

DoulaLC · Nov 19, 2010, 11:08 AM

His previous, long term relationship ended a short time ago. He needs time to work through that. He is being upfront and honest with you about not wanting to get serious again.

Try to accept that and move on if dating him casually is not something you want to do.

As Homegirl said, it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you... he just isn't interested in getting into another serious relationship at this time.

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