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elaine9 · Oct 11, 2010, 09:51 PM

I have been having sex with my boyfriend for 4 years and I have never had an orgasm during intercourse, although I fake it every time. I've had many orgasms from oral sex, but I wish I could enjoy intercourse also... I don't know if I should ever tell him about faking it, or just continue to fake it or at least TRY to have a orgasm or what... does anyone have any advice as to what they would do in this situation? Because I know it would not go well if I told him!

Wondergirl · Oct 11, 2010, 10:28 PM

Why on earth do you expect to get an orgasm during intercourse? That's not how a woman's body works. You are having orgasms exactly like you are supposed to, by having your clitoris stimulated. The clitoris (not the vagina) is the center, the heart, of female sexuality.

Please do some reading about female orgasms (and not at porn sites that lie through their teeth about orgasms). At the public library, the sex books begin at 612.

Enigma1999 · Oct 11, 2010, 10:49 PM

I would also like to add that you should stop faking your orgasms.

A relationship is based off trust and communication. I don't see either one in this particular situation.

Good luck.

Cat1864 · Oct 12, 2010, 05:16 AM

Intercourse should be pleasurable whether you have an orgasm or not. Sex is journey of discovery not a race to the finish-line.

I get the impression that you are expecting the same stimulation from intercourse that you get from from oral. Think about the differences between the two acts. Think about how you can get close to the same sensations during intercourse by using a toy or fingers or by shifting positions.

It also helps to get your mind fully involved. If your mind isn't aroused, then your body won't be.

Talk with him. Let him know that you want to try new things. It is up to you to decide if you should admit lying to him. However, if you can't talk to him about sex and needs, perhaps you need to rethink having sex with him. How can either of you do or try anything to help if you don't admit there is a need to make changes?

smoothy · Oct 12, 2010, 05:35 AM

Stop faking it... be honest about orgasms, if you do , you do, if you don't, you don't. How do you expect him to learn what you like if you lie to him about what you like. And faking IS lying. You are in fact telling him he's doing everything perfectly.

fisk · Oct 12, 2010, 08:32 AM

I agree that you should stop faking it-why do you have to show him you're having an orgasm anyway? Women can get pleasure our of intercourse without an orgasm and he should understand that. Just be honest with him, let go, and who knows, maybe it will even happen one day!

simoneaugie · Oct 13, 2010, 03:17 PM

We women frequently fake it. And yes, it is lying. However, men want to think they're great and letting them in on the truth can be scary, especially if lies have been the norm.

I've lost count of both the faked orgasms and the guys involved. But I changed. Life is too short to not get yours! And to pretend that you did for his satisfied sake? No way! Not any more.

Have a talk with him, far from the bedroom. Be candid but do not blame him. Tell him that you have misled him and why. Listen to his thoughts. Then show him what works for you. Go exploring with him in bed, call it problem solving.

Or you could simply express yourself honestly in bed from here on out.

One thing's for sure, faking it is a profound lie. One that seems so vital at the time.