[bruceybee]

I've known this girl before online through my classmate in high school. I wasn't taking it seriously of course because online **** aren't my thing and plus we just treated each other like friends. Anyway, few months pass then I got the news that she was going to the same University I was going to. Fast forward again and a party was held by our University, so this means I have a chance to meet her already. So I talked to her online and asked her if she was coming. She said "yes". I had to go and meet her just for the heck of getting to know new people and not for a relationship. We meet, talked, partied and drunk all night. We had a blast. After that we continued on meeting each other in the University but just as "friends". Until a month passes by and then we both felt something. We fell in love with each other and we knew we could go far. At first, it was really really fun, no problems and fights. Fast forward again, the first term ended and she failed one subject, I failed two. She took her failures as a slap on the face. Now, she slowly changed. I understood her at first but know I can't. Some weeks pass and we talked about our relationship. At first she said we just have to concentrate first on our studies but we still can hold on to each other but now she wants space and wants time to think. I gave it to her since I respect her decision.

Just yesterday, we met and we talked about our relationship again. She said that she really does love me but she wants to experience "college life", she said she wants to grow by herself and not with me. She said she's only going to hurt me if we grow together but still doesn't know if she'll let go already because when I asked her "So this means it's over now?" she replied saying "I didn't say we don't have a chance". She cried in front of me and of course I felt that she really really loves me and this made me more confused. I think she's just stressed out with her studies that's why I don't want to jump into conclusions and make decisions. I decided to just give her time to think about it. I just want to know if I'm doing the right thing or not and please give me suggestions on what to do.

[jakester]

bruceybee - yeah, man, I think you may be right in saying that she may be really stressed because her studies have been negatively impacted by your relationship. She may be torn in having to choose between you and her education and that's why she's giving you mixed messages.

I think you may have to remember why you both came to University—to get an education or to meet someone? Considering all of the money you both are spending, I doubt it was to meet someone. I think your girlfriend is just being responsible and evaluating her long-term goals and trying to remain committed to her education.

I would also add that the two of you didn't fall in love right away after meeting... that's infatuation, not love. Real love is something entirely different and that is something that you still have to come to grips with in life but this experience will benefit you if even if you and her do not stay together.

[bruceybee]

Jakester - Actually, It took time for us to know that it is love. We talked about it too. When the time came that we said that we both like each other we also said that we should take time to realize if it's true love or not. 4 Months pass and we still are feeling 'it'. It grew stronger really, that's why we just can't let go of each other that fast.

My point is just that I don't want to live life with regrets and what if's... By the way, she isn't my girlfriend yet and that's our dilemma. If whether we should continue on or not.

But I really do appreciate your answer. Thank you so much. It really helped me get enlightened a bit.

[Jake2008]

I would be confused as well. It's understandable that you are in a tough spot.

She wants you, she doesn't want you. She wants to experience college life without you, but she also wants you. She is not mature enough to make up her mind, and wants her cake and eat it too so to speak.

So she really does have it all. She has you hanging on by her own words and actions, she has her time and space like she wanted, she can't give you a straight answer, and, although she keeps flitting from a relationship, to it's over, she doesn't know her own self well enough to figure out what the heck she wants. And where does that leave you.

It doesn't matter what the reason is. She could be feeling stress over her studies, but that is an excuse. Commitment, and a committed relationship doesn't end because one party is stressful about school, or anything for that matter. Couples see each other through the tough times with support, understanding, and communication.

Just my opinion, but when you started to feel the changes happening, it was just coincidental that she failed a course at the same time.

You are not at fault for loving someone, nor are you to be faulted for wanting to be loved back in return. That's what relationships are all about. When the essentil component of a mutual decision to 'officially' be a couple, life changes, and both parties put the needs of the other first. It is a matter of building, not destroying.

I would advise you not to wait for her, or to knock yourself out trying to find meaning in her confusing messages to you, because in my opinion, you are really giving yourself false hope.

I would also advise you to make your own decision, and hope that you can let her know, not the other way around, that the relationship is going nowhere, and that it is over. This, you do for yoursef, under your own steam. I think the regret part you mention is more that you will eventually regret trying so hard to establish a relationshp, with a person who is not interested in having one.