[confused_147]

My girlfriend won't stop talking to her ex


Well I've been with my girl for 8 months. I'm 23 she's 22. She had 6 months that she hadn't been in a relationship but that relationship was 4 years long.

Well we became boyfriend and girlfriend. The problem is her ex! he now realizes what he lost and won't stop talking to her.. he wants her back. My girlfriend said that I don't have to worry even if she broke up with me she won't take him back. But she keeps talking to him. 2 months after we were together I bumped into one of her texts and well she was flirting with him. They were calling each other "babe". I got so pissed and confronted her. Her excuse was it's a habit to call each other babe. I thought it was the lamest excuse ever. She said she would stop I believed her and thought she would. She assured me she wasn't cheating on me and I believe her because she is not that type of girl. . I'm the second guy she has been with sexually and she doesn't go from one guy to another. In that part I trust her and I know she won't do that to me. .

We were OK for like 2 months then later I found out that she was still talking to him maybe not in that way anymore but she still had contact with him. I asked her if she still loved him and she said not that much anymore. She told me that she was starting to fall in love with me. But what bothers me is that the guy won't stop talking to her he sends her messages that he loves her. She doesn't reply. But even though he does that she keeps talking to him. Because she says they are best friends. And before anything they were best friends. Damn I'm fu**ed! I told her well a best friend doesn't tell you he loves you. A month ago we had another fight over this. I got pizzed and texted her ex at work and said.. to fu*k off from my relationship. And he said that he loves her and isn't going to and said that my girl told him she would give him a second chance. When I read this my whole world just collapsed.

I got out work drove to her house and confronted her. I asked her if it was true. She said no. she said that she told him if she ever broke up with me then maybe she would consider taking him back. I asked her why would you give him hope? Why would you disrespect me in that way if you are with me? I was ready to break up. But out of nowhere she promised she would stop talking to him for good and she apologized and that same night she told me she loved me. I felt happy then about 2 weeks they start commenting on each others post on Facebook. I didn't think much of it because its just Facebook. But then I went to her house and she wasn't there. She had left her Facebook on.. and well I saw that she was chatting with her ex.. and what pissed me off is that she initiated the conversation. And then she asked him if he wanted to chat on IChat. With the web cam.(he lives like 2 hours away)but that pissed me off..

I confronted her again and she told me its hard to not talk to him because "they are best friends".. I asked her to stop and she said I don't want to promise something that I know I won't keep. I told her just stop!. u are messing around with my feelings don't you want me to be happy. And she said I want both of you t be happy! Wow! I couldn't believe she said that! She's like I want my best friend to be happy(her ex) and you to be happy. I told her there is no way that's going to happen.. do you take me for a joke? A way to make him jealous? She said no.. this was the last argument we had...

I honestly feel I'm stressing out over this everyday.. I feel I'm always paranoid that they might be texting each other. Especially because she's lied before... idk how to make her forget him.. she says they are just friends but deep inside I know that she still has feelings for him in a different way. I don't want to accept it because I don't want to lose her.. This is the first time I've felt true love for a girl and I will do anything for her any day. But it hurts me to see this go on.. I feel she doesn't have respect for me.. she doesn't respect our relationship. Because she still calls him. She knows he wants her back so I don't understand why she keeps giving him hope. I feel she doesn't allow him to move on to a new relationship because in a way she gives him hope and he keeps holding on to her. I just feel if she stopped talking to him then he will get over her and move on..

I don't get it. She tells me she loves.. I tell her I love her everyday! I'm always there for her! I buy her flowers and little presents! I send her poems through email text messages! I'm always sweet and lovable to her! I feel I give her 100% of my love! And she doesn't do that for me.. yea she tells me she loves me.. but every now and then and sometimes I feel I have to get her to say it out of force.. im always the first one to say I love you before we hang up.. and sometimes all she says back is "ok"! Aahh bit#$ that hurts! I feel my mistake was to give her 100% of my love.. maybe I should have gave her 50 and saved the rest.

I feel that maybe she enjoys the attention. That she loves having me under her feet.. that she loves feeling special.. but yet I love her.. I wonder if I stop being too lovable if she will change. I started doing that over the past week.. and now she's starting to text me, sending me kisses out of nowhere and telling me that she loves me. Should I keep this going? Not tell her that I love her too much? Maybe not call her too much and pretend I have better stuff to do? And maybe let her call me perhaps? Because I feel most of the time I'm the one who calls.. I honestly don't know what to do should I make her choose between me and her ex.. either stop talking to him or stop talking to me? But when we see each other in person its completely different.. shes the one hugging me and kissing me I see in her eyes that she loves me.. but its just confusing me.. when were away that's how she acts.. when she's away that's when she calls or texts her ex.. she just won't stop talking to her ex! That's the big problem! If he wasn't in the picture it would be perfect!help me please... idk what to do sometimes I feel I'm the only one trying to save the relationship.. she doesn't seem to care much about it.. I don't talk to any of my ex's I don't keep in touch with them out of respect for her.. I expect the same from her.. help please...

[Justwantfair]

She knows how you feel about the situation, your feelings are valid, if she cares about you and the relationship then she would be able to let go of the friendship. Sometimes that is a part of breaking up - losing your 'best friend'.

The fact that she is dismissing your feelings, shows that your feelings aren't important to her and she appears to be more interested in keeping a 'back-up plan'. I believe you should ask her to choose. I would expect that of my partner, especially since when 'caught' the conversations have not been innocent.

[Devorameira]

Admit it - She's totally walking all over your feelings... which is not acceptable at all. You've expressed your feelings to her and she continues to do it anyway. Is that the kind of person you really want to be with?

Even though I'm okay with my ex, I don't talk to him out of respect for my husband. Ask your girlfriend to put herself in your shoes if one of your ex's was contacting you everyday and see how would she feel?

To me, it's obvious there are other intentions here. I mean what is there really to talk about regularly unless they are talking about their past? I just hope you aren't her rebound and they aren't starting to rekindle their relationship.

You need to give her an ultimatum... it's either you or him period. There is something going on here. You need to put your foot down. Sure you love her but is it worth being with someone that seems to have no respect for you or your opinions? Think about it!

[DoulaLC]

I'd just end it at this point. Of course she loves the attention. She has had numerous opportunities to show that she respects you and your feelings enough to end contact with him and she hasn't.

What's the point of one more chance? Do you really think it would all of a sudden be any different this time? Would you really trust her again anyway?

Cut your losses... let her go. Give yourself the chance to find someone who respects you and that you can trust when you give them 100% of your love.

[talaniman]

I would have disappeared after the first time she broke her word. It's a big red flag when someone plays with the feelings of an ex, and the current partner. That's neither fair, nor honest.

[Greg_H]

I'm a male and I have a lot of experience with females if she is acting like this then I suggest you talk to her a lot less, contact her twice a week max tell her you love her once a week that's it, don't see her much don't spend mone yon her by buying things with her because she could be using you for money/gifts etc, if you kind of lay off her for a while she'll suddenly realise *** why isn't he contacting me much anymore there must be a problem, you should make her come running and chasing after you not the other way around because you've done enough chasing and loving as it is.

Let her chase you and show you love for once, if she does chase you then that's your answer if she does truly love you, and yes I would also say to her you or the other guy if she can't decide say all right I'll decide for you goodbye and walk out on her and do what I said do not contact her at all what so ever let her do all of the chasing if she loves you she will, if she doesn't love you then she isn't going to chase and you will have your answer.

Best of luck man I may be good with relationships and good with females but I isn't exactly having the best of luck atm with my girlfriend we're having some problems aswel similar to yours not exactly same but similar, but best of luck to you my friend =-D

[stevie7]

I am in the exact 100% same situation, for a minute I thought you were talking about me lol

To be honest it is not a good position to be in, and it definitely isn't easy to walk away. Sometimes I wish I never got involved with her, but you live and learn... good luck