[Hwalters12]

I have a 2 year old daughter from a previous relationship and my wife has been in her life since my daughter was 10 months old. My wife and I have a son of our own that is almost 1 year old. Even though my daughter and son are half brother and sister I want them to be raised as just brother and sister and I am the father and my wife is the mother. In addition my son is getting older and he seems to follow his sister so I do not want my daughter calling my wife by her real name and my son being confused of calling her mom or by her real name. What should I do? My wife is a wonderful mother figure to my daughter even though her real mother plays a rold in her life also. My wife treats my daughter just as her own.

[tickle]

I don't know why you are concerned about this now. Your daughter is only 2, right. Why don't you let your daughter lead the way in how she addresses her step mom. I do think eventually she will be calling her mom, which would be suitable. Both your l year old son and your 2 year old daughter will grow up calling her mom, and your son would not find that confusing because he wouldn't not have known anything differently. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Tick

[Hwalters12]

Okay thanks I just wanted to know is it wrong for it in the future...

[martinizing2]

I agree with tick.
I have seen this situation many times and the child usually
Will refer to the person that is in their life as mom or dad.
They will pick up on it from the children around them referring
To their parents as mom or dad.

[redhed35]

The birth mother gets dibs on being called mom!

At least that's the way I see it.

For your daughter the distinction needs to be very clear,she has a mother who is still in her life, calling two women 'mom' is going to confuse her and maybe cause problems down the road.

I do understand where your coming from,and your daughter is a lucky little girl to have parents including your wife that love her.

For the birth mother hearing her daughter refer to your wife as mom is going to hurt like hell,regardless of the circumstances of your split,it may cause an argument that you and your wife don't want to have.

Try and put aside your wants and wishes i.e. for your daughter to call your wife 'mom' and see the bigger picture.

'mom' is not just a word,its means a whole lot more,to the women and the child.

Your children are loved and that's what matters,they both have moms that love them and both deserve the title from each of their children.

[Fr_Chuck]

And that is the other question, where is the birth mom in all of this. From your post it sounds, but I hate to assume that you have custody of the child ?

But it is not uncommon to call the step mom , "MOM"

[Hwalters12]

No of course her birth mother will be called mom because she is still in her life but I'm saying when my daughter is over she seems to be more into my wife then her own mother when its time to go home back to her real mother...

[Hwalters12]

Then also when my daughter grows up I do not want her to feel like she is just a step child when she is over... when were out as a family sum1 ask "are those your kids"

[Hwalters12]

No she lives with her mom but I have visitation for now... were in the process of going to court for 50 50 or if the judge says no then I will increase my days in seeing her more

[DoulaLC]

Many couples find a compromise. I agree with red... birth mom gets a say in this.

Some will use different words to distinguish the two... "mom" and "mommy", or "mom" and "mommyJ" for example. Or even "mom" and first name of your wife.

Your kids will be fine. They will be brought up knowing the difference since a blended family will be the norm for them.

It is also normal, and healthy, that your daughter shows an attachment to your wife after being with her in your home for a bit. Seeming to be more into your wife than her mother when she is picked up to leave does not automatically show a feeling of preference, but merely part of the transition of leaving one comfort zone for another.

[Hwalters12]

Thanks I just wanted different opionions

[Hwalters12]

I will have my daughter calling my wife mom as well as her real mother... the same thing is going on in there home except I'm married and she isn't... I cannot control her mother and tell her that our daughter cannot call her boyfriend daddy.. same vic versa

[tickle]

Hwalter, just play it by ear and take one day at a time, and you have many many days to take one day at a time. Your daughter sounds like a really rounded out little girl from a lot of love and that is what she will remain, and that is all that matters. Just be her dad and do the best you can and don't worry so much

Both of your ladies are doing a great job, and both of her best interest at heart.

Tick