[jrsomello]

All threads merged



Hello readers, I met this girl at work named Trish. I am 24 and she just turned 18 in June. We first got together some time in mid-July and at first she always called me and the communication was strong. But as time went on I feel like she has moments where she just doesn't want to be bothered or needs some space (not meaning breakup, but less calls and text). She told me that she wasn't use to being with guys like me, who called her or text her everyday throughout the day, and she's more use to once a week and meeting up to hang out. But she also said she thought it was good that I want to talk to her so much and she just has to get use to it. I'm use to the opposite, which means if I am taking a girl seriously to where I am claiming her as my girlfriend, I communicate with her on a regular basis and see her at least twice a week. So there are times when I feel like if I don't call her she won't call me or I will be waiting a while to hear from her and I am always the one reaching out first. At first I thought she just didn't like me but when I do see her and speak with her she does and says things that shows she really cares about me and I really doubt she is cheating. When I addressed the issue (twice) to her, she was really hurt and seemed as though she really didn't know what she was doing wrong. I guess my question is, Am I way in over my head? I am 24 with a 2-year old son whose mother and I are separated, I have a bachelors degree in business and I have experienced more in life overall. She's 18, with no kids and just starting college (off-campus). She said she's never even been in love. So given these circumstances what should I do? I really like her, but I feel like I'm being too serious for her. Should I talk to other women and still keep her on deck and whatever happens happens? Should I break it off? Or should I just stay and see where it goes and if so, how do I control my urges to want more from her, and should I? Is that even possible? Help me out here

[Devorameira]

You are both very young and haven't been together long enough for a serious relationship. Don't be in such a hurry. You've got all kinds of time for that.

It appears to me that you are a little on the insecure side and are over-analyzing the situation.

Why not back off just a little and only text every day or two to give her a little space? Sometimes a gal wants someone that keeps in constant contact, but other gals can feel pressured (actually smothered) when they have someone that calls and texts constantly.

Just slow down and let the relationship build natually.

[answerme_tender]

She is only 18yrs, probably still in the high school, to early college scene. You are 24yr out of college with 2yro son. Neither of you are even on same page here.
I really don't think she is that into you, for an 18yro not to be continuously wanting contact with their boyfriend is usually not the norm. You should move on and find a woman that you have more in common with. Good luck

[talaniman]

You either be patient, and stop getting carried away by your own emotions, and sense of how things should be. Or you leave her alone and do your thing with someone else.

The thing is whatever you decide, be honest about it with her.

[jrsomello]

Thanks, I see what you guys are saying. I guess I just got to occupy my time with more things for me to do aside from her and keep a realistic view on this situation

[kctiger]

Thanks, i see what you guys r saying. I guess i just gotta occupy my time with more things for me to do aside from her and keep a realistic view on this situation

I do think something should be said of the age gap here, or more, the maturity gap. I cannot really see what an 18 year old and a 24 year old would have in common. At the very least, you both have different ideas of what this is at the moment.

I think you have lot on your plate. You have a child and you have a experienced everything she hasn't. I don't think it would even be fair to her to tie her down at the moment as she just enters college. I just don't think the odds of this developing into a serious relationship (at least one that you're looking for) are very good.

While you are already beginning your adult life, she is just now going into the phase of becoming an adult. I'd look for someone with more in common who can give you what you are looking for. An 18 year old just entering college just doesn't fit that bill. Let her go out, be young and enjoy her youth in college. That's what those years are for.

[jrsomello]

I have this girlfriend who is a little younger than me. She's 18 and Im 23 going on 24. We get along great and enjoy each others company, but we are different. I have no tats, she has 2 and wants to get 2 more. The only piercing I have is in my ears and (besides ears) she has belly button ring and just yesterday, got 2 side ring implants that look like little diamonds on both sides of her stomach. She use to want to be a stripper, but I said I didn't want her to so she decided to not go with that career choice. Bottom line, I'm much less wild (compared to her, conservative), but aside from that we love each other and even talk about one day having a family together. When I'm with her everything seems good, but part of me feels like I'm in a state of denial about how realistic this whole situation is. So I really want to know am I? And If anyone has ever seen a relationship like this, how does it usually turn out? Is there a chance for us to really make it together?

[Alty]

There's no way that anyone can tell you whether this will work out. Every relationship is different, some work, some don't, it all depends on the two of you.

I will say that if you have doubts, which you obviously do, than you're basically answering your own question.

Relationships are work. Anything is possible if both of you are willing to work together to make it happen.

[awayandalone]

Hey man. Sounds like your dating a girl like my ex. We dated for 2 years, she had a very wild and out going side that I loved and attracted me to her. But she also had her extremely sexy and caring side that shined through when we were alone.
I can't tell you if it will work out with you or not, but in my case my ex let her wild party side get the best of her and she ended it with me while I'm pursuing and internship 600 miles away.
If your willing to work for her and with her and communicate effectively then of course it can work out between you. Have you talked with her about her wild side?

[jrsomello]

Well yeah we have talked about it together a few times and she says that she knows she has a wild side but she wants and needs a guy like me who can keep her in check, instead of encouraging the, over-the-top things she wants to do. And I told her at the same time, I don't want to constrict her from enjoying life especially being 18 coming in to Real adulthood so we had to strike a balance. I guess I just got to see where things go and strive for the best

[Isiglz10]

I feel u bro I'm dating a 19 yr old girl and I'm the same way bro. We jet got to hope for the best!

[jrsomello]

I am in a relationship with this girl and I have both her fb and email passwords and I am always checking them looking for something. I know its an invasion of privacy and it is wrong, especially because she never cheated on me, and I know I know "insecurity" but the diagnosis alone doesn't help. Is there a universal way to overcome insecurity and bad obsessive habits such as snooping? I don't want it to ruin my relationship

[Wondergirl]

Start with telling her to change her passwords.

Is there a universal way to overcome insecurity and bad obsessive habits such as snooping?

Counseling. You have to find yourself and then respect and honor and value yourself.

[jrsomello]

I did that already and warned her that if I have her passwords I will most likely look through her stuff and she said she doesn't care she has nothing to hide. But her phone lets her know when I log in and it's a ad loom

Counseling huh? Too bad I don't have the money for that. More indepent ways to do that on my own?

[Wondergirl]

Counseling huh? Too bad i dont have the money for that. More indepent ways to do that on my own?

Counseling can be done on a sliding scale, so that the counselor charges you what you can pay based on your income. Or maybe the counselor will work out a bartering system with you, that you clean the office once a week or wash his car once a week to pay off each session. In other words, a good counselor will work it out with you. IF he won't, then run fast in the other direction.

If you're in school, there should be a counseling department. Your township or county will have counselors available, also on a sliding scale.

You have absolutely NO excuse not to find and start going to a counselor.

I did that already and warned her that if i have her passwords i will most likely look thru her stuff and she said she doesnt care she has nothing to hide. But her phone lets her know when i log in and its a ad loom

Ask her to pretty please change her passwords and never tell you what they are. It's a special thing for you, to help you.

No matter how much you whine and cry, and no matter how much you want to pay her, she is to NEVER tell you what they are.

[Fr_Chuck]

Just stop, don't log into her account, if you can not stop, you have a serious issue and need professional help.

There are many low cost programs, though religious groups of your choice, though ( in the US) government programs that are based on incomes.

And again, what is it worth to you, do you love her enough to do something to fix a issue.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotio...en-513954.html

Stop revolving your whole life around the good feelings of having someone close to be happy, and you will be to busy with other things that make you happy, and you just might relax and be happy with yourself. Then maybe you won't spend so much time, effort, and thoughts into being afraid of the things you can't control. Or fear things that may, or may not happen. Instead of fearing them, learn to deal with whatever life throws at you, and learn to live through it, and not let FEAR stop you.

You are so busy looking at the obstacles we all face, that you take your eyes off the goal. To be happy and content and at peace with yourself. Then you can share that happiness and not worry whether someone is happy with you or not. That's beyond your control any way, since it's their problem to deal with. NOT YOURS!

That's why you are so insecure, and even a bit needy, because you simply are not happy with just you, so you make others being happy with you, your reason to be happy with yourself. That's but a$$ backward my friend, and you would be a much better partner without the FEAR.

Can't afford counseling?? BS!! Just an excuse you make up to throw obstacles in your own way and justify not trying, because you want someone to give you what you need, and you don't have to risk failure. Again, you give into your own fear.

Boy do you need a mentor, an older guy to slap you upside your head when you try to take the easy way out, and try to shift the responsibility for failure to someone else. You are responsible for your own happiness, not your mama, not your long lost daddy, not your past life, and certainly not a female that you have latched on to now.

Wonder what kind of Dad you are? A good one? Or one that makes all kinds of excuses why he can't be. Hmmm, sound familiar? Then get off your butt, and take responsibility for the things you can control, and give it 100% of what you got, and stop looking for the easy way out with excuses, and some very bad behavior.

Can't find a counselor? Have you even tried to look for one? Naw, probably not. Finances are a good enough excuse for not even trying. That's all I ask is that you try, or find a guy who you look up to and ask him how he overcame his obstacles and succeeded.