[Ashleyp31]

Okay, so my father had told me that you he dying from emphysema and I don't know how to deal with my dad dying and me being at such a young age as 19. I don't want him to suffer but I know he will and I love my daddy very much and I haven't always been here for him as I should have been. Also, to make matters worst when I was going through this thing with my dad, I broke up with my boyfriend and I didn't mean too, I did it because I was angry that I'm going to lose my father. I love my boyfriend very much and we have had our ups and down but I would do anything for him. But I'm afraid that I may have lost him for good. How on earth am I to deal with losing the love of my life and my father dying. And No, I am not that young and yes I know there are more people out there but honestly, this guy is it. He is the one for me... but I keep breaking up with him all the time cause I get mad... someone please give me some guidance of what I should do? How to deal with the idea of me losing me father and how to make me and my boyfriend work and for me to get over this stupid break up thing that I do. I can't lose two things that mean everything to me.

[JudyKayTee]

I don't know which issue you are asking about primarily but I will guess your Dad's health because that's where this is posted.

As far as you father concerned - the best you can do for him is ask him what he wants, what he needs, how he feels. Listen to him. Has your father been given a specific time frame, such as X months to live or this generalized? As far as not being there for him all the time - we are all human and I don't know any person who wouldn't do something different if he/she had the chance. I'm sure your father knows you love him and that's what matters.

When my late husband was dying the best thing I could do for him was just spend time with him and listen to him and talk to him and listen some more.

As far as your boyfriend is concerned - what caused the breakup? There must be a reason why you are no longer together.

If he loves/loved you I would think you could call him and told him what you've posted here. Maybe you overreacted because of the stress and upset over your father. Maybe it's something else. Only you and he know and only you and he know where things go from here. Ask him - you love him. Talk to him.

You say you keep breaking up with him because you get mad - mad about what? Mad at him? Mad in general and you take it out on him? Maybe this has happened so many times that's he's done with the relationship (or so he says). If so you have to PROVE to him that you know you have a problem, you are willing to change, you'll do what it takes. Maybe that's anger management, maybe it's something else.

I'd contact him, tell him you realize it's YOUR problem and you sort of handed it off to him and YOU will do whatever it takes to get things right between you.

[Kitkat22]

Ashley.. Right now put the boyfriend on hold and be there for your Dad. He needs you more. Give him your attention. This ex boyfriend will understand if he loves you. You have one Dad and when he's gone you'll look back and think of all the things you wish you had told him. You have this time with your dad so treasure it. Make every single moment count.

Don't let a day go by that you don't tell him how much you love him. Read to him if he wants. If there are things between the two of that are unsettled this is the time to talk and ask questions.

Most of all, be a listener and hold his hand or hug him. If he believes in God, quote or read some of his favorite scripture. Be strong and let him know how much his love has meant to you.

Your boyfriend will understand what a hard time this is for you. He'll be there when you need him. God Bless You

[joypulv]

I agree with all the above. You say you haven't been there for your dad (who among us doesn't feel that about a parent when we are grown and away from home?) so that's more reason to spend as much time as possible with him. Sure, you may have taken some guilt about your dad out on your boyfriend (if it's true, tell him), but your BF might also not have the understanding needed, instead of being possessive of your time. If he's a worthy guy he'll wait for you or come back.

[falisaty]

You should call your mom but if you lost her to, call 911 to a police so they can help you. I do feel sad for you.good luck!

[dontknownuthin]

I don't necessarily agree with putting the boyfriend on hold - you did the wrong thing and can fix it by simply being honest with him now. If you don't correct this, he could move on or reach a point where he won't accept an apology. Call him, ask to see him, and tell him that you are very sorry that you lashed out at him in your hurt and worry over your father. Tell him you did not mean to break up with him, are very sorry to have hurt him, and it was stupid - that love is frightening when someone you love is dying.

As for your father, just take it one day at a time. Be present in his life and follow his lead on what he needs. If there's a hospice nurse or other person who works with people at the ends of their lives, they may be able to help you both in supporting your dad and also working through your own grief and sadness. Honor what your dad wants, too - some people want to push for as much time as they can get, some want to avoid unpleasant treatments and just focus on feeling as well as they can so they can enjoy life, even if it means less time.

Do you have siblings or mother? When there are multiple people close to the person who is at the end of their days, it is really important to find a way to work together and support each other in meeting his needs.

[williamford13]

This is all crap! - no-one knows if they are dying with emphysema - or when! Love your dad! But carry on with your life and your boyfriend! If he is worth having!
I have severe emphysema! I don`t know when I will die! But I want my children to live their lives to the full! - I did! My children have the right to do the same!
I have nine children and love them all dearly! But I don`t want them to put their lives on hold for me! As ill as I am! Life is not like that! Life goes on! Live it! Your dad is important - but if you ruin your life! Then his life has been pointless! Because it is through your siblings! That life goes on!
My children and I laugh about my illness! And sometimes it hurts me! But that is OK! Because I know that humour is their way of dealing with their emotions!
So relax and live your life! When your dad does eventually die! Which he will! Not necessarily from emphysema! Mourn him and celebrate his life - by living yours! To the full!
It is what makes the world go round!

[JudyKayTee]

I realize you are very passionate about this because of all of the exclamation points.

However, it is not unusual to receive a life expectency "guess" when you are seriously ill. No one gives you an exact date, of course,

Your children laugh because you have emphysemia?

Wonderful advice has been posted here, advice which addressed the OP's question. I appreciate your feelings on the subject but you are not addressing what the OP wants to know.