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oz2281 · Sep 22, 2010, 02:20 PM

Hello everyone,

I'm 29 years old and my girlfriend of 5 years broke off our engagement of almost 1 year last night as well as ended our entire relationship and I feel downright miserable. I have been crazy about her for all of our relationship and was ready to take it beyond the dating stage. I proposed to her and she accepted last October and I can simply say that I love her so much; I am crazy about her and have treated her like a queen from the moment we started dating. During our conversation she told me that she just felt disconnected form "us" and that it was unfair to go into a marrige with that kind of doubt. She also said that it is totally her and nothing to do with me; she said I am as close to perfection as a man can get but she wants to be able to return the same kind of love back and right now she just doesn't feel it. These are all hard words to swallow; I truly do understand where she is coming from but I also do not understand how after 5 years she could just want to walk away without fighting for "us". I'm crazy in love with her and wish that she could use that as strength to feed off in order to fight for our wonderful relationship.

Thanks in advance to all of you for your advice.

beachloverjohn · Sep 22, 2010, 02:55 PM

This is a very sad story. I have learned over the years that sometimes these things happen when you least expect it, and there was no warning, and no reason that can make sense to you. But as perfect as she says you are, sometimes a person can't force themselves to be in love with another no matter how much they want to. Being in love and loving someone can be two different things. She feels she can't give you what you deserve, and what you need from her, so she is doing the right thing by you. This is just as hard for her as it is for you, believe me. There is no quick cure for the heartache you feel right now, so the best medicine is to keep as busy as you can, and eventually you will start to recover. Someday there will be another woman in your life, but give yourself all the time you need to get over this one. Remember, you can only control your own emotions, not hers. This is her decision, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Just don't beat yourself up, because you will survive this, and eventually you will come out a stronger person.

I wish · Sep 22, 2010, 03:39 PM

Though it may feel like she came out of nowhere on you, she's actually been contemplating a break up for a while. The way she broke up with you doesn't even give you any room to try to win her back. That shows that she's already set on her decision, regardless of what you want to say.

Like you said, 5 years is a long time and from your perspective, it looks as though she came out of nowhere, but from her perspective, she's thought about it for a while and made sure that she's sure of her decision before telling you.

It's definitely a painful pill the swallow. On the bright side, be glad that she did not continue to lead you on into a marriage and have to deal with a divorce. Better to know now rather than later.

This is going to be a long healing process. It's only the first day, so it's definitely going to be painful. The pain might even get worse before it starts getting better, but it will get easier with time. It's going to take some patience.

vanheart · Sep 22, 2010, 08:38 PM

True.

vanheart · Sep 22, 2010, 08:45 PM

This may sound cliché, but better now than later.

She doesn't want a relationship with you, let alone marriage.

However she communicates it. I heard similar stuff. Most of us here have. Leave it it that. She already dropped the bomb. Nothing else to talk about.

Don't press it, be her friend, or anything else now. I know its tough, foreign & unimaginable, but do it.
Go NC, fully. You will become better if you do.

Give her what she wants. Give her the gift of silence forever. That's your message.

Sorry, man. It's the only way.

lamp_post · Sep 22, 2010, 10:37 PM

I can't agree more to work on NC as fast as possible and meet with friends. I too, myself in a relationship for years when she dropped the BOMB without any chances and no concrete reason.

She never wants to fight for it which made it worst. There are more who will appreciate you for sure.

Good luck!

oz2281 · Sep 23, 2010, 03:35 AM

Thank you so much to all of you for your heartfelt advice. In my mind I know it will all pass and I can and will become a better person but my heart does not quite understand why or how. I feel very sad that she seems to not find anything in me or us that is worth fighting for. I only hope that one day she can figure it out and I on my own can one day understand. I will try to begin to root her out of my life and although I know it will be painful, I need to do this for me. Thanks to you all once again.