[spiralbound]

Can you accept "not perfect"?

It's not like I ever had a choice... I just don't know anymore

[spiralbound]

Shouldn't be and ARE are 2 different things.

Denial of something doesn't make it not so.

From sentence one I have been monitoring this thread,if you want attention,you have gotten it.and constantly shot down the others for their attempts to steer you towards a new thought path.

Do you understand what depression is?

Do you think people who are NOT depressed attempt their lives?Or even have suicidal thinking?

A chemical imbalance happens,,it could be from emotional bankruptcy, physical abuse,trauma from your life as a teen,,or even younger..the list is infinite.

What someone does with this knowledge of self,how they cope with this is how the chemicals begin to intermix.

It's not rocket science,,not really..it's normal for a person to feel down when they lose a loved one,the brain chemicals alter the thinking patterns,,some people can cope with the loss better than others,,some(like me) don't.

I can identify,in others,depression.I can also identify someone who is too into themselves,too far gone,,to the inside.

How much isolation have you been in for the last year,,how about the last 2 months?

Human interaction and exercise are 2 very good ways to get out of self.

Oh just so you know I really don't have a choice about exercise, I have to do it every morning. I usually run about 4-5 miles a day, I am top physical shape and I feel like crap when I am done.

[KBC]

Sorry I was just trying to rule out all other options before I accepted that I might be depressed. Which I now agree with you it is, that leaves me with few options.

It's not the end of the world,you know.

I have dealt with depression(and bi-polar disorder) for most of my adult life.I wasn't diagnosed or medicated for many,many years though.

Since I got the help,my life has had it's ups and downs,just like anyone else's.. I am human after all.

This is a time for life decisions,do you want help?

[Wondergirl]

It's not like I ever had a choice..... I just don't know anymore

You have many choices. Do you care about yourself (like we do) to make some good ones?

[KBC]

I could use some more information,what is it you are having to give up on if depression is diagnosed?

Perhaps there are 'alternatives' to being labeled as depressed, it sounds like the military life has something to do with this?

[spiralbound]

No I would rather die than get help for something like this.

[spiralbound]

They will take my aviation slot if I get diagnosed, and I will lose my job with CIA when I get out.

[KBC]

They will take my aviation slot if I get diagnosed, and I will lose my job with CIA when I get out.

So your expectations when you wrote in to here was what?

[spiralbound]

Back in post #1, went over it twice, "If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one"

[Wondergirl]

Back in post #1, went over it twice, "If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one"

And a mentor will do what for you? You've already said you refuse to talk on the phone. You said female psychologists were worthless.

[spiralbound]

Fine, whatever, put words in my "posts" (mouth). Since when did saying two women treated me like **** when I tried to get help become "all women", and I never said anything about refusing to talk on the phone, I just said it would be a problem. But don't worry wondergirl you won't have to worry about me any more I already drank a 5th of vodka with a pill concoction that I already took, and to finish things off I will go shoot myself now. I am sorry I wasted your time and you didn't get paid for it.

[Wondergirl]

I am sorry I wasted your time and you didn't get paid for it.

So it's my fault?

And you haven't even given KBC a chance to help.

[KBC]

Sorry to burst bubbles,but do you understand the rigorous testing they do for CIA,or ANY high stress positions?

I think a life coach would only tell you the same thing we are, it's time to rethink your goals for work in the future.

No way would you pass the testing with the attitude you have now,and the depression/self esteem/isolation personality just isn't fit for government work.

Once you accept that you can then move forward with a new goal in life,something not so high pressure,one where you can just be you,not what you think others think you should be.

[KBC]

Back in post #1, went over it twice, "If I can find this life mentor to help me make it through life then I need some help finding one"

Just a note here,

Relying on someone else to make you happy,functional,etc.. is called co-dependency.

If you aren't happy in your own skin and seem to be fighting all those around you who are truly trying to assist you through this tough time, how could any 'life coach' help?

It requires you to be honest,open and above all,willing to accept not only help,but criticism,(be t from females or males),to learn coping skills,to mature beyond the bounds you are stuck in today.

Are you willing to do this?

[spiralbound]

So it's my fault?

And you haven't even given KBC a chance to help.

No there is no help for me and once again you are putting words in my mouth, I never said it was your fault, I can understand it sounded like it, but I am sorry for wasting your time, I will be in a coma in around 45min to an hour. KBC already posted what he was going to say. I was a little angry that you took me out of context originally, that's why I used that wording. But it is in no way your fault. It's just to late for me now, I made my decision. I was always told I could achieve my dreams now that I can't I refuse to be held down, I chose death rather than losing my freedom because my body is ****ed up.

[Wondergirl]

No there is no help for me

Of course, there's help for you. You sound like Scarlett O'Hara. Stick your finger down your throat and throw up that concoction.

[spiralbound]

I don't know who Scarlett O'Hara is, and I actually feel good now that I know I am going to die, your going to fail at getting me to change my mind.

[KBC]

OK,I guess this thread can be closed then?

[spiralbound]

Yea close the tread we are done here.

[Wondergirl]

I don't know who Scarlett O'Hara is, and I actually feel good now that I know I am going to die, your going to fail at getting me to change my mind.

EVERYBODY knows who Scarlett is!!

So you won't give us a chance to help you.