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MRSBR · Sep 16, 2010, 03:56 AM

Thank you for the advice about how to handle someone who has said hurtful things towards us and others, I'm currently in a situation with someone who I thought was a good friend but over the last few months she has said some very hurtful things to me and my sister and even to my young nephew which was very embarrassing for him and my sister, I have tried to let it go but this last situation needs sorting out and I'm seeing this person today to try and get it sorted.
Im not sure if I can ever be her close friend ever again.

Thanks Foggy

Kitkat22 · Sep 16, 2010, 10:01 AM

Originally Posted by MRSBR

Thank you for the advice about how to handle someone who has said hurtful things towards us and others, im currently in a situation with someone who i thought was a good friend but over the last few months she has said some very hurtful things to me and my sister and even to my young nephew which was very embarrassing for him and my sister, I have tried to let it go but this last situation needs sorting out and im seeing this person today to try and get it sorted.
Im not sure if I can ever be her close friend ever again.

Thanks Foggy

Foggy I am going to ask if the Mods will move this to a new thread just for you. You'll get some great advice here. This thread is old. :)

RickJ · Sep 16, 2010, 10:04 AM

Moved.

Kitkat22 · Sep 16, 2010, 10:23 AM

Foggy.. no matter anyone says words do hurt. It's hard enough
When they're said about you. When someone hurts the people you love it's worse.

I would advise you as I would my children, if you confront this person do it calmly and without
Name calling or fighting.

Tell this person you are offended by the things she is saying and you would like her to stop. If she continues, just TRY to ignore her.
It's hard to do that I know, but you will be the better person for it.
Walking away with grace and dignity will get your message across.

Real friends won't believe her anyway...

bleusong52 · Sep 16, 2010, 09:27 PM

KitKat said it best. Nothing else to add. Especially the part about "real friends."

kp2171 · Sep 16, 2010, 09:29 PM

More info needed for me to post an opinion.

"some hurtful things" is too vague. Explain please...

Context and details aren't overrated.

MRSBR · Sep 17, 2010, 11:34 AM

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Foggy..no matter anyone says words do hurt. It's hard enough
when they're said about you. When someone hurts the people you love it's worse.

i would advise you as I would my children, if you confront this person do it calmly and without
name calling or fighting.

Tell this person you are offended by the things she is saying and you would like her to stop. If she continues, just TRY to ignore her.
It's hard to do that I know, but you will be the better person for it.
Walking away with grace and dignity will get your message across.

Real friends won't believe her anyway......

I confronted the person yesterday very calmly and did not get angry or shout at her, I asked why she had said and done the things she did to us and she got angry and started shouting at me, when I asked her not to shout she left my house and slammed the door shaking the whole house and I have heard nothing more from her.
I'm proud of myself for not retaliating.

Foggy

Kitkat22 · Sep 17, 2010, 11:45 AM

Originally Posted by MRSBR

I confronted the person yesterday very calmly and did not get angry or shout at her, I asked why she had said and done the things she did to us and she got angry and started shouting at me, when i asked her not to shout she left my house and slammed the door shaking the whole house and I have heard nothing more from her.
i'm proud of myself for not retaliating.

Foggy

I'm so proud of you! You are very mature and you will go very far in life.
You can accomplish whatever you want to do. Now that this girl knows she can't push your buttons, she may stop the talking. Keep it up and always remember.. you are a great person! :)

MRSBR · Sep 17, 2010, 12:46 PM

Thank you very much for your kind words

Foggy x

kp2171 · Sep 17, 2010, 04:49 PM

Originally Posted by MRSBR

I confronted the person yesterday very calmly and did not get angry or shout at her, I asked why she had said and done the things she did to us and she got angry and started shouting at me, when i asked her not to shout she left my house and slammed the door shaking the whole house and I have heard nothing more from her.
i'm proud of myself for not retaliating.

Foggy

Good job.

Sometimes you give someone the opportunity to show their true colors.

The good news... you don't have to live in that world. I have a "relative" by marriage who is the most acidic person I know. She just lives to seethe and sulk and... seriously, I don't judge people like this. She is the exception.

So... best I can do is live how I would normally live and I expect NOTHING good from her. I anticipate anger and hostility. I don't take it personally. It must SUCK to be her. I can live with that.

Same with you... too bad this friend couldn't be a friend you could trust. Glad you know better now. Walk away.

Kudos on the being calm thing. I'm irish serb. I'm genetically programmed to hit first and buy drinks later. You're a better person than me... or at least you don't need as much cash in reserve for bail.

DoulaLC · Sep 17, 2010, 04:57 PM

Well done... remember that sometimes friends are in our lives for just a period. You can let go of those friendships that have served their purpose, have changed with time and circumstance, and move on.

kp2171 · Sep 17, 2010, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by DoulaLC

Well done....remember that sometimes friends are in our lives for just a period of time. You can let go of those friendships that have served their purpose, have changed with time and circumstance, and move on.

Completely agree. Some loves are meant for a time, not all time. Some friendships... it's the same. Point a to point b doesn't diminish the relationship, just redefines it, perhaps limits it more than we'd like.