[lemon17]

All right background: me and my girlfriend have been together for 1.4 years ( year and 4 months ). We met in high school since 9th grade, we became great friends in 11th, but just school friends, then in 12th grade we became best friends. We started dating towards the end of the year.

I don't want to sounds like I'm bragging about how perfect I am, but I was to the "T" the perfect boyfriend. I was raised under the impression that you treat a girl like they deserve to be treated. Getting the door was an always, we go to eat I paid the bill, she never paid for a thing unless it was clothes or something while shopping that I didn't have money for, but often times then not id also pay for those. We NEVER got in fights that led to yelling, or calling names, or border line break up. We did have our little ups and downs, but who doesn't? She'd go away for month or a few weeks and id wait for her faithfully. For any occasion I went 110% :holidays, birthdays, Christmas ANYTHING, I never half ***'ed it. Even on our monthly anniversary things, I would still make them special.

The bad: She started hanging out with a lot of guys, she keeps in contact with a lot of her ex's and she hangs with them often too. I felt like I wasn't special to her and had no confidence while she went out with these guys. She doesn't show emotion good, so there was barely any "i love you's" in person or even through text. If we missed a night of saying goodnight through each other over text, I wouldn't get it at all that day. I confronted her about this and she said maybe we should take a break, we did and she wanted me to ask her back out the next day because she couldn't stand not being my girlfriend.

The bad 2: She brought up wanting a break because she feels like she lost her passion for things and that needs a little space from me, but she never decided to take the break, and we saw each other that whole week.

The bad 3: I asked her if she was getting bored of me, when her or her sister start to fade in a relationship with someone they usually say they got bored of that person. And she was honest and said she's a little bored of me, bust she wasn't sure if it was that or just being depressed of living in the town we live in. She hates it here.

The break up: about 2 months go by, and I noticed something funny the one night about her and called her out on it, and she said she was freaked out because I wanted to be with her for a long time. She said she feels like I think she's the one and that I want to be with her forever. I said that I only live day by day and I just wanted to stay with her however long we can stay together. She then said that she doesn't love me as much as I love her, and its unfair to me to not be getting the love I deserve back in return. She also said that if she was going to fall that in love with me it would have happened by now and she doesn't think she ever will. She told me she feels like she's not living the most out of life that she could be and she misses hanging with her friends all the time, I also said she can go hang with them as much as she wants, but she feels bad and hangs with me instead. A week goes by after this conversation because she wanted to talk to her grandmom about it before making a decision. Well... she talked and then it was over. She says she still wants to be friends, and text all the time. She also said that if its meant to be we'll get back together, but then she also added " but i don't want to get your hopes up ", and she said that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she knows I'm not the person she wants a serious relationship with and instead of going out later and ending on bad terms she rather do it now while were on good terms.

After: its been 3 days, we still text a lot, I can tell she's texting different because she not my girlfriend anymore but every now and then she texts as if she was and then reminds her self that she's not and goes back to texting the other way. We hung out the day after, and she was as if she was still my girlfriend, which confused me, and before things went further I stopped and said it was stupid, and then she cried and said she feels awfull for hurting me so badly. The day after she kind of pissed me off, I asked if she'd want to hang out after school at night, and she said maybe, I say " alright text me during class if ya want me to and i'll just come over or lemme know if you went to hang out with your friends and i'll just text ya when i get home then"... I get no text, so I call her on the way to the car, and she's acting real cold towards me, and she went to hang with a friend that I know what's to get with her. Friend of mine's girlfriend told me that she flirted with him a lot to while we were still going out. But then again that's how she is with all guys... she has 0 friends that are girls, and she has quit a past with guys, so she's a flirt.

I don't understand how we can go from being still the way we were that week of undeciding of break up, too barely being friends the next day or so after. We have plans to see a movie tomorrow.

I feel like if she didn't have me around she'd miss me and notice all the things I did for her, and come back thinking she made a mistake... or she'll move on. A bunch of guys like her and she can have any one of them, so that whole looking for someone else thing is easy for her.

What should I do? I don't think we could be friends, I didn't try as hard as I did just to see her with other people and be just friends

[ronaldmcdonald]

Sadly, this kind of thing happens all the time. I have been both the person itching to get out and the lovestruck boyfriend wanting to get back into the girlfriend's good graces. The major point you should take out of this situation is that you two probably are better-off going your separate ways. When one person becomes volatile like this, it usually means that they've grown to recognize more specifically what they are looking for in a "mate". You just need to remind yourself that this kind of relentless drama is not what you are looking for in a mate.

[lemon17]

She was perfect :\ and she was everything I ever wanted, the drama.. no not what I wanted, but she made it all worth it, like she was my high school crush since 9th grade :\ and I finally got her in 12th, and now I got nothing basically

[beachloverjohn]

Just because you did everything for her and treated her like a queen, doesn't mean she owes you something. You did these things because you wanted to. Sometimes people want someone who is not so accessible. That's human nature.

[I wish]

Unfortunately, sometimes feelings drift away naturally. It doesn't mean that you did something wrong to push her away. Just like how she started having feelings for you naturally, she can start losing feelings naturally too.

As for getting bored of you, that's just an excuse to make the break up easier. You don't get bored of someone that you love. On the contrary, because you love the person, that's why you don't get bored of them. But that's another topic for debate.

As for missing you while you're in no contact. If she really missed you, she wouldn't be losing her feelings for you. The reason she stuck around wanting to be friends at first is because it's not easy to cut out the other person immediately. You gradually drift apart. Keeping in touch just makes the break up easier.

Unfortunately, even if she takes you back now, who knows when she will get all these insecurities and leave you again. Can you really live with all that insecurity.

You had your chance together. You got to know each other better. Maybe your feelings grew stronger for her, but she had the opposite effect. It's not that you did something wrong, it's that she's just not attracted to you. It happens. It completely mystifies us when feelings change, but it does happen.

Once you can accept that fact, then it will be easier for you to move on. I suggest you stick to the no contact rules, as you can read about in my signature.

[talaniman]

You may be Mr. Perfect, but obviously she doesn't think so so quit chasing her like a love lorn puppy dog. She dumped you so act like it.

Talaniman Rules-Never assume that your feelings are shared by any one else.
She said herself you feel more for her than she does you and she has many options and opportunities than you do so you are not a priority.
Talaniman Rule-When they ask for a break, give it to them and do your own thing.

Talaniman Rule- When you break up, have the courtesy to revoke their relationship privileges.

Talaniman Rules- when you get dumped, don't go back to get dumped again

Talaniman Rule- Never wait when you get dumped. Get your own life and let them get theirs.

Talaniman Rule-Never follow your heart when it’s so broken, it makes the brain feel like mush
Maybe that's why your still hanging around waiting for permission to be with her, you're thinking with a broken heart filled with false hope, instead of your brain that she is hiding from you.

Talaniman Rule- While they are dumping you, never say you can't be friends. Agree to whatever they want, then disappear from their life.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.
That's what she does, why not you.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.
She sure isn't that's for sure.

Talaniman Rule- Don't play games with your heart, and don't let somebody else play games with it either.

Talaniman Rule- Don't get sucked in the confusion of being friends, at the expense of your healing

Keep your dignity and self respect and disappear from her life so you are not available for her drama.

[beachloverjohn]

Tal, I wasn't able to give you a greenie, but I had to tell you that your post was amazing.. Just fabulous advice. We all can learn from you.

[Fr_Chuck]

It sounds like you were more control and more giving then having a equal relationship. And a good couple with a good relationship has to fight some ( argue) disagree. If not, someone is not being honest about their feelings.

Sounds like she had no chance to be herself and was just being "YOURS"

Start trying to treat them as a equal with equal abilities.

[Shadowburn]

Well, it doesn't really matter how you treated her - she doesn't have feelings for you, and this is it. At least she was honest about it - that's admirable in my book. Look how many people here post about being led on and fooled by their partners.

You can do cartwheels, twist yourself into pretzel, chase her, plead, beg, whatever - nothing in the whole world will change the simple fact that she is not in love with you.

Sucks, I know. But it's time to accept it and to move on.
Best of luck.

[lamp_post]

Just finished your writing and I MUST TELL YOU THAT SHE is playing YOU. U love her so much that she got to keep you around. You just have to stop contacting her and move on with your friends.

Better loving girls come by.

[Starry nights]

Who said no one's been through what you are going through now?in fact,take a look at most of the posts on this forum,you will find similar situations...

What to do,is simple... whats there not to understand here?you loved her,she loved you,you both had a fantastic relationship but then she decides to break up and move on... she has her reasons and it seems like she's going through that oh-so-familiar stage of confusion about whether she did the right thing or not... and while she figures it out,she wants you to hang around for her and just be the comforting,familiar presence you always have been while she moves on a step every day.

You are just(naturally)getting confused about thinking she's still in love with you and all you have to do is keep on proving to her that you love her more and will sort this out without realising that all you are doing is holding on to something that's already faded.

Tal's rules are what you need to stick to--sounds harsh but in order to start your recovery process you need to accept its over first... then begins the grieving(if you must)and the pain and tears-------this stage is the one that takes forever to cross... once you have spent all your tears,you wake up one day to realise that you actually are ready to MOVE ON.

[cozyk]

[
the break up: about 2 months go by, and i noticed something funny the one night about her and called her out on it, and she said she was freaked out because i wanted to be with her for a long time. She said she feels like i think shes the one and that i want to be with her forever. I said that i only live day by day and i just wanted to stay with her however long we can stay together. She then said that she doesn't love me as much as i love her, and its unfair to me to not be getting the love i deserve back in return. She also said that if she was going to fall that in love with me it would have happened by now and she doesn't think she ever will. She told me she feels like shes not living the most out of life that she could be and she misses hanging with her friends all the time, i also said she can go hang with them as much as she wants, but she feels bad and hangs with me instead. A week goes by after this conversation because she wanted to talk to her grandmom about it befor making a decision. Well...she talked and then it was over. She says she still wants to be friends, and text all the time. She also said that if its ment to be we'll get back together, but then she also added " but i don't want to get your hopes up ", and she said that she still loves me and wants to be with me, but she knows im not the person she wants a serious relationship with and instead of going out later and ending on bad terms she rather do it now while were on good terms.[QUOTE][QUOTE]

I have to give her credit for this paragraph. I think she was very revealing and expressed it well. Believe what she is saying to you. Heartbreak sucks and I hope yours heals very soon.