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Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 11:13 AM

Today we finished our relationship... I do not even know how to start... it happened all of the sudden... first I am a premed student and we both go to different colleges... I am also part of a research lab... I barely had time to sleep but to be honest most of the time when I had to visit her I felt lazy of coming to her house... this summer was the beginning of the end... we barely saw each other every two weeks some times because she also had something's to do or because her mom was overprotective(she is 19 by the way)... to make things worse most of the time I was in a hurry and I was always watching the clock... she definitely used to tell me that she feels lonely and bored and that she thinks that I either do not like hanging out with her or not going out whatsoever...

To be honest I felt as if I did not care whether she was with me or not... I felt overconfident about her and not paid attention to any conversation she was telling me because I was always reading books or doing lab reports or practicing more and more exercises... but deep down inside I felt just bored and not very human anymore... I felt as if I did not care about her or anything else except for getting into med school with the highest grades (maybe to give her a great future I don't know) and she was feeling that.

I was sometimes jealous because she used to go out with her friends, but that was definitely a mistake. She was not going to be waiting for me anymore... suddenly she meets this guy at her college who has a girlfriend and who is also premed and who is working and according to my exgf, this guy still had time to go out with his girlfriend.

I do not know if she felt some kind of admiration for him or if she would like somebody like him to be with her because and obviously, I was not that man anymore(I asked 8 female friends and all of them said he was Ugly, and he is for real, so I "think" she feels admiration for him Idk).

When she told me that she wanted to break up I felt devastated, I told her that I will change and that everything will be a lot better (wake up call) we tried for two weeks but it all got worse. One night I called her and she was kind of sad or depressed and she told me that we should definitely break up and I said that we can't break up yet, instead give each other a time.

Three days passed and every night I was crying like a baby. I wrote her a letter and gave it to her today. She read it and she still said it was to late. We decided to break up and be friends. We gave each other a hug and I proposed her to have sex and she was surprised but we actually had sex. I then took her to her class downtown. While I was driving and talking she ended up complaining about my dedication to my books more than her and that now it does not matter because we are just friends.

In conclusion I still love her and I feel so bad for how I behaved. The only thing I know is that I did the most out of me and I made sure to write that she will always be my loved one and that I will always be with her. We decided to go out sometimes but I do not know what to do a this point.

LifeChangesMan · Sep 9, 2010, 01:34 PM

Hey man... without totally crushing your hopes and dreams of being with this girl forever and what not, dude let her go. If she doesn't want to be with you because your into your studies and you struggle to keep your eyes open around her, if she can't be there for YOU in this simple of a task, and time, will she be there when the times get hard? And you really have a problem with your life? Eh, doesn't seem like it from this little paragraph. The simplicity to the situation is 1) your not strong enough to be friends. 2) she doesn't want to be with you anymore 3) you need to stop any contact with her, so that you can heal and move on, you got stuff going on in your life, she's also 19 man... she's got a lot of growing up to do regardless or you see it, or admit to it, it's the truth. You both probably have a lot more people to see and meet before you settle down, and find that real one.

-LCM

talaniman · Sep 9, 2010, 02:54 PM

You bow out gracefully, and keep your dignity, and self respect, and leave her alone. Completely alone, and let her do her thing the way she always wanted to.

You have bigger fish to fry, and so does she. Now leave her alone, since you had no time, and energy for her anyway.

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 03:36 PM

I do have time for her and energy as well. It is just that I felt overconfident and now I do regret for it. I love her and she said she still does.. she is just not in love with me.she wants to be free as you say... and I thought so too but I regret it

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 03:40 PM

The thing is man that I was also tired of this crap.She probably let me go because as she said to me "you were a lot more attentive with me and you stopped being there for me".

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 03:42 PM

I remember once we planned to go out and I made her dress upon. After I got home I felt tired and I called her to tell her that I changed my mind. We did not go out that night. The other day I was close to her house and did not visit her. Guess what

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 03:43 PM

Somebody saw me around and told her,how do you think she felt? And so the problem does not end there. I was broke most of the time how can I take her out If I did not work.

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 03:46 PM

I mean she did not want anything huge but the problem was me and I never wanted to go through an embarrassing situation. But again I thought that was not going to be a problem. I love science but I love her more. You do have a point Jersey but...

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 03:53 PM

I hope you do not have to go through this in your life man. We were together 2 years and a half. SO you cannot stop loving someone suddenly. I just don't know

phantomlrp · Sep 9, 2010, 03:57 PM

Odessy you need to go NC and truly try to stick with it. I was where you are a few weeks ago. I kept contacting my ex and speaking with her everday. I was a complete mess and felt everything was over. I found this site read the stickies and went NC. I have been at it for 10 days now and I feel better about the situation and understand it much better because I am not talking to her everyday and keeping up false hope about the situation. Am I healed or over it? No, not yet but NC is helping me get there.

She said she wanted to break up. I know that is a hard pill to swallow, but you need to accept what she said and stop all contact with her. If you continue to contact her and hold onto all the should have, could have, and woulda's you will only feel worse about what has happened.

Odessy · Sep 9, 2010, 04:37 PM

Yeah Arizona I was just thinking about that NC thing... but let me know if she ever calls you back and if possible let me know how your situation was more or less... send me message... thanks

phantomlrp · Sep 9, 2010, 10:34 PM

She has tried to contact me at least one time a day for the past 10 days. She even called yesterday but I did not answer. I thought maybe sending her a message pretty much saying you go your way and I will go mine might be a good thing.

I posted that question in my topic. After reading the replies to my question and talking to family/friends about it I decided against it. If I texted her that just opens the door for her to suck me into a conversation and manipulate me like I have let her do so many times prior.

That is how it has worked for me so far. You have to make your own decision though and decide how much you are going to take. If you decide to go NC you need to stick to it.

Odessy · Sep 10, 2010, 07:06 AM

Well, it sounds to me that you have forgotten about her... I do not know if that will happen to me but I am decided to use the NC thing... But why she still complained about not giving her enough attention..?.

LifeChangesMan · Sep 10, 2010, 09:04 AM

How old are you? This just sounds more and more petty, just let it go man. I personally only come around this site ever once in awhile, and I firmly believe everything happens for a reason, my story is pretty pure, and you can read it if you like. All I'm saying is that I stumbled onto this site again yesterday, and it was to share my knowledge of pain suffering, and then the great healing that I experienced, which made me grow up and realize how beautiful life really was and how theirs so much more that you need to learn and understand before you can truly have a successful healthy and loving relationship, the quote is, "if you love something let it go, if its come back it's yours forever. if it doesn't, it was never meant to be."

Odessy · Sep 10, 2010, 10:35 AM

Yeah man I am doing that... personally I am trying to accept the fact that I did something wrong and that It killed the relationship.. we have been getting back and breaking up again...

Odessy · Sep 10, 2010, 10:37 AM

If this keep happening is because we did not fix something that had to be fixed a long time ago... I am 24 by the way... But I do not believe that anything that happens you just have to accept it... I do not eat that crap.. I am a fighter...

Odessy · Sep 10, 2010, 10:41 AM

And when I say that I mean it... I am a USA KARATE National Champion... I was badly injured in the first fight, but I decided that If I fight smart I could get the championship... So for now I just want her to have her space to be free and happythanks