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nks10 · Sep 8, 2010, 03:48 PM

My husband is the father of a baby girl whom the mother has full custody. During the entire pregnancy she harassed us and assaulted me so we had a protection order against her. My husband tried to play an active role in the girl's life even after all the harassment but the ex continued with her craziness which is why he gave her full custody. We have not seen the girl since April of this year. We went to court over support and he gives her the determined amount weekly out of his paycheck.
This week we received papers in the mail from the court (NY state by the way!) that she has petitioned to drop the support in efforts to revoke his rights as a father. She has told us that she is marrying her boyfriend of three months and is pregnant again and wants the boyfriend to adopt my husband's daughter. This boyfriend also has a drug-related criminal record. How does this whole revoking/adopting process work? And will the court even revoke my husbands rights with a lowlife like this as the new "father"?

cdad · Sep 8, 2010, 04:03 PM

Mainly it involves "best interest of the child". So if this guy has a long criminal record then at best its iffy. Also Im not aware of any state that allows an adoption so quickly. Most require a stable relationship which means that they would be married for at least 1 years time. Is your husband wanting to agree to this or does he want to fight for custody? What extent do you actually know of the other boyfriend's troubles with the law?

nks10 · Sep 8, 2010, 05:03 PM

Not sure exactly what the boyfriend's exact history is.. I kind of figured that they wouldn't be so keen to the idea of him adopting the girl. The ex is stating that "since he has nothing to do with his daughter she wants to have his rights revoked".
My husband, after going through all the crap with the ex,is willing to give up his rights but not to a felon! He has no contact with the ex except for when she sends harassing texts and phone calls, which happens almost daily. It's a shame because if the mother would just act like an adult it would be a completely different story. We would want to have some sort of agreement set up but this woman is insane! But we have heard that NY state is always pro-mommy and we cannot afford a long legal battle for custody..

cdad · Sep 8, 2010, 05:19 PM

Save all emails and contact. Your husband (since your not a legal party to this) needs to do some homework. And as far as custody goes that is something he can do on his own without a lawyer if he needs to. He needs to look up parental alienation. That sounds like what is happening and it's a good case for a custody switch should he actually want to raise his daughter. But before saying anything about the boyfriend he needs to know the facts and when going to court its only facts and not what you believe things to be.

ScottGem · Sep 8, 2010, 05:19 PM

Either he fights for custody and a role in his child's life or he abdicates.

A step-parent adoption is easier and doesn't require the in depth parental checks that a full adoption does. Basically the court feels if the custodial parent is willing to marry the step-parent s/he trusts that person.

Fr_Chuck · Sep 8, 2010, 05:39 PM

First she can not just "give up getting support to try this" he has a court order to pay, and is required to pay even if she says she does not want it. Unless he has been to court and the court order officially changed ( it will not change for her merely trying to change custody) If he does not pay, he will be in contempt of court and can be treated as a dead beat dad for non payment.

Next if he does not want to ever see the child, and you can live with a man who can so easily give up his child, then he merely signs his rights over though her attorney to allow the adoption.

If he does not want to allow the adoption, he needs to start a regular visits of the child, keep paying his support, and appear in court if she tries to take away any of his rights.

nks10 · Sep 8, 2010, 06:19 PM

We have saved everything over the last year and a half and the judge always seems to just brush it off. We have flirted with the idea of pressing harassment charges against her.
I know for certain she is not using a lawyer and went directly to the family court office and filed the petition to drop support. We have an appt. with a lawyer tomorrow to see about all of this! Thanks for all of the input, any more are greatly appreciated!

stevetcg · Sep 9, 2010, 07:34 AM

If the drops the support, do yourself a favor. Take the money, every penny, that was being paid in support and put it in a bank account. I have read far too many accounts of people supposedly having support orders dropped get hit with tens of thousands in arrears down the road. Until the adoption is final, do not assume anything is on the up and up.