[talaniman]

I don't think this is a healthy relationship to stay in, and would have to remove myself, no matter what the individual issues were. If no one is getting help, then I would be long gone. Situations that are not dealt with, go bad really fast.

[Jake2008]

Had to spread the rep Tal, but I agree.

This is standard, modus operandi in the household.

I'd be long gone too.

[Sharon1121]

Last night he told me that he had to drive her to 3 different malls to buy a particular brand name school journal that she wanted. I got very mad because he seemed amused by it. I felt it was an apprpriate time to addressed the issues I have regarding his and his daughters behaviour. He got very upset and told me that they have a "particular" bond.I realized that there is some kind of emotional incest going on. I realized that he will always take her side no matter what so, Although I think that there is nothing sexual going on between them I have decided to remove myself from the situation by leaving. I feel that my relationship with him has been purposely ruined by his daughter. I told him that his daughter will be happy when I go. He got even more upset wheni said that.

[kaka67]

I feel that my relationship with him has been purposely ruined by his daughter. I told him that his daughter will be happy when i go. He got even more upset wheni said that.

She's a kid. She'll play whatever game gets her what she wants.

Don't take it personally. Your blaming the wrong person.

Its up to the dad to draw the line and he doesn't want to.

[ScottGem]

I have a feeling you were looking to get out of the relationship and are looking at the situation with the daughter to justify it. Whatever the reasons, you clearly want out, and, in that case, that is the right move for you.

[Jake2008]

Sharon, I'm glad for your own sake that you addressed this, directly with him. His defence of his behaviour with his daughter, instead of surprise or embarrassment or shock at your observations and questions, pretty much tells the story of what the truth is here.

Emotional incest is an interesting thought.

He refers to it as a 'special bond', meaning that there must be something in his brain somewhere that tells him his relationship is not only different than most father's with 13 year old daughters, but it is better. He'll have a rude awakening when someone in authority checks this 'special sleeping together' bond.

I don't think that things would have changed at all, because he has obviously put your needs, and your concerns on the back burner.

And, I agree that she has ruined your relationship, but, he steered the ship so to speak. To not hold her accountable is to say that he was/is unable to see that his behaviour provided fertile ground for her to do so. Any parent with a 13 year old can tell you that they are master manipulaters, and can find a way if they are determined, to crack the foundation of any relationship. In other words, he provided the tools- compliance, opportunity, and unchecked behaviour, and she used them, against you.

It makes me wonder, in the future, what she will do to him, to get what she wants. I'd say he's in for a rude awakening when the tables turn- again, only this time, on him.

All the best of luck to you, you are doing the right thing here.

[asking]

Last night he told me that he had to drive her to 3 different malls to buy a particular brand name school journal that she wanted. I got very mad because he seemed amused by it. I felt it was an apprpriate time to addressed the issues i have regarding his and his daughters behaviour. He got very upset and told me that they have a "particular" bond.I realized that there is some kind of emotional incest going on. I realized that he will always take her side no matter what so, Although I think that there is nothing sexual going on between them I have decided to remove myself from the situation by leaving. I feel that my relationship with him has been purposely ruined by his daughter. I told him that his daughter will be happy when i go. He got even more upset wheni said that.

Congratulations, Sharon, on taking this step. I think even when the daughter was grown this would remain a challenging situation and you have done the right thing. It's also good that you told him why you were leaving, as he needs to hear that his sleeping with his 13 year old daughter is not socially acceptable. He seems to be living in a fantasy where this is all very nice, and is even to be proud of spoiling his princess daughter, as if that makes him a good dad. But it's not good for his relationships with other adult women and it's not good for his daughter.