[modernromance09]

I am 20 years old and me and my boyfriend, who is 21, have been dating for about 4 months now. This is only my second real relationship and he is the only guy I have ever felt like I truly loved. We tell each other we love each other all the time, and he has even brought up marriage but I'm not sure he's completely serious about that and I know I don't want to do anything like that anytime soon considering how young I am and since we haven't been together that long. Things have moved really fast with him. I moved in with him and his family a few weeks ago, not just because I wanted to live with him though, I no longer drive due to my parents taking my off their insurance and there are no jobs within walking distance from my house which is the main reason I moved. Anyway, ever since day 1 he has not trusted me at all because I have been honest with him. He is the 13th guy I have slept with, and I was truthful with him about that. I was stupid and immature before him and half the guys I was with didn't mean much to me at all, and I have told him this as well. I have changed a lot since I started dating him and can't even imagine going back to my old ways now. I used to be the typical party girl just drinking till I can hardly walk and not having a care in the world. I have trust issues as well but for some reason I trust him. But the other day I was bored and just going through is Facebook and saw that he will leave flirty comments on other girls pages which I don't know if I should be concerned about. The last one was a comment on a girls picture.. some girl commented saying, "you're hot lets bang" and he commented pointing arrows to her comment saying, "what she said". I don't think he would ever cheat on me.. but for some reason this really bothers me and I feel a little bit like a typical psycho girlfriend for it. The thing that really bothers me though is that he can leave comments like that, regardless if he's joking or not, and if I said something like hi what's up to a guy he would say something like ohh talking to your other boyfriends? While I know he is sort of joking, I know he is also bothered. Majority of my friends were guys before him, and now I no longer have any friends because of him. He doesn't say I'm not allowed to hang out with them, but I've hung out with guys twice in the entire 4 months we've been together and he freaked out both times so I don't bother even hanging out with my friends anymore. I don't know what to do. I miss my friends so much but I love my boyfriend too and don't want to lose him. Sorry for how lengthy this was but I don't really have anyone to talk to about this and need some advice.

[talaniman]

Sorry but you have only been together for 4 months yet you depend on him already? That can't be good, and he sounds so young and immature, as do you.

I think you both live in fear of being hurt, and that's not very healthy, when it affects how you treat each other which is NOT very well. Hard to grow in love when you have those kinds of issues working against you.

[Jake2008]

So what's the scoop with your parents taking you off their insurance, and why did that mean you had to move in with your new boyfriend and his family, just two weeks ago.

Prior to moving in with him, what was your life like. You've said you weren't working, and you are 20 years old. Do you go to school? Who was supporting you then (at home), and who is supporting you now- your boyfriends parents?

I don't know why his place is a good alternative to your parents home. Are you expected to contribute at your boyfriends house?

I think that instead of wondering about who's doing who via Facebook, you might want to think about how you are going to support yourself, and what your plans are for the immediate future.

A jealous boyfriend should be the least of your worries in my opinon.

[modernromance09]

Sorry but you have only been together for 4 months yet you depend on him already? That can't be good, and he sounds so young and immature, as do you.

I think you both live in fear of being hurt, and thats not very healthy, when it affects how you treat each other which is NOT very well. Hard to grow in love when you have those kinds of issues working against you.

I am not dependent on him.. I moved in with him because my parents took me off their insurance and there was no work within walking distance for me. I know I am immature in ways, I am at least mature enough to realize that. We both definitely do, though he definitely is more scared of being hurt than me which is a very big problem in our relationship.

So what's the scoop with your parents taking you off their insurance, and why did that mean you had to move in with your new boyfriend and his family, just two weeks ago.

Prior to moving in with him, what was your life like. You've said you weren't working, and you are 20 years old. Do you go to school? Who was supporting you then (at home), and who is supporting you now- your boyfriends parents?

I don't know why his place is a good alternative to your parents home. Are you expected to contribute at your boyfriends house?

I think that instead of wondering about who's doing who via Facebook, you might want to think about how you are going to support yourself, and what your plans are for the immediate future.

A jealous boyfriend should be the least of your worries in my opinon.

Well, I got my license suspended a couple months ago for having two moving violations within a year which upset them quite a bit. They also said my insurance was getting too expensive for them to pay. Before I had gotten my license suspended I was in school, going to a community college and had finished a year of that. My parents were supporting me as they would not allow me to work while I was in school. My boyfriend mainly supports me, but I am looking for a job so I can support myself. I do not like the idea of having to depend on anyone. I am living here so that I can eventually support myself.

[Homegirl 50]

The first thing you need to do is move out of boy friends house. There are too many issues there, his jealousy and your dependency.
You can't even hang out with your friends cause you're trying to cater to a 4 month relationship.
You both don't sound like you're very stable at this point and it will only be a matter of time before one of you has a blow up.
Move back in with your parents until you can do better.

[talaniman]

So you are trying to have a romance with this guy, and thought moving in with him was a way to make things better and have fun at the same time?

Now that you see that is not working, maybe going home would be a better place to get your act together. Your parents rules may have been tough, but at least you are not in a place you moved to for the wrong reasons and have his rules to contend with. (and his fears, and immaturities)

This is NOT modern romance, but a very bad mistake, among many you have made.

I am living here so that I can eventually support myself.

That's better done at home.

[Jake2008]

It sounds like everything came to a halt- your job, your school, your car insurance, your relationship with your parents, and your home.

I hope that you living with your boyfriend is only temporary, until you can establish your own residence and get back on your feet again. Or, you can (if possible), move back in with your parents, and have some arrangement to pay the difference in the increase in their car insurance.

I'll be honest with you here, the only person you can truly count on to make your way in this world, is yourself. We all face blips and challenges along the way, but ultimately, it will be your own brainpower that will ensure your survival. Even with a boyfriend, parents, friends etc. the only constant person in your life- is you.

Try to put a plan in place, with goals. Set up a schedule for yourself so you can maximize the hours in the day, to be as productive as possible.

If you plan to return to college, and I hope you do, visit the registrars' office, and find out about student loans and grants. Ask about subsidies for on campus dorms. Get a student line of credit if you have to.

As to a boyfriend, I guarantee you they will come and go. As they should. You will venture very far down that road you want to travel to reach your goals, without having to stop and worry about a boyfriend. He is likely going to be short term. Your life, is long term.

Put yourself first, fly under your own steam. Everything else will fall into place when you are in a position of strength and independence.

[modernromance09]

Thank you everyone for your advice. My mother said that she would work out some sort of deal with me and pay half of the insurance for my car.. only problem is that I would have no ride to work so for now I am staying here until I can afford some of the insurance. My plan after that is to move back in with my parents.

[Jake2008]

This is music to my ears!

Good for you, if you lived closer I would buy you a coffee and a big piece of chocolate cake to celebrate.

I certainly got the impression that you have a lot of quality to your thoughts (even though some were not what I would agree with), but, you are thinking and looking into the future, and taking that step to get going.

I think that's awesome!!

[thalya]

I know how you feel... I am like 15.. I was in 16 or moe relatipnships.. just for fun,when I was bored.my lats relationship I was willing to be committed but he wasn't... he dumped me by saying he needed to find himslef.. I told him take his time.. so I meet this guy in the most aburd way.. we know each othe r4 like 5 months.. we are not together... most of my friends are guys to.. an he makes those same snotty jokes.. he doesn't trust me at all... I love him an he loves me I believe he does...
I think you shouldn't sweat it.. thats small stuff,just play along,lower your expectations,be patient,understanding an just keep on loving him... it worked for me...

[Homegirl 50]

First one should never lower their expectations in regards to a guy/gal, and this thread is two years old.