[ArchPoo]

I belong to scheduled caste(harijan) and want to marry a guy (Koiri, maurya by caste). But his parents are not getting convinced for our marriage as they are worried about his sister's (both 19 years old) marriage. Because in our society, my caste is considered too low and people don't want to get into relation with lower caste.
His parent's only worry is his sister's marriage.
Please somebody suggest me what should I do? I don't want to loose him.

[bendingleconte]

Haribol,

The harijan caste are the "children of God." Also, the Indian government banned discrimination of harijans in 1949. While the Maurya are farmers.

It is very important to ask how your guy feels about the marriage. I know plenty of Indian people who have married despite the caste system. In this day, the best thing to do is to NOT recognize the caste at all.

In Krshna's name, your servant.




Furthermore, the reason they are worried about his sister's marriage is because they fear superstition that by marrying out of caste, one will suffer in life.

As Hindu, you should already be aware that we are suffering in life. Explain to his parents that Krishna wants us to wed a spiritual partner, that regardless of caste, your husband will help nourish a spiritual relationship that will enable you both to return to the Lord.

[ArchPoo]

Even I also know that these kind of discriminations should not be there. That is why I want to marry him. But please suggest me what should I do to convince his parents. We talk and discussed everything with his parents but nothing is working.

[talaniman]

Have you shown them his good practical points such as his job, and ability to support you? His devotion to you, and YOUR family?

[ArchPoo]

The problem is not from my family. My family is ready to accept but its his family.
His family also doesn't have any problem with me in personal but its my caste which is bothering them as they are worried about its consequences on their daughter's marriage as marrying to a scheduled caste is not acceptable in their soceity and family.

Please Some one suggest what should I do?

[talaniman]

Sorry for that misunderstanding, but you want us to give you suggestions that will change many years of culture and thinking, when the bottom line is that its up to you and HIM to take action, and unless he is willing to go against his parents for the sake of HIS marriage, then there is little you can do. So HE is the one to convince to take actions, NOT his family.

So what does he feel should be the plan of action, and what has he done to clear the way for marriage to you?? You have told us what his family feels, right or wrong, but what is he planning on doing about this himself??

Sorry but if he is unwilling to be independent of his family, there is no suggestion in the world to make HIM change his mind, and if that's the case, you both are wasting your time, especially you. I caution you against just blaming his family, because he is responsible for his own actions, and maybe this is but a preview as to how much power he gives his family over him in the future, whether he marries you, or someone they choose for him.

[ArchPoo]

Offcourse he doing his best to convince his parents. Its not that we are not doing anything to turn up things and asking people for solution. It's that we have tried everything on our bahalf and nothing is changing or turning towards right. Just because we are not able to think of any other solution, we are asking for some solution from you people.
Please help us with some ideas if you have in spite of criticisiing me or him or our situation. We are already going through a very bad phase and don't have a single support or any one to share about this.
Please help us people!

[talaniman]

There is no solution to changing someone's else's heart, or mind. NONE!! All that matters is what you and your man decide to do on YOUR OWN! That's your solution, and what you need to talk about.

Don't you think if there was a sure fire way to change someone's mind, that it would be available?? Why have you NOT presented a united front and tell them of what you both will do, with, or without their blessing, or approval???

[ArchPoo]

@Talaniman. Does that means, we should leave our families and get married and stay separately with no one in our lives except two of us? Would that be a solution to our problem?

[talaniman]

In my culture that's exactly what we do and we build a life together that's a happy one for ourselves without depending on family to like it at all. That's their choice isn't it?

So how does he feel about that? Look I do understand your culture, and traditions can be limiting, and frustrating, but aren't they all? Only you and your man can make a decision that affects you for life together., or you live within the custom, and tradition of your culture.

You will either face the consequences, or get the blessings of your actions, and that's something every human faces by the decisions they make, NO MATTER what culture you are in. Even my own.

[sureshguntha]

Hi I am also suffering from the same problem but do remember one thing parents will always think about children's life but I am sure that they won't feel happy if we are suffering with some problem if that guy is having a job then there is no problem 1st you both go for marriage and reamining thing leave for the gods sake .you have to stay with him for a life time not his parents and tell him that he has to give one surity in his home that he will take care of his systers and other than this there is no solution for this you both have to move forward to take action about this...
ALL THE BEST FOR UR FUTURE>>>>>>>
GOD BLESS YOU>>>>>
From
Suresh,
[email protected]

[diwakarsingh]

KOIRI OR KOERY--This is a caste which is originated from MAURYA VANSH or KUSH VANSH, known on the name of twin son of LORD RAMA(another being LAVA). After the Kalinga war, THE GREAT ASHOKA(58th line of KUSHA) decided no further war. After that many soldiers were unemployed and subsequently they had chosen agriculture (mainly vegetables) as there profession. The land use for the growth of vegetables is known as KORARD in local language (PALI, MAITHILI & MAGAHI) in the region. Thus, KOIRI OR KOERY are KUSHWAHA “KSHATRIYA SURYAVANSHI” via Maurya Vansh in the Indian caste system