[James16]

The woman I love went back to her husband recently after being with me for 7 months. The first time she left she stayed away for 2 months, during which time he threatened self-harm, and basically worked on her guilt & compassion. She returned to him. Within days she contacted me and said she was feeling awful, that she'd made a mistake. The reason she left was because he was controlling. He promised he had changed. He was reading books. Etc. Now she is going to leave him for good. She is planning on doing this in the next few weeks. In the past, while we were seeing each other, the fact that they were sharing a bed was just how it was, and while I wasn't thrilled, I accepted it. It's different now. I know she loves me, and until last week we had ben making love. But I've insisted we don't see each other physically. I'm just not up to being physical with her, then having her go home and sleep in the same bed as him. She insists they don't have sex, but I don't believe her as I feel she is just protecting me.

Am I being too precious here? Too pathetic? I don't have a lover, nor am I sharing the same bed with anyone. She tells me they cuddle up at night. Personally, I'd not be able to do this if I truly loved someone else. I've told her that I'm unhappy about the situation. I just think, also, that if you're planning on leaving someone, the intimacy of cuddling at night, even if you're not having sex, would be giving that person the wrong idea.
Any advice/thoughts would be so welcome.

[talaniman]

If you are dumb enough to mess with a married woman, and not demand that she leave you alone until after the DIVORCE, then you deserve what ever misery you get from her.

Just my opinion.

[Kitkat22]

Sure she doesn't have sex and I have three eyes.

Leave her alone and shame on you! You're probably not the first
She has used to scratch her itch.

[DoulaLC]

Agree with the others... end the contact with her and see if she actually gets divorced.

She is leaving him, but she sleeps with him? Why can't she sleep on the couch if she feels she needs to stay there still? Open your eyes... you don't sleep and cuddle with someone you are planning on leaving.

If she really wants to be with you, she would have started the process of separating from him already and that starts with not being physical with him, in any capacity.

I don't think she knows what she wants. Protect your heart from any further pain and give her plenty of space and time to figure it out.

[kaka67]

If she wants to be with you then why isn't she?

You're her plan B while she's with him. Then when she's with you he's her Plan B.

Id get out of this real quick.

People who love each other actually want to be with each other. She'd leave him and be done with it. Guilt or no guilt.

If you choose to say (why?) I would start watching her actions not listening what comes out of her two-timing mouth.

[pandead]

You told her that you are "unhappy about the situation"? Are you insane? Walk away, now!

With Tal's permission, I might add, Stay away from anyone that has an ex involved in their lives. Period.

[Devorameira]

I know you really care for her and would like to believe what she's telling you, but I think she's telling you a tale.

This woman is totally off limits. She's married and has made the decision to keep both you and her husband hanging on by a thread.

How long are you willing to wait for her to change her life for you? And how much of your own life are you wasting waiting for her?

False hope cripples us. That's because it involves living in unreality, robbing us of dignity and a sense of direction.

Don't hold on to someone who is unavailable. You have a life to live too and, although it will be very painful, you should move on. Tell her to look you up if it's ever completely over with him.

[Imabadman]

You know I was in the same position as you at one time. I wrote a long post about my experience on another forum, out of respect I will not mention it here, however; Google, "Affair? WALK AWAY!" and read it.

Sorry friend these situations seldom end happy.