[koureli]

Hallo to all. I have the same problem as many people here as I sadly see.

I am 27 years old and never had a girlfriend. Never had the guts to go to one from my school / univercity etc and talk to her in a way implying I want sex.

Some times I tried getting to know women at clubs / bars but I was turned down.


I probably lack the social skills that you need in order to get involved in such situations. Sometimes I feel like there is a password for getting sex and I don't know it... I want serious relationships but I also want to get full of sex before getting into one, so the "serious" girl won't notice that I was her first. Many girls here say its nice to date a virgin etc BUT I Don't WANT TO BE CONSIDERDED AS THE STRANGE ONE...

This has of course affected my life in many ways:

-as years pass I think more and more of sex, so I don't give attention in ather aspects of my life (univercity, job, etc)

-i don't feel comfortable being around people who have sex while I don't so I have started drinking and drugs just to be able to talk to people...

-from time to time I think "why dont i have the right to have sex with 15 16 17 year old girls" Don't GET ME WRONG, of course now I won't be able to do so at 27, but most people start their sexual life at this age, so most probably they discover sex with partners of their age, why didn't I have the right to have that joy? I think about it and I'm afraid of doing anything stupid and hurting people and ending up in jail. I still have my mind straigt but I'm afraid I will lose it if this situation continues...

The thing is I am KIND OF cool in my circle so never having a girl is probably my fault.


Another thing is that I don't want to go in a serious relationship with a girl that had 500 boyfriends while I had no girl and this makes the situation more complex..

I recently had an eczema on my hands due to stress and I'm sure its because of that. You know, summer in greece, everyone gets *** except of me... :(


As I said I don't know how to get a girl to have sex with me, but even if I could maybe I backed down with the fear that she would notice...

I have read here that there are girls who like virgin men, so I think maybe I go to another country for some time and tell the girl I HOPEFULLY meet I'm virgin so I am not worried about finding out and then return to greece as a different person...

I have been with prostitutes some times but its surely not like having your girl and having sex all day and night... :(

What is your opinion? Sorry for the big text...

[ROLCAM]

The joke of the day!

A virgin that has been with prostitutes!

What a laugh!

[Synnen]

So... do you want sex, or a relationship?

Sounds like you've HAD sex--with prostitutes. Which is the only way you get to have an easy hook-up. Sorry, but that's the way it is.

Getting a girl takes work and confidence. You say your social skills may be lacking, so go learn social skills!

I guarantee you that your virginity (if you are, indeed, a virgin) matters more to you than it does to anyone else, and only YOU making a big deal out of it will make it a big deal.

[koureli]

The joke of the day !!

A virgin that has been with prostitutes !!

What a laugh !!

having sex with 4 prostitutes i.e. 4 x 20 minutes = 1h 20mins of sex in 12 years that I should be sexually active is not something...


I want to BE WANTED I want girls to want me do them don't I have that right?? I see other people around me that since 15 have never been alone... I see other people that go vacations at greek islands for 5 days and have sex with 5 different girls...

I go vacations and try and try and nothing.. and then I return in worse mental condition than I left..


its not about the virginity thing, its about being a 27 year old man and having needs that I must cover and I cant. Its about that I never had the feeling that a girl wants me, that somebody else loves me except from my family... its about seeing couples and crying inside me...

how about that for the joke of the day? *******

[koureli]

Getting a girl need confidence probably BUT NOT WORK in 2010. As I said most people I know meet a girl one night make out and then have sex the other day... it seems only I can't do it :(

And getting to know a girl, which is dificult for me because I change 5 colors when I talk to one and everybody notices anxiety...

[koureli]

Sometimes I think OK I am alive I am healthy there are other people in worse situation than me so I must not complain...

But as my mental health is worse than ever, my physical health follows... and with the drinking and the pills this gets worse :(

[Curlyben]

Just to clear this up and for the avoidance of doubt

YOU ARE NOT A VIRGIN!!

having sex with 4 prostitutes

[koureli]

I have never kissed, I have never asked a girl successfully out nor have I been asked out, and I don't know how to deal with a girl and imply that I want her even if I went out with her.

At 27...

If you don't want to call it a virgin its OK but for me I am... and maybe worse than a real virgin because I have felt what sex is like and I need it... and obviously in order to have a normal married life, I need to be full of sexuall experience before I get married... for me at least

[Curlyben]

You have had Sexual Intercourse, so you are NOT a virgin!

It's THAT simple.

[koureli]

U don't get the problem but its OK... u can't feel how I feel if you haven't been in the position that I am and I'm glad that you haven't.. never mind I hope the best for you

[Synnen]

Your problem isn't that you're a virgin, because you're not.

Your problem is that you think you are ENTITLED to women wanting you.

Well, I don't know who YOUR friends are--but MINE wouldn't fall in bed with someone they met that day. The women I know want to be wooed, want to have someone show interest in them, and want to be accepted for who they are.

What they do NOT want is a guy that thinks he has the "right" to be wanted. They don't want someone who can't even come up with the courage to talk to them, ask them out. They don't want someone who sees sex and relationships as the same thing.

If you want someone to want you, to fall into bed with you the day they meet you, then get a prostitute. They're PAID to want you.

REAL women don't work that way, regardless what your friends have happen to them.

PS--the only real difference between a slut and a whore is HOW they are paid. A whore gets cash, a slut gets trinkets, dinner, and sexual satisfaction. Or whatever. Someone who is relationship material is probably NOT going to fall into bed with you just because you want them to.

I repeat my advice: work on your confidence and social skills. And get a therapist or counselor to help you.

[smoothy]

You are NOT a 27 year old Virgin no matter how much you want to think you are.

You lost the right to that claim the first time you had sex with another person.

[Cat1864]

i have never kissed, i have never asked a girl successfully out nor have i been asked out, and i dont know how to deal with a girl and imply that i want her even if i went out with her.

at 27...

if you dont want to call it a virgin its ok but for me i am... and maybe worse than a real virgin because i have felt what sex is like and i need it... and obviously in order to have a normal married life, i need to be full of sexuall experience before i get married... for me at least

I am going to be harsh:

Your attitude sounds more like a 15 year old boy than a man. You don't know how to approach women because your concept of a relationship is that of teenage male going through adolescence.

You think you are entitled to sex and being wanted. That it is your 'right'. You talk about bars and vacations. You talk about all the sex you think everyone else is getting. I bet they aren't getting near what you think they are. You talk about going on vacation and lying about being a virgin (I am sure that you are aware that putting your penis in a vagina even once means you aren't a virgin anymore) just to get in some random "girl's" pants in hopes that it will change your luck at home. That is pure Fantasy.

Grow up. Learn that women (not 'girls') want more than to be one of a dozen 'conquests'. Change your attitude about sex and intimacy. Decide if you want multiple partners who couldn't care less about who they bed or a relationship with someone who wants to build a life with you. If all you want is the experience of multiple partners, keep going to prostitutes.

IF you want a relationship, get involved in things where you can meet people and work on your social skills (volunteer, hobbies, gym, etc). Approach women not as objects for your gratification, but as people you want to get to know. People who have thoughts in their heads besides sex.

[koureli]

Hallo thanks for the answer. I agree that my concept of relationship is that of a teenage male, BUT I would like to pass through that stage.

Its very sad to accept I have missed it forever. I don't want a serious relationship I want SEXUAL relationships i.e. 1 2 weeks 1 2 months of SEX and KISSES and GOING OUT etc. I'm crying everyday when I think of what I have missed in my life...

When you have oxygen around you then when someone asks you what you want most in life you want say oxygen.. I hope you get me :)

[J_9]

i dont want a serious relationship i want SEXUAL relationships

Sorry to be the LAST one to break it to you, but you ain't no virgin. I hope that you are getting checked for STDs including HIV/AIDS.

As long as you are having sex with prostitutes/ladies of the night/hookers, you ARE having sexual relationships. Go get tested before you pass on the STDs to the next prostitute.


Oh, yeah, and BTW... most prostitutes don't kiss.

[smoothy]

hallo thanx for the answer. i agree that my concept of relationship is that of a teenage male, BUT i would like to pass through that stage.

its very sad to accept i have missed it forever. i dont want a serious relationship i want SEXUAL relationships ie 1 2 weeks 1 2 months of SEX and KISSES and GOING OUT etc. im crying everyday when i think of what i have missed in my life...

when you have oxygen around you then when someone asks you what you want most in life you want say oxygen.. i hope you get me :)

You aren't a teenager either, you only have one shot at it and you are 9 years past that stage... if you want sex... rent a hooker. Women are not sex toys.

If you want to date... start by growing up and acting 27, not 14. Also... the world does not revolve around you and your wants... if you want a woman, you have to treat her like a real woman, not a sex object. Would you treat your mother or sister like that? I think not.

Second... women like maturity, not immaturity. You aren't entitled to anything. You get what you earn. And its not you that determines if and when you are deserving of anything from another person... its THEIR choice to make.

This appears how you are based on what you have said and how you have said it.

Perhaps behavioural concelling is in order... I see habits, viewpoints and attitudes that are not what one would consider average. And quite honestly its hard to start with all the things I can see that's wrong here. And they outnumber what I see as being right.

I know you say you are 27... but I see so much that would be typical for a socially awkard 12 year old boy in this post its not funny.

[martinizing2]

-i dont feel confortable being around people who have sex while i dont so i have started drinking and drugs just to be able to talk to people....

-from time to time i think "why dont i have the right to have sex with 15 16 17 year old girls" DONT GET ME WRONG, of course now i wont be able to do so at 27, but most people start their sexual life at this age, so most probably they discover sex with partners of their age, why didnt i have the right to have that joy? i think about it and im afraid of doing anything stupid and hurting people and ending up in jail. i still have my mind straigt but im afraid i will lose it if this situation continues.....

From what you say you might want to stop the drinking and drugs. You could give drug users and drunks a bad name.

And it's not helping your thought processes if you think ANYBODY has
THE RIGHT TO HAVE SEX. No such thing unless you count mastrabation
Which I doubt , if you don't count prostitutes.

You have the right to pleasure yourself and that's the only sexual right anybody has.

Your mind is not straight and I suggest you get counseling before it strays any farther off course. We'll be seeing you on "To Catch a Predator"... Chris Hanson will be saying to you "..koureli...take a seat, right there ..."

You have some serious misconceptions and should get some help for yourself.

[Synnen]

So... you want random hook-ups for sex instead of a relationship.

Honey--if it lasts a couple of months, it's a relationship, even if it's only a sexual relationship. Thing is--you have to TREAT her like it's a relationship, not like it's a sexual fling.

If you just want a few days of no-strings-attached sex, rent a hooker.

Here's the thing: I'm a woman, and your attitude toward women turns me off completely. I don't think I'd even want to be friends with you, much less let you into my bed. You SCARE me with your attitude about what you want to use women for.

Yes, USE. You aren't looking for a mutual thing, you are looking for a hooker you don't have to pay.

[koureli]

I never said I don't want to treat a girl right... you get me wrong only synnen might have understood..

Oney--if it lasts a couple of months, it's a relationship, even if it's only a sexual relationship

I agree... I just mean that I don't want to make a relationship with marrige in my mind and thus I don't count it as serious. Anyway.. thank you all for your oppinions but I don't think you have helped much...


My attitude turns you off, but I envy you and every woman I meet for having more sex than I have had. I feel lower than her how can I explain it? Lower than women who can have sex anytime, and lower than men who do them. That's about it.

[smoothy]

i never said i dont want to treat a girl right....... you get me wrong only synnen might have understood..

oney--if it lasts a couple of months, it's a relationship, even if it's only a sexual relationship

i agree..... i just mean that i dont want to make a relationship with marrige in my mind and thus i dont count it as serious. anyway.. thank you all for your oppinions but i dont think you have helped much....


my attitude turns you off, but i envy you and every woman i meet for having more sex than i have had. i feel lower than her how can i explain it? lower than women who can have sex anytime, and lower than men who do them. thats about it.

You see... sit back and read what you just wrote... then go back and read what we wrote again.

Attitude... its all about attitude. You clearly haven't paid any attention to what we were trying to tell you. Seriously do what I said and tell us what you see wrong in what you were saying? Were trying to help you here, but you have to try as well.