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    BlueGirl443's Avatar
    BlueGirl443 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 15, 2010, 01:41 PM
    Straight girl confused about friendship with gay male
    I became friends with a gay male, we became fast close friends and had a great couple of months together. All of a sudden he picked a fight with me over something and I kept saying I'm sorry, let's just move forward. He wouldn't communicate with me at all even though I tried to call or text him. Now, we have gotten to the point that he is responding to texts but he won't speak on the phone or see me.This is a person that I spoke to almost everyday and saw a couple times a week. I miss my friend and can't understand how he could hide behind texts and not miss our friendship. He always seemed so happy to be around me and we always had a great time together and so much fun. I was never inconsiderate of him as well as he not of me. Up until now he never said he was unavailable for seeing or speaking to me. I'm left confused and hurt and can't understand why he would do this all of a sudden.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #2

    Aug 15, 2010, 03:28 PM

    When the other will not talk there is not much you can do.
    There is a possibility he has done something he feels guilty about and that is why he picked the fight,

    It would be easier to do that maybe, than to deal with the truth.
    Of course this is entirely speculation. The reason I brought it up is because I have seen it happen many many times.

    Since you are in a friendship situation, I will say see if he gets back in touch after a while.

    Your hands are tied in this kind of situation. The ball is in his court.

    I wish you well
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Aug 15, 2010, 03:39 PM

    You said move forward, what type of move did you want in the relationship ?
    BlueGirl443's Avatar
    BlueGirl443 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Aug 15, 2010, 09:47 PM

    Move forward from the fight and getting back to what had become our normal friendship. Apparently it was easier for me to move on since I am a forgiving person and he is not. Also I was the one who got dumped on not the dumpee.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #5

    Aug 16, 2010, 03:18 AM
    I don't know why you make the distinction that you are, as your question says, a "straight girl confused about friendship with gay male". Why the distinction. Why not just the fact that you have a problem with a friend.

    You said he picked a fight with you, and you kept saying you were sorry, but, he hasn't let go of it. Did you insult his sexuality?

    I don't know what the fight was about, but fights happen between friends. I would consider that a test. If a friendship can't survive a fight, what's the point in the frienship in the first place.

    But, gay fights, straight fights, bi fights, fights have no special status because of the sexual identities of the parties fighting.

    Perhaps it got too personal?

    If he is still in touch a little bit, let him cool off, and wait for him to contact you. I would imagine, unless you've really offended him, or come onto him or something, that he will come around.

    Then again, the friendship is very new, and if it isn't going to work out after a few months, you haven't lost, or invested too much.
    BlueGirl443's Avatar
    BlueGirl443 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Aug 17, 2010, 11:47 AM

    I would never of insulted his sexuality. The distinction is because he felt the need to keep reminding me he was attracted to men. I told him I knew that and I wasn't going to forget. So coming onto him was something that was never going to happen.The fight was much more petty than that. He blew up at me because I asked him why he didn't respond to several phone calls. I apologized for asking in case I invaded his space. But there seems to be more going on here.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #7

    Aug 17, 2010, 12:03 PM
    If he felt the need to keep reminding you that he was gay, for some reason- not saying you did anything wrong here- he was not getting the impression that you were getting it.

    Maybe there is a partner in his life that is uncomfortable with the friendship you two have, or is bothered by the 'several phone calls' as you said. He could have a love interest and just simply wishes to spend more time with them, and less time with any of his friends, gay or straight.

    To be honest with you, I've never had a gay friend ever have to remind me that they were gay. For some reason, he saw you as getting, or having, feelings for him that went beyond friendship is the only thing I can think of.

    All you can do is respect his privacy, if he needs time to cool off, or it becomes obvious that the friendship is not going to work, leave him be, and move on.

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