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atkilo · Aug 5, 2010, 04:06 PM

I met a girl about a month or more ago. She is 25 and I'm 24. Went on our first date and it was the best date I ever had. Things just seemed to work. We had a short but decent exchange over text the next morning. Had a great time, that kind of stuff. I sent her a text at the end of the day about catching a movie in the next few days... Nothing back from her. Called her a few days later and she didn't answer. Left a voice mail, real cool and calm give me a call if you get a chance. Nothing.. So at this point I was confused. About 5 days later I sent her a text asking her how she's been assuming I wasn't going to hear anything back. She sends me a text back, "Hey, so you never called me." at this point I am a little confused by it.

I end up taking her to a get together at a friends house that goes decent but not fabulous because I was torn between making her comfortable around people she doesn't know and being not to clingy. Take her home and have a good coversation and a great kiss.

Same thing, send her a message and don't hear anything back for a few days. After a few days we talk and end up meeting for lunch that turns into a all day galavant on the downtown.. everything from great food to a bad movie.. lots of close time with her. Again best date ever and she asks me if I was her boyfriend. Drop her off and she tells me that she has the greatest time when she's with me. Great words to hear.

Next date back at the friends house for a double date that goes well. Drop her off with an Awesome kiss. She told me I gave her butterflys.

So she said she was going on a short vacation. I sent her a message here and there to make her smile.. Nothing that requires anything nor I do I get any communication back.

The part that I don't understand is that in the past when a girl has chosen not to pursue a relationship with me they generally do not call or answer their phone. She does this on a regular basis and it bugs the crap out of me.

Is this normal for females to do this? Is it a way to make us try harder? I have not had a whole lot of dating experience.

Wondergirl · Aug 5, 2010, 04:10 PM

Are you sure you are calling/texting to the right number?

atkilo · Aug 5, 2010, 04:20 PM

Yea, I'm sure.. I had to check myself :)

Wondergirl · Aug 5, 2010, 04:23 PM

Yet she says she has not received voice mails or texts from you?

Is her phone acting up?

atkilo · Aug 5, 2010, 04:36 PM

Well, to be honest I have not really talked to her about it more than once. When I'm with her its not a problem and I don't think about it. Prob should do that and I have figured on it but I just figured up to this time that it was a fluke of sorts.

Homegirl 50 · Aug 5, 2010, 04:45 PM

You probably ought to clear this up with her.
Don't start making assumptions getting all confused over something that all you need to do is double check her number with her.

atkilo · Aug 5, 2010, 04:53 PM

Well, I am sure the phone number is right. No doubts about that

Wondergirl · Aug 5, 2010, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by atkilo

Well, i am sure the phone number is right. No doubts bout that

The next time you are together, you must do a test for both of your phones. Call or text her while she is there with you to find out if her phone accepts your message.

lickemlolly · Aug 6, 2010, 02:52 AM

Yea don't make assumptions you only make yourself look like the first 3 letters of that word when you do.. it sounds like she is into you.. have you made it official with her?

atkilo · Aug 6, 2010, 08:03 AM

Yea I would say we have the last time we were together we talked about the exclusivity deal. So I haven't heard back from her.. What should I do. Go to her house? That's kind of creepy though she did leave something I could take back to her.

lickemlolly · Aug 6, 2010, 12:20 PM

Uh... no please don't do that... look stop beating around the bush with this chick and ask her what's up... all this wondering and waiting... just tell her plain n simple hey I text u all the time and you don't respond what's the deal? Are we in a relationship or not

artlady · Aug 6, 2010, 12:39 PM

If she has your number and your phone is working,I would think that perhaps she is having second thoughts.
Perhaps one last call (not text,I don't receive all of mine either)to see if she is interested and if not,I would let it go.

Sounds like she has sent you some mixed signals but some young women don't realize how their flirtatious behavior is read from the opposite sex.

It could be game playing but if she was truly interested she would realize that this type of game could very well backfire and you would lose all interest.

There is always the possibility that she just wants to date casually and only on her terms.
If you are looking for a commitment,this does not sound promising.

talaniman · Aug 7, 2010, 09:13 AM

I think she is enjoying getting to know you at her own pace and that's perfect. The problem is you're in a hurry to have more and her pace is to slow for you. I also think its way to soon for exclusive dating until you know more about each other, and you would do well to slow down with the texting, and rely more on phone calls, not just for dates, but conversations.

Much to early into this to get carried away by a few dates, or be discouraged by bad timing, or circumstances. Or high expectations without knowing more about who you are dealing with. Its important that you keep a healthy balance in your life with friends and activities that make you happy, so you have something to share with any one who is interested in what you are. That keeps you from being desperate and carried away, insecure and needy.

Be patient my friend, and enjoy dating without making it a drama that ruins a good time. What do you expect to just build something with her in a few weeks? Not going to happen.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

Take your time and do it right, and enjoy every minute. Relax, what's the hurry? She is giving you enough of a chance just make the most of it, as if she were NOT interested on some level, she wouldn't be bothered. Right?

She wants to go slow, go slow with her. That simple.

atkilo · Aug 7, 2010, 08:48 PM

I fully agree with everything you have said.. I am in no hurry to go anywhere fast... I really appreciate the different viewpoints on the subject because to be honest I have no idea.. I just do what comes natural which may or may not be the best sometimes... I have always been the anti dating rule sort of guy but a lot of them start to make sense as I make these mistakes.

positiveparent · Aug 10, 2010, 11:34 AM

Sounds to me like you're a stop gap date, as in when she has nothing better to do she knows good old mr I can pick him up if I want to, is always around.

Stop cliniging to a hope. I think she's just playing you when she's got nothing better to do, never be too readily available.