[positiveparent]

My Wonderful Husband died just under 2 days ago, Ive had members of my family die before, and seemed to cope fairly well,however with this I don't know what to do with myself, I feel lost alone, so sad, Ive got 3 Sons 1 aged 4 1 aged 13, I also have another older Son who has taken my boys to his house until tomorrow, that's when the funeral is. I feel numb and as if Im in a sort of nightmare, I don't want to see other people really, I know they're being kind and thoughtful, but I don't know what to say to them.

I never thought any pain could be so hard, I can't seem to be bothered to do anything, I don't even want my boys around me, and yet I know they need me, I thought I was stronger than I am, now though I feel like a jibbering wreck, I know there's no normal "grief" and its different for everyone, I just don't know what to do, I feel like a zombie or something, as if Im going through the motions. I don't know what Im asking really, I am hoping someone can tell me or help me or say that why Im like this is normal, or to be expected.

I can't sleep or eat, I don't want to take part in life. Everything seems to be happening so fast. I feel like shutting myself away I don't want to face the world, or anything. I keep thinking Ill wake up and find its all a bad dream, but its not.

The 13 yr old isn't my Son he was from my Husbands previous Marriage, will they take him away from me. His mother signed away her parental rights but could she try to get him back now? He calls me his Mum though and Ive had him since he was 6-7. I regard him as mine though.

[JudyKayTee]

Did you legally adopt the son?

The grief site you posted so recently should be helpful and a comfort to you. As you said then, there are five stages. You may or may not pass through all five.

Everyone is different - I was totally numb and waited for months for my husband to come home. Sounds stupid but that's how it was. I simply couldn't believe it - and I was there, holding his hand, when he died.

There is no normal or not normal - you go through what you go through and you do whatever (I found) gets you through the night, so to speak.

Hang in there - several of us have been in your shoes and it's been different for all of us.

It's good that you have such strong family support.

I found that dealing with the "legal" aspects (the Will, etc.) kept me busy but kept my loss fresh. If someone else could help you with that aspect it would be easier for you in the long run.

[positiveparent]

Thank You Judykaytee, I did adopt my Husbands Son.

I too am waiting for him to come home, I look for him listen for him, I feel Im in a bad dream.
Ive got the will to deal with too, although my Husbands solicitor is dealing with all that I believe, it will be read sometime next week.

I too held my husbands hand in the ambulance but apparently he had already gone, he had a massive heart attack, he was only 39. He thought he had indigestion or heart burn, and the next minute he grabbed his chest and was unconscious. It happened so fast.

[JudyKayTee]

A widow who lost her husband quickly will tell you that's the hardest part, the suddenness. Those of us who sat at bedsides and talked about his impending death and then watched him happen will tell you that's the hardest way to lose a spouse.

If you have adopted the boy, you are his mother and no one/nothing can change that.

In the US the Will is not read. The Executor/Executrix gets it, admits it to probate. No big, dramatic reading - thank goodness.

My husband, incidentally, had 3 major heart attacks - it's not like you see on TV (as you well know).

Again - I'm sorry, so very sorry.

[positiveparent]

Thank You Again.

Yes I know what you mean about nothing like on T.V. the ambulance men/paramedics had to wait until the machine told them it was OK to move him before he could be taken to the hospital.

[positiveparent]

OMG Im going to go crazy, the undertakers have just brought ( well about an hour ago) my husband back to the house he is to be here over night, and all I want to do is go and get him.

There's a person from undertakers who will be here until another one relieves him at midnight, but the caskets open at the head part and won't be secured until the morning. I can't face it.

I so desperately want to go get him out of it.

[JudyKayTee]

This is very different from the US and what I experienced.

I can't imagine.

[Kitkat22]

This is very different from the US and what I experienced.

I can't imagine.

It's really sad PP. Are people allowed to send flowers? I really am sorry.
How are the little boys? How are his parents? I hope you can get through this. You'll miss him and especially when or if you take the boys to San Tropez. It will probably do you good to get away although I know you will be thinking of him the whole time. I wish I had the words to tell you how I feel. I just don't know what to say.. . Thinking a lot about you... Kit

[Alty]

PP, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I can't imagine what you're going through, I'd be wreck, I don't know how you're doing it, you're a very strong person to be dealing with this, but still be able to come here, give advice to others.

Remember that this site is all about helping people. We're here to help you when and if you need it.

You and your children are in my thoughts.

[KBC]

This is really all I can offer as far as grief.

Coping with Grief and Loss: Support for Grieving and Bereavement

I know it seems little.I am not very good around loss like this.

I hope we can help you any way possible,you are such a giving soul,now it's time for us to give to you:)

[Aurora_Bell]

PP, I just want to extend my sincerest condolences to you. I can't imagine how you are feeling right now. Losing someone is never easy, and I am sure anything I could say would sound cliché. I just want you to know, you and your family are in my prayers.

[Stringer]

No one can tell you what to do or say my friend. All I could suggest is that you take one step at a time. I am sorry this happened it is shattering I know. Bless you.

Stringer

[positiveparent]

Having my Husband in the house over night turned out to be quite a big comfort, I stayed with him all night talking to him holding his hands, telling him Ill always love him and miss him, His casket was sealed at 8:30am, just after that we left for the funeral, it was quiet peaceful, numb, unreal, I feel Im in a film or something, and Im watching it all.

This afternoon I set 2 whites doves free, (well they go back to the owner) but the symbolism was for my husband to be at peace.

I still can't get my head around how it seems to have all happened so fast, he was here on tues 3rd, died on 4th its only 6th today and yet hes in the family crypt now forever. It seems so unreal like a bad dream.

Thank You all for the messages and condolences, Once the Wills been read ( next Weds) I think I might take my boys to disneyland or similar, it might help, I dont want to go to st tropez itll be full of memories of last year, I think I need to get used to it first then confront the memories.

For now I can only take it one day at a time. I guess itll sink in eventually. I know he wouldnt want me to sit around moping, or to be unhappy, he would want me to smile, he used to love my smile, and I his.

Its the fact it was all so fast I can't get my head around, how one minute someones here and the next theyre gone. It given me a different outlook, Im going to make the best of my boys, and love them to death. So when I eventually go theyll have a mountain of happy memories.

Ive got that too but I can't face them just yet.

Again Thank You

[eveamee09]

Dear Marianne, I am so so sorry to hear this news, I have just sent you an email but wish to say again that if you need anybody to talk to at any time then I will always be here for you, as I'm sure will the people on this site.

I am amazed and inspired by your strength and I believe that you are a strong woman and will be there for your boys. Warmest hugs and sympathies, thinking of you. Katie

[positiveparent]

Dear Marianne, I am so so sorry to hear this news, I have just sent you an email but wish to say again that if you need anybody to talk to at any time then I will always be here for you, as I'm sure will the people on this site.

I am amazed and inspired by your strength and I believe that you are a strong woman and will be there for your boys. Warmest hugs and sympathies, thinking of you. Katie

Hi Katie Thank You for this message and the email, Im so pleased to hear from you. I lost Andrew on 4th weds, he was buried in family crypt on friday 6th August. Ill email you. Thanks Marianne

Im not strong its all an act a front, to mask the real me whose a wreck.

[Alty]

Hi PP,

Are the boys back with you now, or are they still with your older son? How are they handling things? Are they okay?

I can't imagine what you're going through, I know I'd be a wreck, emotionally and physically. Being with your boys should bring you strength right now, being with family helps. The motherly instinct to push aside our feelings, care for our children, can get us through a lot of hardships.

I'm still amazed at your strength. I know I wouldn't be in the mood to come online, answer other people's questions. I would be too absorbed in my grief to do that. You are a very strong person. That strength will see you through.

[JudyKayTee]

She's very strong - even joking to keep everyone else's spirits up. Everyone is different and I'm sure you remember what it was like for me. I think the suggestion to go to Disneyland is a good one - the kids will have a great time, it will get their minds off their grief.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...nd-496136.html

[positiveparent]

Hi Alty, and Judy, by coming here it has been taking my mind off things mostly, my Boys are at the 13 yr olds grandparents until tomorrow, they were here though until yesterday.

Ive wanted to be alone mostly, to be honest I don't think its sunk in, my husbands body was here overnight on Thursday, and myself and the boys stayed with it all night, the funeral was Friday, I seem to be having trouble getting my head around the fact he was here on 3rd, died on 4th, and by the 6th he was in the crypt forever, it just seems it was all too fast. I don't understand how its possible.

Im dreadfully unhappy, and I don't know what Im supposed to do, So I think Im not accepting it or something, I don't know.

The boys will be back here tomorrow, but the beginning of September Adrian the 13 yr old goes back to school, he's a boarder, and the 4 yr old starts infants school, this house is way to big, I just don't know what's what. I want him back, I feel lost alone, and that's it is so unfair. Why?

[Kitkat22]

She's very strong - even joking to keep everyone else's spirits up. Everyone is different and I'm sure you remember what it was like for me. I think the suggestion to go to Disneyland is a good one - the kids will have a great time, it will get their minds off their grief.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-...nd-496136.html

Wish I had her strength. I fall apart when one of the kids come home for a day or two and leave. You all know how emotional I can get. When my husband went to different places on his job.. I felt so sad without him and geeze he was only gone for a week , sometimes less. I'm not a strong person.when it comes to losing someone through death.if I were in pp place I would be in the hospital. Pp you keep it up. :)

[positiveparent]

Im not strong though I don't know what's what or if this is real a dream or what, I want this to be over and to wake up. I don't understaned how it happened so fast, he was here a week ago, now he's gone forever.