[JoeJ4684]

Warning, Very Long Story/Question, Be Prepared To Read

To begin, this incident started 3 months ago, my fiancée and myself were going through a rocky stretch in our relationship. After being engaged for 7 months and living together for 3 years we had to move out into separate apartments (long story short my fiancée got a new job in Philadelphia, while my job remained in New York City).

Now, while we had our problems, I assumed everything was fine, feeling that every relationship had that hell period and I took it as stress she was experiencing (having to live apart as well as training for the new job). While living apart we continued to see each other on the weekends or when we could and everything was normal (kissing, spooning, making love etc.. ) nothing out of the ordinary.

About 7 weeks ago I was informed that she was leaving on vacation to India for 3 weeks (she had a 3 week paid gap between the end of training and her first day of work) in order to "get away." Now while I was a bit jealous of her going on vacation without me (the first time in 5 years of the relationship) I took it as you could use the vacation especially with all the stress between training, moving, the new job and going for her masters (plus the fact my job wouldn't give me 3 weeks off to save my life). So I was OK with it, until about a week later when I was asked to print out her flight ticket for India. I found numerous, numerous e-mails dating back 3 months between her and another guy in India.

Not hey how are you e-mails, but very racy (NC-17 like) which included places they were going what they were doing when they got there as well as specific times and dates. When I approached her about the e-mails I got my head bit off. Everything from how dare you invade my privacy to you broke my trust to it's none of your business. Now, granted, was it? Yes. But, any other other person, whether it be male or female, who found these e-mails, would have done the same thing. Continuing on, for the next two weeks there was little communication between us she rarely answered texts, rarely answered calls, and even when she did it was the usual one word "Hey" or "What" (Unlike before where it was "hey babe", or "I love you" or "I miss you").

I continue to press the e-mails on her feeling I believed it was owned to me after being together for 5 years, however I made no progress. I got numerous responses about the e-mails (to name a few "I don't know what your talking about", "I was just mad at you", "I am already engaged to him", "My parents set up the engagement I have to follow them" and even, I don't make this up, "I'm dying soon and need to live my life"). Being fed up with the contiunous lies, stories and half answers I immmediately stopped talking to her.

After not talking to her for 2 weeks I went to hang out with friends the Friday before she was suppose to leave, I feel I deserved it. After she found out, I was immediately chewed about by her saying how dare I and that she was pissed and we were done/over. I immediately responded "FINE!" "IT'S DONE!" go to India "Do You" and when you come back will settle the finances (we are both signers and co-signers on both of our car loans, we share a bank account/credit cards as well as our cell phone). Being angry that she ruined the first good night out I've had in weeks since this began, I immediately washed my hands of her.

After finally being done with her and my head cleared of her I woke up the next morning to her at my apartment crying and apologizing. Clearly confused, I invited her in only to get a 100 million sorries from her, sorry for all the stuff she has put me through, sorry for doing stuff behind my back etc. We talked and hung out for the rest of the day (even making love that night). She woke up the next morning (the day she was set to leave) and I accompanied her by train to the airport. While at the airport she apologized even more and said the man in India was no longer an issue and she was going there as my Fiancée and no one else's. She continued with the sorries and the I love yous and I even remained at the airport till her flight left.

Here's where it begins, now while the first week she called me, texted me, sent me e-mails almost every hour (Love You, Miss You, Wish You Were Here, stuff she hasn't said in a while). The 2nd/3rd week the calls, texts and e-mails have seem to stopped. She has very little communication with me and has reverted back to her one word answers of "Hey" and "What." When I brought up Marriage she immediately brought up that I need be "Ok with whatever decision she makes." Now, my question is what is going on with her? Has she completely lost her mind? Did she go to India and decide to play? Should I comfront her when she comes back? Should I try to make this work or just turn the other cheek and walk away from this headache?

[Wondergirl]

You are both Indian? If she is, are her parents still living there and want her to be in an arranged marriage?

[reckless]

Okay. Let me be honest. She's probably with that guy in india. You know it too.

She was ready to break up with you until you showed her you didn't really give a damn. Now is not the time to start caring. Don't go over "what if's?" it's over. Don't give her any second chances. She doesn't deserve them.

[lickemlolly]

sigh... alright... I really don't like assuming things... however it seems she has already lied to you about this guy... it seems pretty clear that she has been unhonest and unfaithful... and what kind of answer is you need to be happy with whatever choice I make... sounds like her attention is distracted... you need to ask yourself is this what you really want to do? Who knows what's going on right now. But I do agree with reckless and she is probably with that guy in india... what it sounds like is that she wants her cake only to eat it too... and you are empowering her to do it. First because you took her back even after you had the proof in your hands... do not ALLOW her to justify what she did... no one DESERVES to be cheated on.. and you did NOT skulk around sending some random woman email making secret plans to meet her did you? NO! Personally I would walk away from this... but no one can tell you what to do in matters of the heart and you will only walk away when your heart tells you that you have had enough... hope you make the decision that is best for you and stop trying to justify what she did...

[Romefalls19]

She's over there with another guy, there is no denying that. She saw she was losing you, shed a few croc tears and had you tripping over her again. I bet if you text her and say "this is done. I can't take it anymore" you will get a phone call almost immediately with her pleading and crying again. It's a mental battlefield she has you on, do not go to war with her.

[JoeJ4684]

Yeah I know she's with that guy I would probably be the biggest moron if I didn't believe that. However, my thing is that I would like to get the truth from her. You want to be this guy fine, No problem, just tell me. I think the biggest thing that gets me pissed is that my pet peeve is people who sneek around. I've always been an up front guy and I hate to be given the run around. Apart of me believes she was going to India to mess around, keep it a secret from (since the wedding was set for December) and do what she wanted (sort of like he own bachelorette party). Sort of hump the problems away or one last hoorah. Then I came and threw a wrench in the works when I found out. What's weird is that she controls the finances and I feel if she wanted to ***** me, she could have stop paying my bills or even had my cell phone shut off (since she is the primary person on the cell phone), which never really happened. As dumb and as corny as it sounds a small part of me wants to try make this work, but again just sort of stuck on the fence. I think another problem is that I'm really going to never know what really happened in India and I think if I end up do working things out it will always haunt me. But I think most you guys are right I had the answer right 2 1/2 weeks ago and should have just washed my hands of her.

[talaniman]

When I approached her about the e-mails I got my head bit off.

This is where your decision should have been made and all the talking done.

Just me, we would never have progressed beyond this point unless she were willing to change her vacation plans, or I would have disappeared from her life, permanently.

But that just me.

[JoeJ4684]

Update on my status...

Turns out after much investigating (through friends I have that are very computer savy), she was set to marry this new man in India in November (a month before our wedding in December). She had planned a "fake" business trip in November to Alabama and was going to India instead for the marriage. It also turns out she had an eharmony account and was going on blind dates while she was living in Philadelphia (on off nights when I didn't see her). I officially broke it off with her when she returned when learning of this information. As karma would have it (and turning around for me) the wedding never took place and he broke it off after he found out she was sleeping with me and going on blind dates in her spare, par-diem, time. She immediately begged (and has been still) to get back with me. I have since found a new girl and I am more than happy with her. I thank all of you for the advice and wish anyone who is having the same problem with a girl the best of luck. I know it's hard to hear at first but they're always more fish in the sea and I am living proof.

[amicon]

Good for you!

Enjoy your life.