[Kitten]

Hello,

I am in love with a man who claims that the highest expression of love is a sort of spiritual meshing. Hmmm... how do I explain that better? My boyfriend is very much into spirituality. He has told me that in the past that he was able to leave his body and meld with two of his past girlfriends. This melding he considers the highest and most desirable part of a relationship. Yet, and here is the crux of the matter, he cannot meld with me. He seems to believe that this is because I am immature spiritually--well, he would not put it in that way, but that is essentially what he says. I am not, he says, on the same spiritual level as him.

I love this man very much. He says he loves me too. When we are not waxing philosophical about spirituality (we have very different ideas about it all) we are good together. I have a deep respect for him--he is incredibly intelligent and insightful. Yet, I also know that he does not respect me in the same way. He is significantly older than me and feels he is "helping" me to grow up. He has taken on the teacher role and I am the student. (Such is the pattern of all my relationships. I like strong idealistic men and present myself as a sort of neophite.) But, frankly, I honestly do not think he is more spiritually mature than me!

Okay, the advice I would like is on this... I am skeptical that such a melding is possible--do other people claim to do such things? And, secondly, these two previous women that he says he melded with kicked him to the curb. They left him. He says one gave him an ultimatum he was unable to live with, and the other just shut him out of her life. I am jealous of them both! :( They did not love him enough to want to stay with him long-term, so why were they able to do this damn melding thing he touts? I feel inadequate about this. Either way you look at it, I am spiritually immature on one hand, or do not love him enough on the other. I feel like a man suffering from impotence. Any suggestions?

[speedball1]

Hi kitten, Your guy sounds like a cross between Spock and Peter Popoff. With him taking the high road while you're still on the low one. It sounds like he's more into control then love. My mother had a saying about "iffy" situations. "If our honeymoon is this rocky, what's our marrage going to be like?" When two people are in love, they can get incredibly close. But a "mind meld"? Nah! Happens only on Star-Trac and then only if you're Vulcan. My advice? Back off and look your situation over. You can do better. Good luck and God Bless. Tom

[dwalex]

I'm going to have to go with speedy on this one. If you are comftorable with your spiritual life, who is he to judge you. For a healthy relationship to develop, he needs to accept you for who you are, and he is not. And besides if others are throwing him to the curb, he can't be that great. You need to leave relationships alone, get your life headed in the right dirrection and be comtorable with your total package and then enter relationships as equal with your potential partner. Leave the teacher in the classroom.

Best wishes,
Dwalex

[Kitten]

Thanks y'all for your advice. Having reread my post I can see what you are talking about. ;D

I am doing some serious evaluation. Thanks again

[chaz1797]

You know this man is more mature, but I believe that he is looking to train you more then for you to be his equal, you have your beliefs and he ha shis, compromise in just respecting each others views and reevaluate if this is where you want to be... goood luck and god bless

Chaz :)