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    mogrann's Avatar
    mogrann Posts: 860, Reputation: 193
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    #1

    Aug 2, 2010, 11:02 AM
    Advice wanted re depression
    I am currently feeling like ummm blah I guess. I want to be alone with only the internet and my games on it. I don't want to talk to people in RL or even be in the same room with anyone

    I have even started pondering the meaning of life and why we live. It is starting to make sense to me that we need to embrace death instead of trying to run from it. I have also been considering SI'ing and just not stopping.

    My question is this by me asking for help before I do anything (again) does that mean I am not surious? I mean if I was I would just do it without telling anyone. I know my options which are go to ER or call the crisis line. Does it mean if I do that that I just want attention and am not serious. I will say deep deep down that I think I need IP but am also scared that I will be told that I don't need it.

    Guess I just need to be told it is all right to call for help before I do anything and that it does not mean I am looking for attention. If that is true that is

    Just address me as useless
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #2

    Aug 2, 2010, 11:51 AM

    Morgann, if a person is depressed to the point of wanting to end their life, the sane thing to do is ask for help. It does not mean you just want attention.

    Depression changes the chemistry in the brain and causes you to think differently than you normally do. And do things you wouldn't normally do.

    This is a very serious situation and you should call for help now.
    You know who to call so please do it. Call the crisis line in your area now.

    I'll keep this short so you can call. please do it.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #3

    Aug 2, 2010, 12:09 PM

    I keep losing my internet connection , and can't watch very closely for an answer.

    But will keep checking. Did you call?
    mogrann's Avatar
    mogrann Posts: 860, Reputation: 193
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    #4

    Aug 2, 2010, 12:31 PM

    I called and someone is coming from the mobile response team tomorrow am to see me. I am unsure of what they do as have never seen them afore
    Enigma1999's Avatar
    Enigma1999 Posts: 2,223, Reputation: 1077
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    #5

    Aug 2, 2010, 12:40 PM

    Hello Mogrann,

    I am glad that you contacted them...

    That is the first step. There is no shame in getting the help that you need.

    Stay strong! I wish you luck!
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
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    #6

    Aug 2, 2010, 12:54 PM
    No.

    If all you WANTED was attention you would run the streets naked.

    You know inside that you NEED help,not some band-aid fix(if you knew that,you would find a way to get a temporary fix,be it street drugs,drinking,sex,etc.)but no,you are in the frame of mind that want's you to continue down the road of chaos.

    Hmm? Sound like I've been there you say?

    I can't count the times I have been inpatient,how many times I have tried to commit the deed,how many times,when I finally got my head on straight,thought ,wow,I really needed that.

    It has been more than a year since I last had to go inpatient,not bragging(ok a little),but seriously,I finally got the doctor I could work with,medications that seem to be doing well,I still have my days,weeks,etc.. there are always going to be those bumps in the road, but IF you try(not so much now,but when things come around for you) to get the doctors and medications YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH! I am a believer in the things that have put stability in my life.

    I hope you write back on here, perhaps even call a SP helpline,but here would allow me and others to remember what it was like,how we dealt with it,what it's like today.

    Seriously,

    KBC
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #7

    Aug 2, 2010, 02:08 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by mogrann View Post
    I called and someone is coming from the mobile response team tomorrow am to see me. i am unsure of what they do as have never seen them afore
    I am happy to hear that!

    I tried to keep right here until I heard from you, but I have been losing the signal from my router that is right now where I can't get to it.

    So I have been running around outside with my laptop looking for signal.

    But now I see you called I will go back in. It's starting to rain.

    Good job making the call!
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #8

    Aug 2, 2010, 02:41 PM

    Ok I'm back inside but staying online is still difficult so in an abridged post.
    Let us know how you're doing with updates. Or if you just want to talk that would be great. Someone is always here and I will be glad to hear from you.
    I'm going to see if one of my other PC's is doing better than this one. It's taking too long to get anything done.

    Stay in touch Good luck
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    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #9

    Aug 3, 2010, 12:54 AM

    mogrann if you can a morning update would be good
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
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    #10

    Aug 3, 2010, 01:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by martinizing2 View Post
    mogrann if you can a morning update would be good
    Perhaps sleep has given him some respite from the depression.. one can only hope!
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #11

    Aug 3, 2010, 01:59 AM

    For sure.

    A little hijack here. When I first saw you Avatar is was on the Tool cd. It had 3d glasses that came with it.
    Have you seen the 3D version?
    KBC's Avatar
    KBC Posts: 2,550, Reputation: 487
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    #12

    Aug 3, 2010, 03:08 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by martinizing2 View Post
    For sure.

    A little hijack here. When I first saw you Avatar is was on the Tool cd. It had 3d glasses that came with it.
    Have you seen the 3D version?
    Nope,I fell for it without the psychedelic effects... :p, Now you have me wondering if I should look:rolleyes:
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #13

    Aug 3, 2010, 04:30 AM

    Without a doubt! The CD is worth the price for the 3D artwork. ;)Several pieces , all incredible:eek:
    Tool 10,000 days
    mogrann's Avatar
    mogrann Posts: 860, Reputation: 193
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    #14

    Aug 3, 2010, 09:31 AM

    I have just woke up and they will be here in an hour. Still anxious and worrying about what will be done or talked about. I am getting so tired of fighting depression and bpd. I mean I am a 44 year old woman who has had it since being a teen you would think I would have it figured out and the meds would keep me balanced.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #15

    Aug 3, 2010, 11:25 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by mogrann View Post
    i have just woke up and they will be here in an hour. still anxious and worrying about what will be done or talked about. i am getting so tired of fighting depression and bpd. i mean i am a 44 year old woman who has had it since being a teen you would think i would have it figured out and the meds would keep me balanced.
    You will get it. We all lose track at times but the consequences may not be as serious as when we don't follow our Doctors orders.

    The fight may be tiring at times but for heavens sake don't stop.

    Try not to be too anxious, these are professional people who have chosen to do what they do because they care about others.


    Please keep us updated. I wish you well and look forward to hearing from you.
    mogrann's Avatar
    mogrann Posts: 860, Reputation: 193
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    #16

    Aug 3, 2010, 01:55 PM

    They have come and gone. We talked about lots of stuff. They only thing I think they did not understand or hear me talk about is how hard it is to go for job interviews when you don't want to be around people. They just kept saying just go for them etc and that I am rehireable in my profession--- cooking/ catering

    I do have a taxi chit in case I need to go to hospital tonight after hubby goes to work. I thought that was nice of them. Also they would like me to mention to my counsellor that I have lost my job and can not afford the cost. They work on sliding scale and apparently it can go as low as $5, which is doable

    Right now taking it one day at a time. I did go out with hubby this afternoon to get my new glasses and that is something good IMO.
    martinizing2's Avatar
    martinizing2 Posts: 1,868, Reputation: 819
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    #17

    Aug 3, 2010, 02:35 PM

    It sounds like good talk and they have given you some useful information.

    Everyone is having a hard time finding a job right now. It will get better.
    Interviews are hard, but when you get one , let us know and we will help all we can.

    It will be helpful to get reduced cost for counselling , and he may be able to help with finding a job by referring you to local programs.

    Taking a day at a time works well because we only have today to work with.
    A little improvement every day builds up to a lot when you keep at it.

    This is good news. Good ideas and today is improved a little.
    You have already made progress. This is a great start.

    I wish you well , keep in touch.
    mogrann's Avatar
    mogrann Posts: 860, Reputation: 193
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    #18

    Aug 4, 2010, 03:37 PM

    Well I did wake up at the time I had planned for my exit from the world, but decided to wait and see if things improve.
    Today I went and dropped off the rest of my paperwork for Unemployment and also took my puppy Owen for a walk. Not sure what I feel today.
    Tomorrow I have to call the clinic re getting an appointment at a cheaper rate. Just wanted to update you all on how I was doing
    QLP's Avatar
    QLP Posts: 980, Reputation: 656
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    #19

    Aug 4, 2010, 03:46 PM

    Try and keep up with the walking. If you stick to it regularly it might start to help.

    Keep taking it a day at a time. Hell take it five minutes at a time if you need to.

    Hang on in there and make sure you make that call tomorrow. We are here for you.
    mogrann's Avatar
    mogrann Posts: 860, Reputation: 193
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    #20

    Aug 5, 2010, 10:36 AM

    So far today I have finished the paper work for human rights as I believe as does my niece and hubby that I was fired due to my depression. When hubby gets up we will deliver it.
    I will call the counsellor this afternoon. Seems like I am starting to feel a bit less overwhelmed and not as down in the deep black pit of despair.

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