[gerrygarza61]

Will I ever get to meet a grandchild I was never able to be a part of?
Our son got married against our wishes... his wife has never liked us.. never tried to get to know us...
I have tried many times to get back together with my son.. but he wants nothing to do with us... they have been married 5 years now the first year they got married things seemed to be okay... I got upset with him one time on the phone and things have never been the same...
He lives with the in-laws.. and a year ago we found out that we were grandparents.. only because I saw my so call daughter in-law at the mall holding the baby.. they never told us they were expecting...
I'm tired of always going and looking for my son and getting the cold shoulder from him.. will I ever see my son again?
Can't stop thinking about him and missing him...
I'm so depressed... I have no one to talk to... I'm not close to anyone in my family.this is why I'm reaching out this way.. my husband just tells me to pretend your son is dead.. and get on with life...
This is not possible.. can anyone give me an answer to what I can do to get my son back...

[dwalex]

You must put aside your past issues and resentments and somehow let him know that you are supportive of him in the life he is pursuing. I cannot say much more as you did not give much to go on.
Best wishes,
Dwalex

[brightblue]

Your son has issues he needs time to deal with... he may or may not come around... in the mean time you are losing special time with your grandson. Parents who decide to keep "their children" away from spouses and grandparents are truly mean spirited in my opinion. It is unfair to the child and they will grow up to resent that... big time. You may think about this... Most all states have grandparental rights... go to the friend of the court and apply for them... you are entitled to visitation... whether your children like it or not.

[chaz1797]

First of all your husband needs to change his attitude and if wants no part of your son's life that is his problem don't give up, blood is thicker than water and you have to know your son loves you, but he's hurt and maybe you need too take the first step in talkinng to him and letting him know you made a mistake and you want to make things better and that you want to be part of his life, grandpa will come around once he sees that grandchild... A mothers love is never forgotten... and your children always need you no matter what, they just sometimes find it hard to accept it and act on it.. Good luck and God bless :)

[schuylervj]

Don't ever let pride or delicacy stand in the way of your family... write to him and tell him you are still there whenever he wants to talk and that you would love to meet your grandchild. Do not mention or criticize his wife, but continue to keep in touch with him, and he will respond eventually... don't give up!

[Grace53]

After I divorced my husband, my oldest son gradually became distant from me, dabbled with weed and decided he'd rather move out and live with friends. He never kept in touch, it was always me who phoned him and I felt like an intruder in his life. I was rarely visited by him yet he remained close to his father, whom he had previously not got on with when we were married. One day, my son turned up with a 2 year old child and introduced me to my grandson. I was so shocked. Everyone knew except me. My own grandchild and I hadn't even been told by my son, my ex or my youngest son. I was getting over the shock not only of having a grandson, but of being totally excluded from his life, when my son did the same thing again. This time he married and left the country with his wife before the child was born. I was never invited to visit them and had to endure my ex husband showing me photographs of 'his' grandchildren playing together. My son even visited the UK with his son but totally ignored me. His marriage ended in divorce and his wife returned to UK with child number 2. My son was married again within 18 months and now has 2 children to his second wife. I also discovered that because I dreamed about my son and went to see my ex to ask if anything was wrong. My son was there at his father's house and I was then told that I had another grandson aged 18 months and another was on the way. I have no doubt at all that had I not had that dream and turned up at my ex husbands home that day, I would not have discovered my other granchildren. At that time, my son asked me if I would like to attend his wedding to his second wife and I politely refused, having attended his first wedding and been told who to speak to, what to say, how to behave. My heart has been broken 4 times over by my son. I have done nothing to deserve this at all, other than to disapprove of my son smoking weed. I have contact with my oldest grandson who my son introduced me to at 2 years of age, but I've not met the other 3. And there is only so much abuse my heart can take. Like you I tried everything to keep in touch with my son, also I didn't badmouth his father after my divorce, in fact I covered up a lot to protect my children. Yet I'm ignored while the father who had no time for him is admired and revered. I have cried until I thought my heart couldn't break any more and beyond, and I finally stopped 2 years ago when my son told me about the 3rd grandson being born 18 months previously. Sorry to burst the 'unconditional love bubble' but at that moment I stopped loving my son and saw him for the spiteful, bitter, uncaring person he is. If I had been a mother who kicked my children out in the street to fend for themselves, or had been abusive, alcoholic, drug dependent etc I'd understand the rejection. But I did nothing but take care of my children, work hard at home and at my employment so that we had a good standard of living and they were wanted and nurtured children. Maybe I was too good to them. Perhaps I should have been unkind and nasty like their father and maybe they'd have 'respect' for me. But it's not in my nature. However, I've found strengths I didn't think I had. And it took great strength for me to show my son that I too can turn my back, I too can ignore. And I too can move on and get on with my life and stop caring about what he does with his. I have news for my son. Just as he considers himself to be 'a person' and not my 'son' - I am also a person and not simply his 'mother'. It was actually my oldest grandson who is now 11 years of age who said to me "Nan, if I were you, I wouldn't forgive my Dad for keeping us away from you. He was very wrong to do that to you - and to us. And when I'm older I'll make sure my brothers all know who you are." And I know he will do that.