[valinors_sorrow]

Well... he knows that he has OCD.. and he accepts that... He no way in hell thinks that he's bipolar.... Even the first time he was diagnosed with it before I met him... He once told me that people label bipolar people as "crazy".. and that he wasn't "crazy"... He honestly does not think there is anything wrong with him... So, with that, I don't think that he's using his illness as excuses... he just thinks he's normal.

NJCutie... you aren't thinking clearly. Truly if he was sincere about getting well... would he not listen to his doctors and taken his OCD meds as prescribed? Would he be denouncing the doctor's diagnosis about bipolar? Wouldn't he be pursuing everything possible? Is he so sick he is incapable of comparing his life with another's and therefore figuring out there is something wrong? You are really at a loss here to see where the line is because you just can't relate to someone being that ill. That is understandable. BUT you are refuting the view of someone who has been that ill or worse, which sounds a little crazy too, doesn't it? The bottom line is--- his crazy is what it is and you would have HAD to accept it entirely in order to go along for the ride, which if you'd done that one of two things would happen: made you as sick as he or made it necessary for you to leave. Guaranteed.

And here is a measure of how crazy it was with you both: OCD is considered far more "crazy" than bipolar and yet he managed to get you to believe that was a legitimate thing to believe! See -- any excuse will do when you don't know how it works. I don't know how many ways I can repackage this for you but he really is just too sick to have a relationship with and you'll have to accept that or be crazy yourself. I can't tell you anything more. I suggest you accept it.

[NJCUTIE77]

He was diagnosed with OCD when he was young and in college. He took the meds, but not consistently. He never had a committed psychiatrist... He has been through several. He is very good at "acting" sort to say. He has been hospitalized like I have said earlier.. he takes the drugs to "please" the doctors and nurses.. and knows how to be on "good behavior" so he gets released. Once he is released, he stops taking the drugs because he doesn't feel there is anything really wrong with him... He thinks that there is something wrong with everyone else thinking there is something wrong with him... He has done this both times he has been hospitalized. He doesn't go to therapy and only sees his psych when he needs to.. which is like once every two months.. and she just monitors the meds... nothing more.. She wanted him to go to therapy and he doesn't... he doesn't think he needs to... I have repeatedly told him that I would help him and be there for him and that cognitive therapy is a good thing... but he will just OK me to death and not do it... So, he doesn't want to help himself because he thinks he's fine... He also doesn't exercize, doesn't eat right, and drinks on his meds. He is not consistent with taking the lithium... and he mostly just takes it to "please" his parents pretty much... No one in his family discusses with him how important it is that he goes to therapy or takes the drugs... does this explain a little better... And yes, he denounces the doctors saying he is bipolar... at the time they last told him he was depressed so he would have done anything to not feel that way.. and it's as soon as he gets up from being depressed where he says, "there is nothing wrong with me".

[Geoffersonairplane]

Would this sometimes make the person that broke it off with you realize what he had??? Does it take that to realize???

Sorry, I know Val and Tal are giving you some great advice.

I just wanted to reiterate that I think you are an incredible person to have stood by this man. It must have been hard for you and you have obviously been very supportive. There are not many people like that. It takes courage and real compassion which I think you most definitely have..

If what you say above in this quote realtes to this guy which I believe it does, I think he will most definitely realize what he had... for sure..

[talaniman]

My response to post#22

And so, if I may ask, what are you going to due about his problem? You've explained it 3 times now. Okay he doesn't know what he's doing we get that. That's not the issue at all. The issue is What are you going to do? Are you going to continue this dance behind your ex's issues? Analyze how his illness is making him make bad choices as you see it? Don't you see how in deny that he doesn't want your help, so there is nothing more to do or say about him, the whole thing comes back to you and what YOU do? Why do you keep making him the topic when he has nothing to do with this conversation at all. AGAIN, What are you going to do?

[NJCUTIE77]

First of all... Thanks Geoff... your comment made me feel good more so then everyone picking apart on me here...
But tal... I keep bringing him up because that is my problem right now.. This whole issue has pretty much destroyed me... And what I'm trying to do about it is make myself stronger.. but it takes time.. THIS JUST Happened so right now I'm having a hard time to think on being stronger because I still love him and am very hurt... I am also one that needs closure.. and this was left with none... I still have to talk to him again... he asked for a month... well I'm giving it to him... so everything is in the open.. kind of hard to just move on like that... especially after this just happened... u know.

[valinors_sorrow]

At the risk of this becoming like the blue threads (which was the painful repeating of the same questions over and over) I am not going to repeat any answers to the questions I have already answered with you, NJCutie. I have only concern for you. And please don't get me wrong - I wish much healing for you too. But you already have my full and truthful take on what happened to your relationship and what is necessary for you to do in order to heal from it. As long as you are deflecting help with all the "yeah buts" there isn't a lot that can be done. It is all I can do to remain constructive in light of that, so I am unsubscrbing to this thread now. Best of luck to you.

[talaniman]

First of all... Thanks Geoff... your comment made me feel good more so then everyone picking apart on me here...

Don't be so sensitive, Val told you exactly right and you needed to know how it looks from someone who's been there. If she didn't care ,trust me she would have said nothing.

I keep bringing him up because that is my problem right now.. This whole issue has pretty much destroyed me... And what I'm trying to do about it is make myself stronger.. but it takes time.. THIS JUST Happened so right now I'm having a hard time to think on being stronger because I still love him and am very hurt... I am also one that needs closure.. and this was left with none... I still have to talk to him again... he asked for a month... well I'm giving it to him... so everything is in the open.. kind of hard to just move on like that... especially after this just happened... u know.

Where did the month come in? I thought he had moved on, and was living with a younger female, my bad, I missed that. Regardless putting the ball in his court to make a decision, about your future, is not wise at all, and I don't have to tell you that you need a decision about you before then, and consider this also, he nearly destroyed you before, your hurt now and do you think you will be healthier in a month? Not realistic.

[NJCUTIE77]

Maybe you have me confused with someone else..

[talaniman]

Maybe you have me confused with someone else..... ?

My mistake, sorry have to remind myself to clean my glasses. Still stands though that this should be your decision, not his. You know reality better than he does.