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    rojeni's Avatar
    rojeni Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 15, 2006, 12:27 PM
    My 14 Year-Old Daughter is 5 Months Pregnant
    Of course my heart is broken, however, I love my daughter more than words can express and she is pregnant. My daughter is 14 and her boyfriend is 16. I'm not interested in pursing action regarding the age of the boy, but is it illegal for a 16 Year-Old boy to have sex with a 14 Year-Old girl? This question is only for my peace of mind.

    Although I do not approve of the actions, I unconditionally love and support my daughter. I also love her boyfriend whom would like to stay in the baby's life.

    Sadly, the boyfriend's mother is already starting trouble. At first she attempted to force my daughter to terminate the pregnancy at 22 weeks, and now she is trying to win custody of the unborn baby. She is an alcoholic.

    My daughter and I have decided to not include the father's name on the birth certificate when the baby is born although we strongly desire to include the father in the baby's life as much as possible. We are not looking for financial support, only his love for the child.

    My questions are as follows:
    1. If the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    2. Will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    3. Should my daughter and I consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    4. Is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, I wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.

    Thank you very much!
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #2

    Dec 15, 2006, 01:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    Is it illegal for a 16 year old boy to have sex with a 14 year old girl?......
    My questions are as follows:

    1. If the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    2. Will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    3. Should my daughter and I consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    4. Is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, I wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.

    Thank you very much!
    Hello roj:

    Your first question. Yes. In no state in this country is it legal to have sex with a 14 year old girl.

    1). His rights are the same whether you put him on the birth certificate or not. I know that you don't want financial support, but the support isn't for you. It's for the baby. At a minimum, let's say $100/month. Over the next 20 years, that's a lot of money. Can you afford to give away over $20,000? I can't, and your baby oughtn't.

    His visitation rights are totally separate from child support. He can be held to account whether his name is or isn't on the birth certificate.

    2) Grandparents have NO rights whatsoever!

    3) No. The baby will automatically BE in your daughter's custody. That won't change until and/or if there is a court order to the contrary. That isn't likely. You should pursue court ordered child support, and at the same time, the court will order liberal visitation. Of course, you can let him visit more.

    4) Go read number #2 again!

    excon
    excon's Avatar
    excon Posts: 21,482, Reputation: 2992
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    #3

    Dec 15, 2006, 04:28 PM
    Comments on this post
    Depressed in MO disagrees: In some states, a child of age 14 can determine if they are ready to have sex or not. It just depends on how old the other party is to determine if it is considered illegal. (for ex: stat. rape)
    __________________

    Hello Depressed:

    I strongly disagree. The age of the rapist is NOT the determinate factor in statutory rape. The age of the victim is. In this country, we don't let children determine any age of consent. We don't let them decide when to drink. We don't let them decide when to drive, and we don't let them decide when to have sex. Adults make those legal determinations.

    I say again, there is NO state in this country where having sex with a 14 year old is legal.

    excon
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #4

    Dec 15, 2006, 07:04 PM
    "2) Grandparents have NO rights whatsoever!"

    I know you are talking about in the US. But is that the case under any circumstances? Or are there certain cases where they do have rights.
    (I'm in UK, and just curious)
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,267, Reputation: 5643
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    #5

    Dec 15, 2006, 07:07 PM
    Here in the states many grandparents are going to court for "grandparents rights" and winning.
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #6

    Dec 15, 2006, 07:21 PM
    "Here in the states many grandparents are going to court for "grandparents rights" and winning."

    Same here in UK. So many petitions and protests, and web sites shouting for grandparents rights. I have to admit I never noticed it until my own grandson came to stay with me.
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
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    #7

    Dec 15, 2006, 09:10 PM
    What makes you think she is even from the USA?

    Maybe she is, maybe she isn't.

    If you are from Canada, the age of consent is 14.

    Meaning that there was no statutory rape.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
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    #8

    Dec 17, 2006, 02:34 PM
    In most states it would not be illegal for a 16-year-old to have sex with a 14-year-old. Usually there has to be more than a 2-year age difference for it to be considered statutory rape or sexual assault. If you do not include his name on the birth certificate then he has no legal paternal rights and you cannot take any action against him for child support. You can certainly choose to include him in the baby's life whether his name is on the birth certificate or not and whether he pays child support. I wouldn't worry too much about his mother. Not too many states formally recognize grandparent's rights. She doesn't have much of a leg to stand on. Just allow her whatever level of contact you're comfortable with, if any.
    ncgirl_21's Avatar
    ncgirl_21 Posts: 79, Reputation: 6
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    #9

    Dec 17, 2006, 08:02 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by excon
    Comments on this post
    Depressed in MO disagrees: In some states, a child of age 14 can determine if they are ready to have sex or not. It just depends on how old the other party is to determine if it is considered illegal. (for ex: stat. rape)
    __________________

    Hello Depressed:

    I strongly disagree. The age of the rapist is NOT the determinate factor in statutory rape. The age of the victim is. In this country, we don't let children determine any age of consent. We don't let them decide when to drink. We don't let them decide when to drive, and we don't let them decide when to have sex. Adults make those legal determinations.

    I say again, there is NO state in this country where having sex with a 14 year old is legal.

    excon
    Im sorry to say but you are wrong when you say NO STATE IN THIS COUNTRY THAT ALLOWS 14YR OLDS TO HAVE SEX LEGALLY because I know of a 14 yr old that had sex with a 32 yr old man and her parents found out and tried to press charges but the law said that it was OK because she consented to it
    letmetellu's Avatar
    letmetellu Posts: 3,151, Reputation: 317
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    #10

    Dec 17, 2006, 10:17 PM
    All of the laws that were quoted to you sound good and may be right in some places but you need to know the laws of the state of the country that you live in.
    CaptainForest's Avatar
    CaptainForest Posts: 3,645, Reputation: 393
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    #11

    Dec 17, 2006, 10:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by ncgirl_21
    Im sorry to say but you are wrong when you say NO STATE IN THIS COUNTRY THAT ALLOWS 14YR OLDS TO HAVE SEX LEGALLY because I know of a 14 yr old that had sex with a 32 yr old man and her parents found out and tryed to press charges but the law said that it was ok because she consented to it

    Again, WHAT country?

    In the USA - that is bad.

    If in Canada - it is OK.
    TUCK's Avatar
    TUCK Posts: 10, Reputation: 2
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    #12

    Dec 19, 2006, 12:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    Of course my heart is broken, however, I love my daughter more than words can express and she is pregnant. My daughter is 14 and her boyfriend is 16. I'm not interested in pursing action regarding the age of the boy, but is it illegal for a 16 Year-Old boy to have sex with a 14 Year-Old girl? This question is only for my peace of mind.

    Although I do not approve of the actions, I unconditionally love and support my daughter. I also love her boyfriend whom would like to stay in the baby's life.

    Sadly, the boyfriend's mother is already starting trouble. At first she attempted to force my daughter to terminate the pregnancy at 22 weeks, and now she is trying to win custody of the unborn baby. She is an alcoholic.

    My daughter and I have decided to not include the father's name on the birth certificate when the baby is born although we strongly desire to include the father in the baby's life as much as possible. We are not looking for financial support, only his love for the child.

    My questions are as follows:
    1. If the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    2. Will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    3. Should my daughter and I consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    4. Is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, I wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.

    Thank you very much!
    rojeni, you have gotten a bunch of arm chair lawyers advices here. Some say this and some say that. Go talk to a lawyer in your town and get these questions answered. I do know this, as the supporting mother to a dependent, soon to become a mother, you have the ball in your court. You do not have to name the child the father's last name, but his name will appear as the father of the child. Being the father of that child he does have rights to support and visit that child. You are going to have your hands full dealing with the fact that both parents are under the legal age of 18 (USA that is) and you will have to deal with the father's mother. But, remember, the mother of the child is in control of what and how this child is cared for.
    And, in my opinion only, there is not a judge in the country, USA that is, that would take a child from its mother, especially a new born, unless that mother is absolutely, without a doupt, unfit or the mother wants it that way.
    You are in control and any guide lines are yours to choose.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,292, Reputation: 7691
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    #13

    Dec 19, 2006, 01:22 PM
    Ok, first EXCON, sorry but South Carolina in the US allows legal age of consent for a girl to be 14 and the age of consent for the boy 16.

    But they are the only state in the US that allows it.

    If the father objects and wants his name on the birth certificate he can file an objection with the court and have it added if he wants to.

    Even if he is not listed on the birth certificate he has all the same rights as if his name was listed, he would just have to prove though DNA tests that he was the father.

    And he as as much right to custody of the child as the mother does, so there has to be a child custody hearing to determine if the mother will have primiary custody of the child ( it is not automatic)

    You can not become guardian of the baby unless the mother and father both agree ( one of his rights to custody of child)

    Also you don't have to include anyone in any planning if you don't want to, but remember they have as much right to file for custody of the baby in their sons name as you are asking for it in the mothers name.

    So the sooner you make peace with them the easier it is going to be, of you will find yourself hireing an attorney to stop them from taking the baby for the father to raise.
    brandismithstl's Avatar
    brandismithstl Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Dec 21, 2006, 09:50 AM
    I DON'T KNOW ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS RESPONDED TO YOUR QUESTION, BUT I'M 26 YEARS OLD AND DEALING WITH THE SAME PROBLEM REGARDING MY 10 MONTH OLD, MY EX AND HIS MOM. HERE IS MY ADVICE, ALTHOUGH I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD CONSULT LEGAL COUNSEL IN STATE ABOUT THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AS DIFFERENT LAWS ARE REGULATED IN EVERY STATE...

    1. If the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    Well, if his name is on the birth certificate, that does not mean anything other than the fact that your daughter is 'consenting' him to be the father. Now, this does mean that he is entitled to pay child support. THIS IS THE ONLY REASON SHE NEEDS TO PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE. IF SHE Doesn't PLAN ON GETTING SUPPORT FROM THIS GUY, PLEASE DO NOT HAVE HER TO DO THIS. This does not mean that he is entitled to custody or visitation or any other rights. If he wants such rights, he will have to take you to Family Court which will cost him lots of time and money (in which I'm sure a 16 year old and his drunken mother doesn't have). In Family Court, if your daughter would like to hold the process up, she can deny paternity, in which he will have to prove paternity by getting a DNA test, which will cost him more money out of pocket. The whole process of custody, visitation, Family Court period - takes time and lots of money. Most Attorneys here in MO run anywhere from $150/hr and up. If this family doesn't have money, their bluffing. Don't sweat it. Unless they have a court order, your daughter is the only one who has rights for to her child. Grandparents have NO rights.

    2. Will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    The father will only through Family Court. Nothing else. If he takes the child without her consent, it's kidnapping!

    3. Should my daughter and I consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    No

    4. Is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, I wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.
    Don't then. You or your daughter do not owe those people anything. If they ask why, tell him assertively that they are overbearing, out of line, and if they wish to have anything further to do with your child and grandchild, they have to learn how to respect your family, the situation and since your daughter still is a minor and lives in your home, you are demanding this, otherwise they will have no parts of this baby and if they disagree, tell them you will see them in court. *People are only intimidating if you let them be. Use the negativity they toss your way as ammunition against them to fight for the rights of your daughter and your grandchild.

    Now, no it is not illegal that a 16 year old had sex with your 14 year old daughter. It was consentual, I'm guessing. Even if it was consentual and he was 18+, then, yes, that would be illegal. Good Luck to you. God bless.
    OHSNAPXSOGLAM's Avatar
    OHSNAPXSOGLAM Posts: 2, Reputation: 0
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    #15

    Aug 23, 2007, 03:27 PM
    My questions are as follows:
    1. if the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    2. will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    3. should my daughter and i consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    4. is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, i wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.

    Thank you very much!

    Ok well first off i live in nc so i don't how your laws are where ever you are but mayb this can help you or answer some your questions:


    1: the "FATHER"[[if that's what he is]] has the right to get a dna test taken and if it comes back to him as being the father he has the rigt to petition for his name to be put on there, but for his best interest if he just wants to know and don't have a job hes better at not doing that for as the state can take child support from him

    2: you as the mothers mother have the first right to claim grandparents right. She can but after you first. You say she is a alcoholic well if you can prove that she is or that you and your daughter have a stable place to live food, clothing etc. you and your daughter will probably win.

    3. like i said before you can get grandparents rights. At birth just have your daughter sign over temperary guardianship.

    4. no you don't have to include as my best friend at age 17 just went through this last month. She and the biological father wanted to have a baby and after she got pregnant he didn't want to be with her. They broke up. She called him tried to include him in things and him 19 wanted nothing to do with her while she was pregnant no support to her at all. She finally had the baby july 14th 2007, he was notified by one of the mothers friends who wasn't supposed to tell. The "FATHER" showed up at the hospital and was escorted out by 5 cops as the mother and the mothers new boyfriend of 4 months did not want him in there. His name was not put on and her new boyfriends name was. He now wants to try to be involved and she won't let him which is for the best
    brinajane's Avatar
    brinajane Posts: 4, Reputation: 0
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    #16

    Oct 7, 2007, 10:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    Of course my heart is broken, however, I love my daughter more than words can express and she is pregnant. My daughter is 14 and her boyfriend is 16. I'm not interested in pursing action regarding the age of the boy, but is it illegal for a 16 Year-Old boy to have sex with a 14 Year-Old girl? This question is only for my peace of mind.

    Although I do not approve of the actions, I unconditionally love and support my daughter. I also love her boyfriend whom would like to stay in the baby's life.

    Sadly, the boyfriend's mother is already starting trouble. At first she attempted to force my daughter to terminate the pregnancy at 22 weeks, and now she is trying to win custody of the unborn baby. She is an alcoholic.

    My daughter and I have decided to not include the father's name on the birth certificate when the baby is born although we strongly desire to include the father in the baby's life as much as possible. We are not looking for financial support, only his love for the child.

    My questions are as follows:
    1. If the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    2. Will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    3. Should my daughter and I consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    4. Is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, I wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.

    Thank you very much!
    Fair play to u, its people like you that are called real parents willing to stand next to your daughter like that, I would do the same if it was my daughter just stand by her and she will love u more or it and she will always no that she can come to you for help, at the end of the day everyone makes mistakes in their life but it is just the case that you got to let them get on with it good luck to the both of you
    mistyamanard's Avatar
    mistyamanard Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Oct 8, 2007, 08:04 PM
    Well I know that in the state of Iowa you only have to be five years apart , if it is more then that then the other person can be charged. I just think you need to find out what the law is where you live. Every state is different in some way.
    this8384's Avatar
    this8384 Posts: 4,565, Reputation: 485
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    #18

    Oct 10, 2007, 05:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    Of course my heart is broken, however, I love my daughter more than words can express and she is pregnant. My daughter is 14 and her boyfriend is 16. I'm not interested in pursing action regarding the age of the boy, but is it illegal for a 16 Year-Old boy to have sex with a 14 Year-Old girl? This question is only for my peace of mind.

    Although I do not approve of the actions, I unconditionally love and support my daughter. I also love her boyfriend whom would like to stay in the baby's life.
    I'm so sorry to hear of your situation and you'll be in my prayers. However, I don't think it's illegal as they were both under the age of 18; it would probably be best to check your state law, though.

    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    Sadly, the boyfriend's mother is already starting trouble. At first she attempted to force my daughter to terminate the pregnancy at 22 weeks, and now she is trying to win custody of the unborn baby. She is an alcoholic.
    Sounds to me like this woman is freaking out because she's seen the bad side of young parenthood, no? I think she's afraid that her son is going to be "taken advantage of" even though he consented to unprotected sex

    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    My daughter and I have decided to not include the father's name on the birth certificate when the baby is born although we strongly desire to include the father in the baby's life as much as possible. We are not looking for financial support, only his love for the child.
    I commend you for this. He should be man enough to support his child without the court ordering it.

    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    My questions are as follows:
    1. If the father's name is not on the baby's birth certificate, what are his rights?
    Again, check your state law. I was unmarried when my daughter was born; because of the law in my state, I would not have been able to list a father's name on the birth certificate. My boyfriend had to sign a voluntary paternity acknowledgement admitting the child was his so we could put his name on the certificate.

    Quote Originally Posted by rojieni
    2. Will the father's mother be able to claim any type of rights for the baby?
    Only if he signs an acknowledgement form or if a paternity test is done. Otherwise, there's no proof the child is his, thereby keeping her from any claim to the child. If he signs the form, it will bar him from denying the child or asking for a paternity test in the future.

    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    3. Should my daughter and I consider myself for temporary guardianship of the baby?
    Absolutely, if the boy's mother is such a hellion. A 14-year-old is not capable of raising a child on her own.

    Quote Originally Posted by rojeni
    4. Is it my responsibility to include the father's mother in the planning etc... prior to the baby's birth? Honestly, I wish to not have any further contact with her as it was aggressive and intimidating.
    No, that's her responsibility. Again, until a paternity test is done, she really has no say in this. I would at least try to make reasonable attempts to include her because there'll be hell to pay if she "got excluded" from the birth of her grandchild.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #19

    Oct 10, 2007, 08:28 AM
    I bumped the send button before I finished reply to nc. It may not be legal for 14 yr olds but that is like saying it is illegal to smoke pot-most everybody does. The law doesn't seem to get enforced unless there is a problem to cause it to get enforced. Also it is illegal for an adult to have sex with a minor regardless if they consent.

    Once he is 18 and they are still together he could get in trouble for being with a minor.
    I think if they stay together and it is going to be a good enough lasting relationship I think
    You can sign papers giving permission for them to marry. I think it would be good to do #3 as soon as possible so the other grandparents have a harder time fighting for rights and if his name is not on the birth certificate they would have a harder time. They would have to get a court order for DNA tests to prove they are the grandparents and so forth.
    I think you should explain to the father that it would be best for all involved to wait a few years before his name is added to the birth certificate. In the meantime it can say father unknown. As far as his rights let him be a father to the baby and put his name on the birth certificate when your daughter turns 18.
    kitten94515's Avatar
    kitten94515 Posts: 115, Reputation: 4
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    #20

    Oct 10, 2007, 12:43 PM
    Yes you can get full custody, just you would have to go to court and you HAVE to say your reasoning for wanting FULL, such as the dads mother is an alcoholic, and he can get visitation and weekends, the only way he can keep the baby fully is I fyou allow it.

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