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dyanna_marie · Nov 27, 2003, 02:02 PM

I'll get right to it... my boyfriend of 14 years is a great guy and we do very well together with all aspects of our relationship. Recently a long time friend of his which happens to be female has come into our lives. I haven't known her personally, until recently. She is very much a lesbian only liking women, and this I have been told by other aquaintances who know her. I am having a hard time understanding why my boyfriend is somewhat attracted to her. Example: phone call from her and boyfriend answered. I also answered thinking he didn't. When I picked up the phone, I overheard:
Her asking: what you doing?
Boyfriend says: thinking about you.
Her: Oh so what are you doing?
Him; going across town to pay my rent. Ya want to go?
At this time, I broke in and said "who are you talking to?
I was totally hurt by his want of her company and how his voice was so happy . I couldn't believe that he didn't ask me since it was my truck he was taking, and why it didn't sound like a guy asking a guy to hang out.
I said: Hang up the phone and then proceeded to flip out on him because I felt like he's cheating on me by going behind my back wanting to be with her. She then came by a few days later and my son told her it wasn't good for her to be here and she left. She called and said she didn't know what she did wrong. And really she didn't because it wasn't here making the advances it was him. So I called her and explained what I thought and she hung up on me. Right then my boyfriend was leaving to find her to tell her it was OK to come over because he was worried about her being hurt. He wasn't going to tell me of these plans, he just wanted to find her and make sure she was OK. Now tell me, what is this all about? His feelings for her are confusing to me. She is a full blow les, doesn't even like men, says she only likes women. I don't understand? What is his attraction to her? Please help

elrp · Nov 27, 2003, 04:12 PM

Guys have a thing with lesbians ::) When me and my boyfriend are talking about cheating, he gets all upset and then when it's mentioned about me cheating on him with a women... he liked the thought! (I'm totally straight by the way) Guys like it when they think of chicks masturbating or whatever... so 2 chicks doing it to each other! It's like their fantasy! They can all dream right?! She's clearly not attracted to him because she doesn't like men so if I were you, I wouldn't be worried about it. He might be curious but when he realises this other chicks not going to start making out with you or something, he will soon loose interest.

The worst thing you can do is shout at him, and her. They will just think you're over reacting and that you're jelous. Even if you are, you don't want to show them that. Leave it a week or so and if it continues then just sit your boyfriend down and talk about it. I'm sure he will understand.

You've been together for 14 years so don't let something so small cause problems between you. He must love you to have been with you for so long and there's no way he'd sacrifice all that for a woman who doesn't even like men.

dyanna_marie · Nov 27, 2003, 06:45 PM

Hiya and thanks for the quick response. His "friend" is nowhere near being a feminine person. Her mannerisms and appearance are totally masculine. I am all female and as straight as they come. There isn't any attraction on her part for me. She is always standing very close to him, if he is in our room watching TV. she'll walk right in and sit down or stand next to him. He always seems to look out for her like is she comfortable and can he get her anything. Always walks her/him out to her/his car, doesn't do that for anbody else. Always takes her phone calls and visits. She is always there when I get home from work. And makes herself at home to often... Just buggin me. Thanks for some answers to a question that is all to new to me.
Dyannamarie

elrp · Nov 29, 2003, 04:59 AM

You're welcome :)

Ah I didn't realise she was always with him. She probably just feels comfortable with him because he's not a threat to her. She knows they will just be friends so she doesn't need to worry about giving him the wrong signals.

Does she know it's bothering you that she's there all the time?

Have you tried talking to your boyfriend?

dyanna_marie · Nov 29, 2003, 09:27 AM

Hi you... you know I never looked at it that way. She has never really had any close friends> She is actually a pretty nice person and a sense of humor that won't quit. She has never been disrespectful or short with me. Always says hi and asks me about my day. I have never really told her not to come over and boyfriend won't because he likes her company and can't see as she is doing anything wrong. I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her feel like she can't be here. She gets that everywhere else she goes. I did talk to boyfriend about it, but he insists that she is is friend and if I let her she would be my friend to. He has never once asked her not come by. The more I am around here the more I like her, maybe this is just an insecurity on my part... Ya think... As long as no one is getting hurt and she isn't trying to get in my pants or his, maybe I should just grow up a little and accept her friendship. She is sort of lonely sometimes so what do you think... thanks,,

elrp · Nov 29, 2003, 12:01 PM

I'm glad to hear you're feeling a bit better about the situation. I hope everything continues to go well for you in the future :)

dyanna_marie · Nov 29, 2003, 10:42 PM

Thanks again, you're the best. I feel much better since I was able to work things out better in my head with your input. Happy Holidays. And I will be looking forward to future conversation...
Dyanna

elrp · Nov 30, 2003, 03:18 PM

You're welcome :)

Remember you can also go to my website :)

petals123 · Dec 9, 2003, 03:16 AM

I think the best way to get over this whole thing is to talk to your guy. Tell him

See there are 2 possibilities - maybe there's something cooking between them and maybe your guy and this girl are hiding from you. Dear, there's no written rule that lesbians can't start getting attracted to men. Maybe one fine day they would find a new sexual interest and they would want to explore it surely. So maybe that's the case.

On the other hand, maybe its just that you are so jealous and uncomfortable with their closeness that's why its leading you to doubt them more and more and for all you know they are only friends nothing more.

So I would suggest, talk to your guy. Yeah I know he won't say 'yeah I love her' but talk to him and tell him that you need him to be open and honest with him.. do it before anything goes too far...

And if there is something between them, your discussion with him might make him feel guilty and he might think again of what he is heading into

Good luck

*petals*