[JoeCanada76]

We all have different personalities. We all have different experiances which influence our advice.

There are so many questions that are the same time and time again. Help me, I am starting to get frustrated by some of these questions that are the same all the time. I know we are here to help each other and to be as patient and kind to these people. Give them the best advice and hope that by that advice they will improve.

Some of these people who ask for advice when given the advice and even backed up by other people. Do not want to take it. or start denial. Or even get rude and frustrated then say that they did not want that advice and thanks for nothing.

I do not know, but I find myself being more forward, being less tactful and just saying whatever comes to mind, ( Hopefully this won't get me into trouble).

I do not know, I do not know if we have it on this website where we can just pick our favorite answers and use them or direct them to the questionnaire. Just have favorite answers that we can refer them to then there is less repetition. I know on answerway.com they have that.

Just ranting and raving. Tired and cranky.

Thanks for listening.

Joe

[LUNAGODDESS]

I so agree

[Skell]

I certainly see your point because at times I find myself being a lot more forward and blunt in my answers. I don't mean to be but sometimes that is what it takes.

This has evolved as well. When I came here I was very sensitive when answering questions because I know how sensitive I was when I first came here.

I suppose we have to remember that the questions being asked are so much the same because they are real life experiences that at one time or another we all go through. e.g. a relationship breakdown.

I guess we have to understand that it is not the original posters fault that it is probably the 3rd time that day we have answered such a question. There situation is there own in their mind and deserves respect in its own right. After all, when we all first came here asking our question, the people answering ours had probably answered it numerous times before, but we still were given the respect and advice we sought.

Sometimes when I read a question and I find myself irritated by it, rather than answer in an irratable manner which will be of no help to anyone, I simply move on to the next post.

When I was first here I was involved and offering answers in most posts in the relationship board. But now I find myself sort of picking and choosing which ones I get involved with based on hoe beneficial I think I can be with my advice.

If I am simply going to offer a short and abrupt post I choose to move on and leave it to someone more patient then I am.

But I certainly am with you on this one Joe!

And there seems to be a pattern to it.

New members seem to be a lot more patient and understanding in their advice (I mainly am talking in relationships here) because they themselves in most instances are still hurting and quite vulnerable. They relate to the poster and offer heartfelt and compassionate sympathy and advice.

Where as people who have been here a while and perhaps advances further personally are less likely to be as compassionate and sympathetic. Not saying they aren't at all, because they are, but they will offer more logical and fact driven advice as opposed to heartfelt and sympathetic.

It makes for a good mix of answers and the OP certainly gets plenty to think about!

Agree?

[JoeCanada76]

Yes, Agreed. I guess I just find myself losing my patience lately. I guess that is normal to happen from time to time. I have been on these type of sites for 6 or 7 years now. It was always my intention to help as many people as I can, to be as understanding as possible and just even be somebody to lean on, somebody that will listen. Somebody that uses experiances and lessons in life to help others. I guess, my patience have been running a bit thin and I am glad we all can express ourselves this way. Whether it be members discussion and just have a rant and rave occasionally. I want to do my best to be sympathetic and sensitive. At the same time with some of these posters I want to get right to the point and not hold anything back. Which I do not think it hurts to. Some people I think need that, whether they realise it or not. I do appreciate everybodies response here.

Thank you.

Joe

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see from answer something or another before Askme.com and now this site, I have been doing this for at least 7 years maybe 8.
And I guess I am just known to being short and sometimes rude but yes,

In most cases, esp when dealing with ex's, and boyfriends, they know the truth, but don't want to admit it, and want someone to feel sorry for them, to build their ego and tell them it is OK, they don't want to change or they would have already changed,

They are looking for people to agree with them.

I play around on Yahoo doing some answer there ( how I have the time who knows) but there I sometimes give the people the answer they want to hear, guess what I get best answer most of the time doing that, I give a real answer I get a insult back.

So here I give my opinoin, and that is all it is ever But I do this in real life also.

[andrewcocke]

I don't think any two relationship problems are the same. I think that people post in these forums on relationship problems because they are just looking to vent. Deep down, they know what they have to do, they just want to discuss it. Maybe they have no one to talk to in real life.

On another note, in just geneneral question and answering, it would be nice if some people actually responded to the answer, at least to let you know if the problem was fixed or not.

Lets face it, when troubleshooting a machine, you can test things for hours before you find the culprit, very seldom do I walk up to a machine and get the right diognostic the first time.

Sometimes people ask me a question like why doesn't this such and such work? I respond with a list of possibilities, I also offer additional help by welcoming them to post a wiring diagram that I can study.

I have been known to actually print these things, take colored pencils, and highlight the test points. Then the asker can view it, and test these points and order the CORRECT part the first time.

Why doesn't my element work? Some new guy will say that "you need a new element". Okay, $40 later, you install the element, it still doesn't work... this is why I like to troubleshoot. It could be the element, ot it could be one of 50 other things too. So I make my first response with a list of things to check for, this gives me a little background on the asker, and what he/she is capable of doing.

But so many times, the last comment on a question is "andrewcocke" asking... "is it electric or gas"... no response... I tire of that, I think most people just log in, make a question, and disappear, I don't think they even read the answer.

Don't get me wrong, Im not going to quit, but I yearn for a good troubleshooting thread. Haven't had one of those in about a month now.

[talaniman]

Funny you should start a thread on this Joe, as sometimes I can't tell one poster from another, they all are asking the same question. To make it so bad after a few pages, and of course they never post back, they start a new thread with... yep... the same question!! Frustrating to say the least. Sometime I take a break, sometimes a vacation, and sometimes I stick my head in the frig, and just scream!! Works quite well actually. I try to be patient and understanding but sometimes..! OHOH, I feel a good rant coming on so, I better find someone who's cheating on their wife with his sister in-law, and let 'em have it.

[valinors_sorrow]

Tis the season to be jolly fa la la la la la la la la?

[andrewcocke]

I think the trick is not to take it personal.

Sometimes we get to the point where we live through our computers. We see the world through a monitor. We get caught up in it to the point where we agonize over the foolishness online.

But alas, we forget, all computer have an "off" button. Something I wish many real life people had. Sometimes you just got to pull the plug and take a break.

[JoeCanada76]

Lol, Good post Val. Loved it. It made me laugh and smile.

Thank you for everybodys response. I guess we all have our beefs. Tal your absolutely correct about several posts same question asked and so on.

Joe

[JoeCanada76]

Fa la la la la la

Hark thou here the angels sing. I am so tired it is not funny.

[valinors_sorrow]

Yeah, Joe I always say if all else fails... try stuffing your head in a Kleenex box, beats other places, ooooh yeah! LOL

And go to bed, silly!

[talaniman]

Off button? What off button? I don't see no freakin' off button?

[valinors_sorrow]

In your case Tal, just pull the plug!

[Allheart]

Hi Jesus helper.

Honestly, and this is the truth... when you respond, or give advice, it never comes across as short or rude. So don't be concerened that it is :):)

Being a Newbee here :), I can most understand how all of you must feel same question over and over and over and yet all of you give the most incredible and insightful advice.

As Skell said, the words may be the same, but the pain is very real for these people. I think because I am still new, I get so drawn in. I actually can feel their pain and there are times I get so exhausted. At that point, I just click the machine off and come back when I think I can handle it better.

There was only one post so far that just through me for a loop and really hurt my head. It was a girl who on one thread had serious marital problems and on a different thread
See was asking advice about getting pregnant as her and her hubby are trying for a second child... huh :rolleyes:?? I did point it out to her, but never heard back.

To be honest, it's the younger ones that I just don't know what to do with them. Why do they have themselves bundled up in knots at age 16?? They should be out having fun.

Well, as a Newbee, I have to tell all of you, don't get tired or frustrated... you are needed!! And are doing a heck of a job helping people. Your frustration is never evident in your post, you may feel it, but what ends up on the monitor, is always dead on advice.

So keep the faith and keep doing what you are doing.. because honest to pete... your words make a world of difference in these folks lives, mine too :):)

[JoeCanada76]

Thank you so much Allheart. You make the world of difference. I appreciate you responding and letting me know how my advice here is needed. I do feel and are concerned about my posts becoming short and rude. At the same time I do realise that these people need to hear the truth. Thank you again for your encouraging post.

(; Joe

[Allheart]

Jesus,

I meant everyword. Many of us would be so lost without all of you, especially me. I have a tendency to do everything with my heart (hence the name :) I didn't pick the name because I have a big heart, I picked it because I tend to only use my heart and not my head. Not a good thing :). I struggle sometimes out there, because I want all the posters to not have pain anymore and want to waive a majic wand and make it all go away. When I am alone on a post, I am thinking... Hellllp where are all of you... I need that valuable insight. I am currently struggling with one now, but I am trying to do my best.
I am so relieved when one of you come behind me... and BAM in comes that amazing insight. You all managed to incorporate both heart and head, which is a talent and a blessing.

Thank you to all of you... now come help me with this poster :):) LOL

[Bluerose]

Thank you so much Allheart.


Jesushelper76,

You rant all you want. If it's any comfort I'll be joining you from time to time. Lol

It's not so much answering the same questions over and over - though that's true - but we are making that all important contact with someone who is reaching out for some help or and answer to their question. The fact that the same questions keep coming up is irrelevant.

I read somewhere, where a psychiatrist said he basically gets paid for giving people permission to be themselves - to be human.

Most of these questions are about confusion and wondering if it's okay to feel this or that; be angry at someone, love someone so much etc.

I took a page out of that psychiatrists book and try to reassure them and give them permission to feel what they feel. I try to get across that they are not wrong, they simply need to learn to manage all these feelings more positively.

I am trying to let them know that it is okay to write their own permission slip.

As well as get it across that people are apt to treat you like you treat yourself. So if you want people to treat you nice and respect you, you must treat yourself nice and respect yourself.

So, how am I doing?

[ScottGem]

You've been doing this for 6-7 years? I've been doing it for about 20 years. This hasn't changed in all that time.

[ordinaryguy]

The beauty of a community is that no single one of us has to be "on" all the time. It's that freedom to just go do something else for awhile that keeps us from going completely bonkers. I figure that my frustration level is a very good indicator of when it's time to give it up and let somebody else handle it. No guilt about that at all. Also, no guilt about just skipping the posts that for whatever reason don't seem to draw a response from my heart/head/spirit. There's no telling how these things work, really. We just have to have faith that if we give what we can with good humor and compassion it will be enough.

Good thread, Joe. Something we all need to consider and be aware of. Balance and moderation in all things.