[jrsomello]

Hi, My name is James. I am 23 years old and have a 2 year old son. My son's mother and I have been broken up for roughly a year and recently we began hanging out and re-sparking the old flame. Ultimately after a week or two, we once again realized that it would be best if we just stayed separated, BUT, I can't stop obsessing over who she's with or what she's doing. She gave me her password to unlock her laptop a month ago and I memorized it. I had just left her from dropping off my son one night and I used this same password to log in to her e-mail and I basically found what I hope I didn't find. NAKED PICTURES that she sent to another man. I checked the date and it was very recent. AFTER finding that, I can't stop checking her e-mail, I even used the same password to log in to her cell phone online account and low and behold she uses the same password for everything. Now before I realize what is actually happening to me, I find myself on spokeo (the person finder web-site) analyzing every detail to discover who this person is, while comparing the phone number to the name to the e-mail address the naked pics were sent to. IDK what to do or how to get out of this!! This obsession is consuming me and I know its not a healthy one either. Aside from the average case of post break-up jealousy, I torment myself by snooping through her accounts and I want it to STOP! So Basically what I'm asking is how do I get her to change her password without actually telling her that Im a obsessive stalking snooper... smh. And by the way, a little advice on how to avoid ever doing this again or what my problem may be would also be a great help. THANK YOU

[Ash123]

I would suggest paying a psychiatrist once a week for a few months. This involves a child, a mother and heavy depression and obsession. I am not sure you will get too far on your own. May I suggest a few things right away:

1) Don't look at any more emails
2) Cut ties completely - except with child
3) Go out of town for a long weekend and visit a friend

Ash

Hard work ahead - don't be scared - be better...

[bamachick2505]

Do not worry about her. Focus on your son. He needs you and his mom to get along. So try talking to other friends or start dating again. If you worry about your ex, you will only end up hurt in the long run. I know Im only 18. But I hope this helps. And remember you have a son that is invovled. Take care of him and like the other post said... get away for a weekend. Go hang out with friends. But also talk about this with someone you trust and that you know will help you. (: Good luck. And I hope everything works out.

[1800proof]

I think it's natural to be curious about what's going on in your ex's life, especially if you still have feelings for her. But it looks like you're already on the right track of knowing that what you are doing is unhealthy. Congratulations! A lot of people don't realize that. Unfortunately, it's going to take a lot of will power on your end to stop. Keep busy... join a gym, start dating, hang out with old friends, etc. but don't neglect your child.

As far as getting her to change her password, I have one idea... The next time you guys meet or talk, you can nonchalantly say her password out loud (or under your breath but in a way that she hears it) then ask her if she uses that password for anything else. The lightbulb should turn on in her head, and she'll change her password on her accounts. That's if she doesn't want you to know what's going on in her life. If she doesn't care, she probably won't change a thing. I had a girlfriend who once told me that if her ex didn't want to get hurt, then he shouldn't snoop around where he doesn't belong. Now that she's MY ex, I take her advice! Will-Power!

[kutocer]

As proof says its natural to want to know what is going on with them. I went made in the first couple of weeks and still have thoughts today but am coping with them.

You've been given great advice so far and do you best to stick to it, it will be hard but if I can do it so can you. :)

I have 2 girls and they are now my main concern as your boy should be with you.

Get out and do more don't sit at your PC, your mind in the evening will start to wonder what she is doing it's that point your most likey to do it and that will keep you up most of the night.

Chin up don't beat yourself up and think about your boy.

[positiveparent]

I would just tell her "oh by the way did you change your laptop password" because I would hate for it to get lost and you knowing I know the password,so changing it might be advisable.

As for the rest of your post I feel others here have already suggested excellent advice for you to follow up with.

[Homegirl 50]

I'm on another track.
If you really want to get your stuff together, tell her what you have been doing so she can change her password, and get some counseling. You have seriously invaded her privacy and she has a right to know it.
There may be consequences but that is the price you pay when you do wrong.

Personally I think once you get this off your chest, you will feel better, no more guilt no need for counseling.

[positiveparent]

Have to spread the rep homegirl

Having had a think about this,
I agree yes tell her the truth if you tell her one lie that will lead to another, and in time she may find out what you've done and that will then totally destroy her trust for you, and could have knock on effects with your child.

She won't be best pleased Im sure, but shell respect your honesty in time even if not immediately.

In future resist temptation to snoop, its not fair or healthy.

[talaniman]

Come clean with her, so she can protect herself from your stalking, and be wary of you.

When you partake in bad behavior, expect to pay the consequences for it.

[jrsomello]

Thanks a lot guys for all of your advice. I diffused the situation and spoke to a counselor. But I could not bring myself to actually tell her the truth about what happened (at least not at this time). But lets just say I found a way for her to change her password without me knowing what it is. What can I say? I didn't know a little bit of curiosity could lead to an obsession, but I realize snooping is bad business... oh and by the way "Talaniman" I'm not a stalker, yes I crossed the line of privacy respect, but stalker? NOT at all...

[Ash123]

Keep seeing a counselor... and just so you know now, he or she will not be fazed at all by your story so don't worry. They will not think less of you. They have heard worse and it's their job to let you talk it out.

Good luck. And stay away from the computer...