[bigberry090]

Me and my girlfriend met in 8th grade and have dated since. We have been together almost 7 years and engaged for 1 year. We got into a fight about her wanting to hang out with a guy that she kissed before and I didn't want her to go. Well I gave in and she went and I couldn't help but text her and tell her I didn't like she was there and she got mad and said I didn't trust her. She said we need time apart so she could think about if she wanted to marry me. She ended up kissing the guy that night. I have done everything in my power to see her and express my love for her. She said we could hang out and just to give her time but she has been with him for 3 days. I don't know what to do anymore. I gave her everything I could. I spoiled her with clothes and purses. She didn't pay any bills. I only made her go to college but she only goes for 4 hours a day and I'm at work for 5 hours after she gets out. I can't eat or sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see her with someone else. I've cried so much in the past few days it hurts and I just want to die. I tell her I love and miss her every time I talk to her or text her and she just says OK. She says she still loves me and is still in love with me. I just don't understand. I need help before I lose my mind.

[BWK10]

She kissed another guy, while she was with you. Enough in my books to rid of someone.

[aimee_tt]

Ok so she has kissed this guy before... Told you she needs a break then kisses him again. Now she's with him...


Why do you want her still? Even if you did get back together she will just do it again.

Forget about marrying her! Stop talking to her and start moving on. Find a girl who respects you to marry you!

[bigberry090]

She is the girl I want to marry

[BWK10]

Get some self respect

[parisrose]

She used to be the girl you wanted to marry.

You need to realize the situation here... she isn't the same person anymore, she has changed.

You need to move on, she is just using you now.

[Showme_urmove]

People says love is blind.. but in your situation your just being stupid. I'm sorry to sound harsh but people here are right, how can you still be with someone that doesn't respect you and the relationship you both made.
You will always love her but it doesn't mean that you have to be with someone you love. I know the pain your feeling, everyone here on the site knows the feeling you have, your not alone.
This girl is not for you, she knows she can play you and that she got all the power on this relationship. Your there begging, crying, threw all yourself respect out the door, and became a little girl and cried to her arms. While she's their with the other guy and only God knows what they both are doing.
This girl has to many red flags, she obviously choose the other guy then you.

Please instead of thinking I need her, start thinking how can I get over her... It would be the best choice you will ever make.

[bigberry090]

I know. I try to think about moving on but I can't stop thinking about her. I've got like 3 hours of sleep in 3 days and haven't ate very much.

[positiveparent]

Hi to the OP.

Firstly never ever say you need anyone, because you don't, need is a word to be eliminated out of the situation, you can say you want a person, but never say need, it puts you in a lose lose situation the moment you say it.

You only think you "need" this girl possibly because she fed your ego and the ego is like that it can cause us to believe we"need" someone or something to survive.

We don't, you are merely allowing yourself to think this it's a thought a very negative one, change it and tell yourself, you can survive this and you will survive it.

Its over she's gone, and now you have to heal yourself and move on, go NC, and also tell yourself, you DONT need this girl. you may have wanted her, you never needed her.

Time to move on and restart your life...

[kctiger]

i know. i try to think about moving on but i can't stop thinking about her. ive got like 3 hours of sleep in 3 days and havent ate very much.

This is 7 years in the making. Anyone on here who tells you it is easy to just drop this is not being realistic. You are hurt and confused, which is understandable. Bottom line, right now you just need to let this pass, which means a lot of emotions for a good amount of time. Be proactive, get out there in the world and do good things for yourself. You two were extremely young when you met and things change as you get older and more mature.

This is going to take a lot of time to get over, but it will pass and you will move on, I promise. We've all been there. Sometimes, even the ones we think are "the ones" just don't work out. Good news is life goes on, but you have to give yourself a push and that starts with erasing her from your life.

[bigberry090]

I know I should get over her but I just don't want to.

[talaniman]

Bow out gracefully, and keep your dignity, and self respect as her feelings have changed, and with proper healing, and No Contact, so will yours.

Its may be a long time before you do want to get over her, but she has been wanting to explore other options and opportunities for a very long time. She gave you signs and signals no doubt, but you ignored them, or she was hiding them.

Whatever the case, she wants something different than marriage to you, and that's what she will do.

She will do her thing, so you may as well find your own thing to do.

[Alty]

Something no one else has mentioned, or I missed it. You've been together since you were kids. She may have dated before, but in 8th grade, how serious could it have been?

Neither one of you really dated, had the experiences of going out with different people. Many times, if you start dating at a young age, one of you will feel like you missed out on something, missed those experiences most people have.

She may still love you, she may just need some time to do the things most people do, date, have fun, flirt, go out with different people. Having said that, there's no reason why you should sit around waiting for her to decide what she wants.

Will you two be together? I don't know. I do know that you shouldn't hope for it, or expect it. Move on as if she's not going to be in your life. Heal, do no contact, get over her, live your life, and if down the road you both decide that you're right for each other, you can decide what to do at that time.

For now you're single, and so is she, so go have some fun, meet new people. There's a whole world out there to explore. :)

[Lucky098]

You've been together since the 8th grade.. That is a REALLY long time. Neither one of you experienced anything besides each other. And sometimes, that needs to happen. Both of you need to take a break from each other. Apparently, she's already taking her break.

If she chooses him, then you're going to have to accept it. If she goes back to you, its your choice to accept her back knowing she's been with someone else.

You're in a pickle. But the only way to get out of this pickle is for you to stand up on your own two feet and start over new. There are a lot of wonderful people in this world. I realize that you love this girl... But you need to experience the world. That doesn't mean you have to go searching for your soulmate.. or even date! But go meet new people.

Your relationship with your ex grew old. That happens a lot with middle school relationships as they mature.. you both grew apart. Time to accept it.

[bigberry090]

Well I haven't thought about her much today but now I am home in my room alone and missing the feeling of her next to me in bed. I look to the other side of my bed and my chest caves in and I get a knot in my throat. I know I'm not going to be able to get to sleep yet again tonight. I usually watch TV until I'm so tired I basically passout but then I will wake up an hour later and be up the rest of the night.. I can't get her out of my mind now. I just need to hold her in my arms. I feel like I have a hole inside of me now. I can't think of a way to fill it. I would hang out with friends but I have to be home early and get up early for work. And I'm not real sure how to talk to another girl. I'm not sure I even want to talk to anyone at this time. I haven't talked to my mom or any of my family since the breakup. I've only talked to her. My sister and mom text me and ask if I'm OK or if I need anything but I don't answer because I don't know what to say.

[positiveparent]

Not sure how old 8th graders are but I assume its about 12/13? Also 7 years is a very long time, some marriages don't last that long.

So with ths in mind it is understandable why you are so attached, however with getting together at such a young age, neither of you has really experienced the world on your own.

That's why the relationship has ended or partly then, your ex wanted to experience more of life and other b/fs.

You would be doing yourself a favour too if you were to also start meeting and dating other girls, lifes for living, and you're only young once.

I understand you are hurting, you'll hurt even more if you sit around all the time just thinking about what might have been.

When you and the ex first got together you were barely teens really or just a tad older, back then you were different people, and since then you'll have both changed as will your tastes in the opposite sex, and other areas in your lives.

As hard as it may be, you are going to have to rejoin the human race at some time in the future, the sooner the better.

This hurt will pass and it will pass quicker and easier if you make the effort to go out and live a little. You've lots to gain and nothing to lose. Give it a try you might like it...

[Alty]

You're going through a mourning period. You were together for 7 years, it's natural to feel a loss now that you're no longer together.

Take the time to heal, but don't contact her. If you keep contacting her, you're only prolonging the healing. You need to let go of her, and you can only do that if you stop the contact.

This isn't going to be easy, but you will get through it, honestly you will. We've all been there. Everyone has had a breakup at least once in their life, and every single one of us has survived it.

So take one day at a time. Getting active, going out, that helps in the healing. I know you don't feel much like doing anything right now, but surrounding yourself with people, or going to work out, or a movie, or anything, that will help you get your mind off things. Go for a walk, or a bike ride, go to the gym. Exercise will help with the sleep issues too.

For now, whenever you feel a weak moment, or need a shoulder, come here, post to us. The people here are a great support system and we've helped many people deal with break ups.

So one step at a time. Okay?

[Homegirl 50]

This is sort of like growing up and leaving home.
You two grew up together discovered the opposite sex together, but you have grown up, she has and it seems she is wanting to spread her wings.
You need to do the same. She is your comfort zone, you have never had to interact with other girls.
It is time for you to come out of your comfort zone and discover who you are.
A lot of this is fear of the unknown.
It's time to leave the nest.

[bigberry090]

I know its one step at a time. I didn't think of her much today because I went on a bike ride and put about 300 miles on my bike.

[positiveparent]

No one here wants you to continue to hurt, that's why we are all saying that you need to go out, not necessarily with other girls, you have male friends, family, workmates etc , you could go out with them, or go visit your family for say an hour to start with.

Staying alone in your apartment or whatever it is you live in, won't help with the healing, it will only serve to keep you stuck.

You could also spend this time doing some work on yourself which will also improve all areas of your life, like personal development, self improvement, awareness, all of these topics will be beneficial to you, and your future, what is not going to help you is if you merely mope around the place living in the past.

The Past is gone the Future isn't here so Now is all we have anyone of us, so live in the Now. And work towards a Bright future. It makes sense to do this...

Also please text your Mom back Im a Mum and I worry about my grown up Son, especially if he's hurting, so don't ignore texts your Moms no doubt worried about you. Let her know you're still with us Please...