[Starless]

Hi !

I hope anyone can help me, I'm feeling so hopeless and sad :(

Almost three months ago my boyfriend broke up with me. I did not plead or beg him to come back... I just accepted it. At least I acted this way.

2 weeks later he called me again and called me for almost one week every single day talking about what he is up to and blabla... I met up with him but he remained distant and was mean to me. I was pretty hurt by his attitude and that he did not want to be with me. But I acted strong and did not call again. He called again 2 weeks later and I said I accepted the break up and so on (I read this in some break up book I bought on the internet)... he was like "what? but i did not want to break it off like that.."...

After that I ignored two of his calls and called him some days later where I wanted to know what was going on and he told me again that its totally over.

The weird thing: he called me again a week later. I ignored his calls for 4 weeks. He even left a message how much he misses me. I was totally confused and hurt as well.

Now we talked on the phone about a week ago and he was kind and everything... but told me he is leaving for spain, for some language school (1 month)...

I have no idea, what's going on with this guy. What is he thinking? Why does he call, says he misses me, but doesn't want to be with me at the same time? What can I do to change his mind?

I bought a lot of break up books like t dub jacksons, ryan halls, etc... but its been three months now... I'm getting nervous... and he's leaving :( and I don't know whether to call him or not... I don't want to blow my chances... (if I have any)...

Thank you for your help!

[louiseismyname]

If he wants to be with you then he would be as simple as that. I feel that he is using you when he needs a friendly face as he knows that you will always be there for him. You need to go No Contact and stick with it. Once he knows that your emotions are not to be played with he may fess up and start acting like a man, if not then you are well rid.

Let him go on his trip, the break will do you both the world of good

[jmw0713]

Actions speak louder than words. If a really wanted to be with you, he would be. But instead he is feeding you BS over and over again to keep you close and to play with your mind.

Set yourself free from the emotional torment and don't talk to him anymore.

[Starless]

Thank you for your help! I felt stronger the last few weeks because I had hope... but time flies and there is only confusion left. We've been together for 2,5 years...

After he told me again "its over" I put "the no-contact" rule into action and he really showed some interest.. but just some...

Anyway... thank you for your time and support!

[talaniman]

Sorry to say your use of the NC Rule is flawed, and keeps old feelings, false hope, and confusion alive. That's where you question his reasons for contacting you, and hope he is showing interest. Its always why this, or why that, when you BREAK NC.

Had you ignored ALL his attempts at contact from the get go, you wouldn't have to ask why, because you would no longer care, or be curious, or hurt by his words, or haunted by false hope, and confusion.

Start over with NC, and do it right this time, with no half stepping.

[jmw0713]

No Contact rule is not a tool used to get them back. It is used to help you move on and heal.