[Seeker2010]

I ran a search, but could find what I was looking for, so here is my question.

[cdad]

Im going to say something. Its going to sound harsh. But here goes.

That child has a right to know their bio dad. You need to seek therapy for the problem your having because if you continue down that path and let fear rule you and play what if games. In the end you could lose custody of the child you have. There more then likely WILL be a reintroduction period for the bio dad. Expect it if court papers have been filed. That may or may not progress. But you shouldn't look to interfere with it. In doing so can be your downfall. Why haven't you married? By your admission its been 10 years. If you had been married then you could have adopted the child or the non bio dad could have and this entire situation would have been mute. Please for your own sake seek out a therapist and talk with them about this situation and your feelings.

[ScottGem]

I've merged all your threads, please don't start new threads with the same question.

I've given you a summary of the situation. Your latest post doesn't change that summary.

[ortiz92886]

Hi there. This is the original poster. I created a new account a few months ago because I couldn't locate the acct info for Seeker2010 after several tries. In anycase, I told you all I would update you when the case was over, and now it is.

Just recently I was awarded sole legal and sole physical custody. The petitioner, bio-father, will have no visitation and cannot even petition to have the order modified until a whole list of requirements are met, which essentially means he is out of our lives until she decides otherwise. I cannot put into words how very happy it makes me to report this news.

See, I couldn't say too much before because I didn't want to somehow or in any way slander, libel, or appear to be attempting to manipulate my daughter's opinion of her biological father in the eyes of the court. Now that the case is over, I can tell you that the death of my eldest daughter, in my opinion and in the opinion investigator assigned to her case, was in large part due the actions and behavior of the bio-father. Fortunately, that did not play a role in the decision for custody, nor was it discussed other than to mention the remaining child was undergoing grief counseling due to the death of her sister and was the impetus for the paternity action after 8 years of absence.

***************************************

My advice to others is 1) not all biological parents are crated equal - know that judges know that! 2) follow your instincts and fight like heck to protect your children against all odds 3) when the chips are down and others tell you to just deal with (insert your long-shot here)- scour the corners of the earth to find the one person who can help and is willing to take a chance with you 4) there is ALWAYS hope.

Lastly in response to califdadof3...

Im going to say something. Its going to sound harsh. But here goes.

That child has a right to know thier bio dad. You need to seek therapy for the problem your having because if you continue down that path and let fear rule you and play what if games. In the end you could lose custody of the child you have. There more then likely WILL be a reintroduction period for the bio dad. Expect it if court papers have been filed. That may or may not progress. But you shouldnt look to interfere with it. In doing so can be your downfall. Why havent you married? By your admission its been 10 years. If you had been married then you could have adopted the child or the non bio dad could have and this entire situation would have been mute. Please for your own sake seek out a therapist and talk with them about this situation and your feelings.

... all I have to say is this comment should read (every child has a right to be protected, their father's included.

Thanks for reading. Happy New Year.

[ortiz92886]

Oops, I meant to say


... all I have to say is this comment should read (every child has a right to be protected, from their father's included.

[ScottGem]

Well you see I agree with Califdad here. I agree that every child has a right to know their bio dad. That includes to know that he is a dead beat, and abuser etc.

[ortiz92886]

Absolutely, Scott, I agree 100% with you as long as the child is of sufficient age and maturity to be receive the information. And, 11 years old is not the appropriate age, imo, specially with our set of circumstances. My child knows of her bio-father and has seen pictures, but I'll the reserve the details of what/who he is until she asks or I see it necessary for her to know.

Thanks for all the input guys. The answers definitely helped to prepare for the possibilities.

[ScottGem]

I would think 11 is actually old enough. But you know your dtr best.

[asking]

Congratulations ortiz on your successful outcome. I think you did the best possible thing for your daughter. I'm so sorry you have lost a child, but happy that you have been able to ensure the safety of the other. It sounds to me like you did everything right.