[rn23]

I found a girl on a dating site, she is from different country. We started talking and she asked me my photo. I was not serious about the friendship, so I gave fake photo to her. Days passed and we came very close to each other. I started thinking of her. Because she is the one with all qualities in her. And I was scared to show my real photo to her... I am scared that she will leave me by saying cheater. We both fall in love withother. A true love, we talk daily for 3-4 hours. We love each other a lot. Even if we don't talk for a day we feel missing somethng. Its been now a year we know each other. We are sure we love each other so much. Now I am ina plan to meet her. We are even planning to get engagged when we will meet. I love her more than anythng. I love her more than my life. And even she loves me the same... but still she dsnt know my real face. Now I have to show my real photo. I am not a lier, I am not a cheater. I consider this as a mistake.. and just because I am scared to loose her... what will happen when I will tell her its not me in the photo you have, I am scared, I don't want to loose my love... my love is my life... is not like I am not good looking.. I am good looking and has good personality. But I love her more than anythng.. I don't want to loose her.. what will be her reaction:confused:

[caesars charm]

Why don't you just take a chance on telling her the truth. If she fell in love with you as a person she shouldn't even be worried about your looks. Explain to her how you felt so insecure at first and when things got so good between you two, you got scared because you were afraid of losing her. Better to get things out in the open before you meet or you might regret it. Good luck!

[kp2171]

First, yes, you are a liar. You lied to her. You might be a great guy and this is one mistake. Not the worst I've seen, but don't try to say you didn't lie. You did. That's her perspective. Dumb idea. You've had a long time to come clean about this.

So now what. Well all you can do is come clean. Send her another pic and if she's mad about it, well, you deserve it. If she's not upset, then there you go.

You can spend another hour or day or month fretting about this deception... or you can face it, like a man, and live with the consequences. You lied. She might not be upset. Likely she will be, regardless of whether she finds the "real" you attractive or not... she's used that picture when visualizing you for the hours you talk each day.

So... the short answer is you simply need to come clean and figure it out. If she forgives you, you're off the hook. If she doesn't, you've learned a lesson. Unfortunately some of the most important lessons we learn are those that knock us on our rears.

[rn23]

Thanks friend.. you I realise I have made the biggest mistake, but what should I do. I cnt forget her. Trust me I love her a lot, and she loves me too. I don't even want to think life without her... she has shown me the way to live life. She has changed me from bad to good.. how should I tell her. I am confused... thanks again friend..

[SouthernBelle06]

Yes, you do need to tell her the truth. This is a scary thought I'm sure, but what will you do when you meet in person? Isn't meeting in person what you intend to do? She will find out the truth one way or another when this happens. She will know that the person in the photo she has seen is not really you. Why not just get it over with now? If she ends things, which is her right since you were not honest, best to do it now before you meet and not make things worse for everyone.

How to do it? Here is a sample email:

"I have something that I need to tell you. When you and I first began talking, I didn't take it too seriously and I did something kind of silly. I showed you a picture of another person as being me. I was too shy to show my real photo at that time. I didn't ever really think that we would become as close as we have become or talk as long. Since we have developed a friendship and we are planning to meet in person, I need to show you a true picture of myself. I hope that you are not too angry with me, but if you are I understand. I wasn't honest and you deserve honesty. I hope that you would like to continue our friendship because I do care for you. If you don't wish to continue talking to me, I understand and will respect your decision. Again I'm sorry. Here is a true photo of myself. "

Then send the best photo of you possible. She may well break things off or she may accept the real you. This is the only way to try to fix this.

Did you only show the photo of another person because you thought you weren't good looking enough and the other person's photo was more attractive? Is there any huge difference in yourself than in the photo she has seen?. such as a huge age difference? Race? Nationality? Size? Sex? If so, this is a huge deception and you may just have to learn a harsh lesson in honesty here. Good luck to you.

[rn23]

Yes, you do need to tell her the truth. This is a scary thought I'm sure, but what will you do when you meet in person? Isn't meeting in person what you intend to do? She will find out the truth one way or another when this happens. She will know that the person in the photo she has seen is not really you. Why not just get it over with now? If she ends things, which is her right since you were not honest, best to do it now before you meet and not make things worse for everyone.

How to do it? Here is a sample email:

"I have something that I need to tell you. When you and I first began talking, I didn't take it too seriously and I did something kind of silly. I showed you a picture of another person as being me. I was too shy to show my real photo at that time. I didn't ever really think that we would become as close as we have become or talk as long. Since we have developed a friendship and we are planning to meet in person, I need to show you a true picture of myself. I hope that you are not too angry with me, but if you are I understand. I wasn't honest and you deserve honesty. I hope that you would like to continue our friendship because I do care for you. If you don't wish to continue talking to me, I understand and will respect your decision. Again I'm sorry. Here is a true photo of myself. "

Then send the best photo of you possible. She may well break things off or she may accept the real you. This is the only way to try to fix this.

Did you only show the photo of another person because you thought you weren't good looking enough and the other person's photo was more attractive? Is there any huge difference in yourself than in the photo she has seen?..such as a huge age difference? race? nationality? size? sex? If so, this is a huge deception and you may just have to learn a harsh lesson in honesty here. Good luck to you.

Thanks a lot for the perfect email.. apart from photo every thing I told to her is truth. My relion, nationality, my work, my age, my financial background, my education, my dream.. and my feelings... no there is not much difference between me and the fake photo... I am very scared.. I don't want to loose her.. I know I sud tell the truth.. but what if she will say get angry on me.. and if she will break up... oh my god.. I cnt live without her... god help me... Thanks friend.. thanks for helping me...

[talaniman]

Tell the trruth and if she dumps your lying butt, then that's the consequences of your actions, so fess up. On the other hand, she may have sent you a picture of a super=star and may look like a dog in real life. Will you love this dog after falling for her personality?

[ordinaryguy]

Well, yes, sending a fake photo of yourself was a mistake, but it may not be the biggest one of your life. The biggest may be thinking you are in love with and ready to be married to this person you have never met and don't really know. Of course you do know a lot ABOUT her as a result of all your correspondence, but it isn't possible to really KNOW someone without spending a lot of time with them, in all kinds of situations and circumstances. You're getting way ahead of yourself here, so back the truck up and slow down and realize you have a lot of getting acquainted to do before you commit to a life together. I'm guessing she will forgive you if you own up to your lie about the picture in the way SouthernBelle suggests. But you need to recognize that just gets you to the starting gate. Take it slow and easy and see what develops.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Firstly, I don't understand how you can love someone you have never met but this has never happened to me so I guess I cannot judge your feelings.

Secondly, you lied and that was a bad thing but everyone makes mistakes and falls short of perfection. Now that you recognize this mistake you can correct it by telling the truth. If you love her like you say you do, then show her the respect she deserves, and tell her honestly why you did it. If she is worth it, she will forgive you and might actually find the whole thing quite amusing in a nice way.

Either way buddy, you are going to have to be honest anyway, since she will find out eventually. Tell her before you meet up and see how she reacts, I'm sure it will be fine.

You say that you are good looking anyway, so perhaps she will actually like what she sees better! I think you have learned a good lesson here that telling lies serves very little purpose. Most people tell little white lies but I think this one kind of back fired on you.

Never mind, live and learn.

Also... remember, looks are not really that important, someone that counts will value you for who you are, your personality, your soul, your beliefs e.t.c. the list goes on but looks are but just a shell that are like a vessel we carry throughout our journey in life.

Saying that though, there does need to be some physical attraction between two people.

[wap]

Well said Geoff, again I am not allowed to rate your answer!

[kp2171]

Thanks friend.. ya i realise i have made the biggest mistake, but what should i do. i cnt forget her. trust me i love her a lot, and she loves me too. i dnt even want to think life without her... she has shown me the way to live life. she has changed me from bad to good.. how should i tell her. i am confused... thanks again frnd..

Look... I'm not going to say you can't find someone to care about by methods that are outside of "old", traditional dating...

But its time to stop the "i love her so desperately with all my being that i just can't make it without her...did i mention i love her so much" talk...

Really, its tiring and a sign of immature emotional stability. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people go through this to some extent or another... but you sound like a 16 year old kid who has never been in love.

Here's the reality. Most of us lose a love somewhere along the way. It hurts. It sucks. You feel like crap for a time. Then you pick yourself up and try not to make the same mistakes again.

You sound like you are desperate and obsessing a little (3-4 hours a day?? Really? A bit over the top, for me)... that's not a good sign for the relationship.

So you know what you have to do. Do it. Stop asking what to do next. You know. Do it. Like now.

[valinors_sorrow]

Saying that though, there does need to be some physical attraction between two people.

Tell the trruth and if she dumps your lying butt, then thats the consequences of your actions, so fess up. On the other hand, she may have sent you a picture of a super=star and may look like a dog in real life. Will you love this dog after falling for her personality?

This is why I have always maintained it is not really a bonifide romance unless and until you both meet face to face. Until then it's the possibility of a relationship without enough foundation in reality to warrant strong feelings. Those people who love to blur the line between reality and fantasy will get hurt, I mean its not even a "might get hurt." So here is THE SCOOP on internet romance -- meet early on when there appears to be mutual interest or sign up for a mutually accepted and co-authored fantasy that is NEVER going anywhere. Anything in between is down right dishonest. As Shakespeare said: "Oh, the tangled webs we weave when first we practice to deceive" -- maybe that's why its called THE WEB! :eek: LOL

[rn23]

look... im not going to say you can't find someone to care about by methods that are outside of "old", traditional dating...

but its time to stop the "i love her so desperately with all my being that i just can't make it without her...did i mention i love her so much" talk...

really, its tiring and a sign of immature emotional stability. dont get me wrong, a lot of people go through this to some extent or another... but you sound like a 16 year old kid who has never been in love.

heres the reality. most of us lose a love somewhere along the way. it hurts. it sucks. you feel like crap for a time. then you pick yourself up and try not to make the same mistakes again.

you sound like you are desperate and obsessing a little (3-4 hours a day??? really? a bit over the top, for me)... thats not a good sign for the relationship.

so you know what you have to do. do it. stop asking what to do next. you know. do it. like now.

no... I am not 16 years boy. I am 23 years old and you this is my very first love... and I don't want to loose the girl who has taught me to live life, who has made so good.. as I was very different before.. today watever I am is all because of her love... you I am sounding stupid emotional fool... I was just opposite of this, she made me understand the valuse of life.. of love.. and she made me to work.. and today I am in very good business of software development... so that's it. Anyway.. I going to tell the truth.. wish the best will come for me...

[talaniman]

The first one tend to be the hardest, but at least see her in person before you do the stupid, young, emotional, fool thing.

[chuff]

i found a girl on a dating site, she is from different country.

What does that mean? Your from Detroit, Michigan USA and she’s from Windsor Ontario, Canada (for those reading outside the US and Canada those two cities are right next to each other, similar if not same culture). Or does that mean your from the USA and she’s from Russia (No where close to each other and completely different cultures, you should probably already know that). Is this girl from a completely different culture or similar cultures.

we started talking and she asked me my photo. i was not serious about the friendship, so i gave fake photo to her.

Oh who? A model, your friend?

days passed and we came very close to each other.

After days?

i started thinking of her. coz she is the one with all qualities in her.

All the qualities of what? Is she looking to get married to leave a third world country? How do you know she’s not telling you what you want to hear?

and i was scared to show my real photo to her... i am scared that she will leave me by saying cheater.

While your not going out so you didn’t cheat. Lie yeah. Cheat no.

we both fall in love withother.

Your infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.

a true love, we talk daily for 3-4 hours.

That’s way to long. Your going to run out of things to talk about when this infatuation wears off.

we love each other a lot.

Your infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.

even if we dnt talk for a day we feel missing somethng.

First you feel it. Not we, but you. Second then fill your life with meaningful things besides each other.

its been now a year we knw each other.

And you’ve never met? People act different in person then they do online.

we are sure we love each other so much.

Your infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.

now i am ina plan to meet her. we are even planning to get engagged when we will meet.

Why? Where are you writing from. Are you in a industrialized wealthy nation and she’s not but looking for citizenship? Why would you get engaged after the first meeting?

i love her more than anythng.

You infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.

i love her more than my life. and even she loves me the same...

That’s huge problem right there. If you love her more than your own life then you really need to work on thinking a little more about yourself. That one sentence leads me to believe that she’s using you for something. And if she isn’t she sure could. If you love her more than yourself then she has all your power. Mind you, YOU’VE NEVER EVEN MET THIS WOMAN!! You’ve never even met her and you’ve given her all your power.

but still she dsnt know my real face. now i have to show my real photo. i am not a lier, i am not a cheater. i consider this as a mistake.. and just because i am scared to loose her... what will happen when i will tell her its not me in the photo you have, i am scared, i dont want to loose my love

You won’t lose your love. You might lose your infatuation. You might lose your source of attention. You won’t lose your source of love. There is none here.

That being said, she’s using you for something, perhaps money, perhaps citizenship so your not going to lose her would be my guess. She act all upset for a couple of days, you’ll apologize and probably offer some kind of huge gift for this mistake and she’ll have you right where she wants you.

... my love is my life...

No. Your life is your life. Your love is part of your life.

is not like i am not good looking.. i am good looking and has good personality. but i love her more than anythng.. i dont want to loose her.. what will be her reaction:confused:

She’ll be upset then realize that she’s invested all this time into getting you this far so she’ll probably be upset for a couple of days.

I’m sorry if I’m way off base here but I think your about to get used badly. You’ve given her all your power and devotion and you’ve never met her. She has your wrapped around her finger without so much as ever having to even give you a hug. Come on. That isn’t healthy at all. I’m really worried this woman is going to take everything from you and leave you with nothing. Take a step back and see this for what it is.

[Geoffersonairplane]

Hi,

I don't understand your rating of my answer/response..

Rating: agrees: I don't know why.. but there are many reasons... may be no one will read it as I have read the suggestion.. Thanks a ton buddy

How have you interpreted my answer?

And what reasons are you referring too? Maybe I can help push you into the right direction with some further advice..

[rn23]

What does that mean? Your from Detroit, Michigan USA and she’s from Windsor Ontario, Canada (for those reading outside the US and Canada those two cities are right next to each other, similar if not same culture). Or does that mean your from the USA and she’s from Russia (No where close to each other and completely different cultures, you should probably already know that). Is this girl from a completely different culture or similar cultures.



Oh who? A model, your friend?



After days?



All the qualities of what? Is she looking to get married to leave a third world country? How do you know she’s not telling you what you want to hear?



While your not going out so you didn’t cheat. Lie yeah. Cheat no.



Your infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.



That’s way to long. Your going to run out of things to talk about when this infatuation wears off.



Your infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.



First you feel it. Not we, but you. Second then fill your life with meaningful things besides each other.



And you’ve never met? People act different in person then they do online.



Your infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.



Why? Where are you writing from. Are you in a industrialized wealthy nation and she’s not but looking for citizenship? Why would you get engaged after the first meeting?



You infatuated. You like the attention. Not love.



That’s huge problem right there. If you love her more than your own life then you really need to work on thinking a little more about yourself. That one sentence leads me to believe that she’s using you for something. And if she isn’t she sure could. If you love her more than yourself then she has all your power. Mind you, YOU’VE NEVER EVEN MET THIS WOMAN!!!!! You’ve never even met her and you’ve given her all your power.



You won’t lose your love. You might lose your infatuation. You might lose your source of attention. You won’t lose your source of love. There is none here.

That being said, she’s using you for something, perhaps money, perhaps citizenship so your not going to lose her would be my guess. She act all upset for a couple of days, you’ll apologize and probably offer some kind of huge gift for this mistake and she’ll have you right where she wants you.



No. Your life is your life. Your love is part of your life.



She’ll be upset then realize that she’s invested all this time into getting you this far so she’ll probably be upset for a couple of days.

I’m sorry if I’m way off base here but I think your about to get used badly. You’ve given her all your power and devotion and you’ve never met her. She has your wrapped around her finger without so much as ever having to even give you a hug. Come on. That isn’t healthy at all. I’m really worried this woman is going to take everything from you and leave you with nothing. Take a step back and see this for what it is.

Oh noway... I know her very well... even I had talked with her mom dad.. I hve saw her house on webcam. I have talked with her friends, I know her college. Noway she is not like that, and.. don't say anythng negative about her, I really appreciate your help, your advise and you are telling me because you have seen all those. But trust me she os not that girl... I think I am sounding stupid emotional fool.. but this is what I am. And she is true.. all from her heart...

[chuff]

oh noway... i know her very well... even i had talked with her mom dad.. i hve saw her house on webcam. i have talked with her friends, i know her college. noway she is not like that, and .. dont say anythng negative about her, i really appreciate your help, your advise and u r telling me coz u have seen all those. but trust me she os not that girl... i think i am sounding stupid emotional fool.. but this is what i am. and she is true.. all from her heart...

None of that addressed my original questions to you. Why? I'm serious when I ask that too. It comes off as though your in denial or afraid to address some tough questions.

What does seeing her house on a web cam prove? What does talking to her parents prove? What about all the questions from my first post? What about all the other questions other posters have brought up trying to help you out here?