[rahultann]

Dear readers I am seriously suffering the bad phase of my life... I got married to my wife in a situation wher she stood against everybody to get me.., and after 2 yrs of my marriage.. I found out a strange behaviour of hers and I started spying her.. I got to know she is meeting a guy and kisses him, and went with him different places out of some where she had been with me.., atlast after keeping patience and thinking about talking to her,. it was too late.. 15 may 2010 I had a severe tooth ache which I wasn't able to bear and I had never been to a dentist, so finally at 4.30 eve I called her and she didn't take my call.. I alone went to the dentist as I was under treatment I switched off my phones , and when I moved out from the dentist I got a call from the person whom I had hired to follow her.. told me that he was calling me sice hrs but my cell was switched off, I asked what happened,. he said your wife was in a hotel room with her boyfriend, and from there they came out as a couple and went for a dinner and drinked together ad than she left for home... tears rolled from my eyes, and I could sleep for a second, tat night I consumed alcohol like anything, but was awake, than it turned in morning, and I woke her up it was Sunday.., and I very politely started asking her things on which first she denied,, And she admitted that she left office saying that I am met with an accident,, and she started crying, I asked her y, she started crying, I told her I am rich,. I gave you everything, full librty.., tremendous love, abundant trust.., and when I saw the pic of tat guy he was nt eevensuch whom I can appoint as my pa.. I started crying, and I just told her that I have worshipped you always.. than why did you do this,. she said I didn't have sex with him, I was in periods,, I asked her why did you go to a hotel room, she again said I swear on you hubby I didn't have sex, I asked her did you go to make omlett in the room, she said I gave him blow jobs.., listening her, a current passed my body,. and I just move out of home it was 9 in morning and I went to the beach and sat with a bottle of alcohol, finished, I just know onething I was life for her, and I coudnt imagine a day without seeing her, now, after this,. I am broken down badly,, I am gone nuts unable to even work,. suggest,, should I be mentally strong and divorce her or, as she is begging where will I go, and give her a chance

[Devorameira]

The big question is, “will she cheat again? It’s a big issue. I always felt like the adage “Once a cheater, always a cheater” was true and would prefer to tell you to leave the relationship entirely, but the decision to stay or go is up to you. I’m sure you’re devastated and feel torn, like you want to take her back but feel like it is a point of pride not to.

If you decide to give her another chance, be certain that she’s truly remorseful and regrets having cheated or it’ll never work. Look for heartfelt apologies that ring true when you hear them.

If she doesn’t show a renewed appreciation and devotion towards you, and if you don’t have deep, open and honest conversations with each other about your relationship and what was missing in it and where you’d like to take it in the future... it’ll never work.

You both might try counseling. Maybe if you can get to the route of the problem, things will work out.

[adam_89]

If I was you I would be out of that relationship quicker than you could say anything really. Like Devorameira said, once a cheater, always a cheater. It seems to be this way. Maybe not all of them but just my opinion. If you think it can be saved then try and salvage it. If you think there will be future problems from this then get out now.

[positiveparent]

I believe that everyone deserves a 2nd chance, however that's just me. ( Not sure if I would extend this in regards to adultery)

However I also know its much harder for males than females to forgive infidelity, blow job or full on sex its still adultery, its still a betrayal..

You need to stop drinking alcohol, clear your head and be alone with your thoughts and ask yourself if you think you are capable of forgiving her, could you remain in the relationship knowing what she's done and not keep throwing it in her face each time you argue.

I say this because if you are going to forgive her then this is what it really means, you can't say I forgive you, and yet anytime she doesn't do something that you're happy about you go throwing it back at her, that's not forgiving its getting back at her, and if that's what you'll end up doing you would be much better off cutting your losses now and moving on, because all that is going to serve is to make you both miserable.

So you need to make a decision. Take your time though. There's no rush, It also takes a lot of weighing up the pros and cons of the relationship you had with her.

Good Luck, and I hope you choose wisely...

[symptomatic]

Why are you hanging around asking questions , if she cheated once then given the same circumstances she will do it again , get out of there now while you can , don't be nasty about it as it will do both of you harm and many sleepless nights , just leave as quickly and quietly as you can . I did and have never regretted it for one moment.

[Jake2008]

I am really sorry that this has happened to you.

An affair comes in many colours. Sometimes it's a one night stand, nothing planned, just too much booze and too much fun, and one thing leads to another, and nobody bothers to put the brakes on until its too late.

Remorse, depression, confession, sincere effort to communicate what happened, and why it will never happen again. Being considerate of the emotional hell the partner is going through, and a willingness to attend counselling, and work hard through the aftermath, to get back on track again. To me, that kind of situation could work itself out.

What your wife did was not 'just' a huge mistake and lapse in character for a brief, meaningless moment in time.

She was having a full blown affair behind your back. The kind of person that would do that, male or female, is a morally bankrupt, selfish person, who cares only about their own agenda. And I do mean agenda.

Think about it. The texts, the phone calls, the arrangements- where, when, for how long, making sure you are otherwise occupied, then returning home to you without so much as a blink of guilt.

This isn't so much about her doing the bj's, it is more the type of person she really is. She is that person whether she slept with him five times, or 500 times. Always the same agenda, fine tuned to work around you, work around the marriage, and do what she wants to do.

Had you not hired a PI to get to the truth, she would never have confessed, and even when she was found out, she minimized what she had done as though it was just a little fling that meant nothing. That is the type of person she is. The next thing is she will probably start blaming you for her needing to do what she did. I hope you don't fall for that old line.

So can she change? Can you trust her to change? Is she able to suddenly put value on her vows, and forever love you the way you loved her?

Only you can decide that.

[positiveparent]

After reading Jakes post Im inclined to agree, she didn't care about anyone other than herself, she's not worthy of you, cut your losses and get over her, it won't be easy but I think its got to be easier than look into the face of a woman who brazenly and calculatingly betrayed you, and did it in a planned and schemed manner.

I think she's beyond help...

[talaniman]

You deserve all the time and space you need to sober up and figure out your next move.

The thing to consider in my book, is that though you had suspicions, and found out the truth, there is no telling how long this has been going on, or how long it would have gone on had you not had her followed.

When you go to those lengths, and get those results, I think you deserve to be free of her and lick your wounds. However long that takes.

Love ain't enough to excuse that kind of bad behavior. For me at least.

[rahultann]

Hey positiveparent is there anyway we can chat,, u know what, 0503 hrs in india I am still awake with tears in my eyes... is there anyway we can get in touch,, I have not yet discussed to anyone and I cant, I am going nuts

[positiveparent]

The only way you could contact me is to click on my profile user name and choose to either send me a PM message or you can send a message to my email through this site.

Other than this you cannot contact me via chat as far as I know.

Feel free to PM me though.

The link here might help you.

Relationships: ForgiveForget