Check out some similar questions!

lena1024 · Jun 20, 2010, 06:34 PM

I'm not sure how to get over my ex. I've already implemented the NC rules and actually did most of that before I found this website. The hardest part for me has been knowing that he is now in a relationship with a girl he was cheating on me with. Apparently he's been seeing her for months and cheated on me several times over the 6 years we were together. It hurts me that he was so cruel, abusive and plain evil to me and yet he gets to move on and be happy with someone else. Yet, I gave him every bit of my love, support and encouragement only to be cast aside like trash. How do I get over that? I miss him so much sometimes but thinking of him with another woman kills me inside, I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach. It just doesn't seem fair that I'm alone when I gave everything to him and to the relationship and he's with someone after being so horrible to me. How do I get over someone who is obviously no good for me and completely toxic. I've been tempted to text him, sometimes to tell him what a creep he's been and sometimes to tell him I miss him and still love him... but I haven't. Usually what I do is call a friend and ask them to help me avoid contacting him. But I work nights and when it's really quiet and I have no work all I can do is think of him. This nc thing is excruciatingly difficult but I know it's the best way to move forward. I'm in so much pain. It's only been 3 weeks since I moved out but he told me 3 months ago that he wanted out. I'm afraid I will never love again because when men come onto me it literally makes me nauseous and terrifies me, will I be so jaded that I'll be alone forever? BTW I should mention that I have never been dumped in my life. Usually I'm the one who ends the relationship so this is a first for me, I don't know how to deal with this pain.

talaniman · Jun 20, 2010, 06:56 PM

It will take time, and some hard work on your part but you will recover and be better for the experience and the insights you will gain, but it will hurt for a while, so read the stickies at the front of this forum and do what all of us do when we get dumped and hurt.

Welcome to the club, you are not alone.

valkman98 · Jun 20, 2010, 07:57 PM

Time a big bunch of it right now and NC will make it better. Yes it will suck for awhile but that will pass too. Talaniman is 100% .

Kitkat22 · Jun 20, 2010, 08:05 PM

Originally Posted by valkman98

Time a big bunch of it right now and NC will make it better. Yes it will suck for awhile but that will pass too. Talaniman is 100% .

Think of the horrible way he treated you and how you are so lucky not to be in this toxic relationship anymore. He's a jerk and the sooner you realize that and move on you'll look back and think "I'm so glad I got away from him".

The new girlfriend will find that out soon enough and by that time I hope to goodness you don't go back. Work on liking yourself and find friends to spend time with. Hope you are better in a few days and you will be... Kit:)

parisrose · Jun 20, 2010, 09:59 PM

You said all these evil things that he did to you, then you say how you miss him so much. Even if he dumped this girl and wanted to get back with you, it wouldn't work. You shouldn't even want to get back with him, you deserve SO much better. He killed the trust in your relationship, there are lots of guys who will treat you how you deserve to be treated, go find him!!

pandead · Jun 20, 2010, 10:15 PM

NC is hard and painful indeed, but it pays at the end. You have to be patient. A lot of us feel the same way you do, including myself. After all they have done, a word, a picture found in your computer, here you go again, missing something you really shouldn't. We tend to remember the good times and I agree with parisrose here, would you even feel comfortable if you were back to him, knowing you can't trust him?

Reading the stickies over and over again, coming here, talking to people helps me a lot. You mentioned you were used to be the one ending the relationships, ask yourself if it's not your hurt pride taking over your feelings. You will be surprised to see how strong you are. NC is the way to go if you want to heal... Don't rush and don't freak out, it's too early to feel comfortable near another man right now so what you feel is normal. Stay calm, don't listen to your impulsions and if you ever feel the urge, we are here. Good luck!

Kitkat22 · Jun 20, 2010, 10:26 PM

Don't grieve for someone who has treated you so badly. If he comes back and you go back into a relationship with him,you're asking to get burned.

He's verbally and emotionally abused you and I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't become physically abusive to you in the past.

Don't go back down that road.

ZoeMarie · Jun 20, 2010, 10:36 PM

Well his new girlfriend is an sucker. He might be happy with her now but what's to stop him from cheating on her now or down the road? She'll learn sooner or later. You're doing the right thing by calling your friends and talking about it rather than texting him. Get as much distance as you possibly can.

Kitkat22 · Jun 20, 2010, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by ZoeMarie

Well his new girlfriend is an sucker. He might be happy with her now but what's to stop him from cheating on her now or down the road? She'll learn sooner or later. You're doing the right thing by calling your friends and talking about it rather than texting him. Get as much distance as you possibly can.

This is great advice!

positiveparent · Jun 21, 2010, 07:48 AM

I understand that you feel wronged, you have been but whatever you put into a relationship should be unconditional and its partly why you feel so hurt, you gave to the relationship with conditions, and they weren't met, he's cheated on you and this hurts you which is understandable.

You're doing good with the NC if you were to contact him again you would merely be re-opening the wounds and invalidating all the good you've done by remaining in NC.

Calling a friend is a good idea keep doing that.

When you're feeling down and hurting try to remind yourself of what he did, and that in real terms you've been let out of something that was not doing you or yourself esteem any good. Just keep telling yourself I am worth more, I am good I am better off without this cheater.

In time you'll find the right man for you, and when you do you'll be glad you got away from this other man, who had no respect for you.

It hurts I know but remember whatever hurts us makes us stronger, and its all character building stuff that will serve you well in any future relationship.

Plus you deserve more much more and in time you'll get it.

Hold on and keep doing as you are you'll get there.

Kitkat22 · Jun 21, 2010, 10:13 AM

Just chalk this up to a very bad experience and thank God you're out of it.

lena1024 · Jun 21, 2010, 08:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

He's verbally and emotionally abused you and I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't become physically abusive to you in the past.

Don't go back down that road.

Kitkat you're right... he was physically abusive as well, at one point I really believed he was trying to kill me, he through me onto the sofa then started to choke me. I'm a determined strong woman so I never backed down to him and I fought back which at first I thought he respected me for it but toward the end I think he was angry about it because he couldn't control me.

Anyway, I know in my head you're all right about NC being the best route and I know I'm doing the right thing... at least my head knows that, it's my heart that can't stop wanting him back. I wish I could get my heart to the same level my head is in but I guess that will take time and patience. Patience is a trait I have never possessed.

Thank you all so much. Visiting this forum has been a salvation for my heart.

Kitkat22 · Jun 21, 2010, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by lena1024

Kitkat you're right...he was physically abusive as well, at one point I really believed he was trying to kill me, he through me onto the sofa then started to choke me. I'm a determined strong woman so I never backed down to him and I fought back which at first I thought he respected me for it but toward the end I think he was angry about it because he couldn't control me.

Anyway, I know in my head you're all right about NC being the best route and I know I'm doing the right thing...at least my head knows that, it's my heart that can't stop wanting him back. I wish I could get my heart to the same level my head is in but I guess that will take time and patience. Patience is a trait I have never possessed.

Thank you all so much. Visiting this forum has been a salvation for my heart.

Lena... abusers do not change. I was married to one many years ago.
I got out after abuse you could never imagine. No they don't change.
Listen to me... even after all that horrible, humiliating period in my life when I did leave, I actually missed him .

That's part of the abuse, they tell you no one else will want you and they make you feel you are the one is wrong and after a while you start to think maybe I am at fault. They brainwash you and finally you're free and you still second guess yourself.

Don't ever let him do that to you again. You are someone! You are a good person and you are special. Like me you just picked the wrong guy. I met a wonderful man several years after my Divorce and we have been married a long time. The pain will go away. He hasn't crushed your spirit... God Bless You

positiveparent · Jun 21, 2010, 08:35 PM

I too was married to an abuser, and it almost cost me my life, he went to stab me, I grabbed the knife and luckily for me seeing the blood spurting out of my hand stopped him from carrying on.

So if you've been in an abusive relationship, then you've had a lucky escape.

I understand how hard it is to get over a relationship even a bad one, but you will find it does get easier, day by day you'll get over it, and look back and realise that you too had a lucky escape.

Abusers don't love their victims,
So don't be a victim be a survivor like I am, this will pass...

Lucky098 · Jun 21, 2010, 09:02 PM

6 years is a long time. You have every right to feel completely crushed, mad, and lonely.

More then likely the reason he moved on so fast is because the relationship was over long before he broke up with you. It was probably over the first time he cheated on you. He may have corrected his behavior THEN, but the relationship just wasn't strong enough to keep him around.

Just think.. he'll probably cheat on the girl he's with now. Quite honestly, I think the people who constantly cheat on people aren't very happy people in the first place. Mostly with themselves. People who are true to themselves and respect others don't cheat.

Stay strong! I wish I could give you a hug right now!

Its going to take awhile to get over this. Don't expect it to go away within a couple of months. It may be a couple of years before you feel ready to put yourself into another relationship. Don't rush yourself. Rushing yourself will only make you more miserable.

Take this time to miss him. Take this time to reflect on all the good times and all the bad times. Take this time to find yourself again and find what makes you happy. Build strong relationships with your friends again. Spend some money on yourself :) Just heal.

As for the guys who hit on you.. Just forget about them. All guys are opportunists.. They're probably excited your single! When you start to feel a bit better about yourself, maybe go on a no strings attatched date. Maybe do a double date. But only when you feel as if your ready.

All those feelings will go away. Just let the pain take its course. Everything gets worse before it gets better.

Good luck :)

Kitkat22 · Jun 21, 2010, 09:35 PM

Originally Posted by Lucky098

6 years is a long time. You have every right to feel completely crushed, mad, and lonely.

More then likely the reason he moved on so fast is because the relationship was over long before he broke up with you. It was probably over the first time he cheated on you. He may have corrected his behavior THEN, but the relationship just wasnt strong enough to keep him around.

Just think.. he'll probably cheat on the girl he's with now. Quite honestly, I think the people who constantly cheat on people arent very happy people in the first place. Mostly with themselves. People who are true to themselves and respect others dont cheat.

Stay strong! I wish I could give you a hug right now!

Its going to take awhile to get over this. Dont expect it to go away within a couple of months. It may be a couple of years before you feel ready to put yourself into another relationship. Dont rush yourself. Rushing yourself will only make you more miserable.

Take this time to miss him. Take this time to reflect on all the good times and all the bad times. Take this time to find yourself again and find what makes you happy. Build strong relationships with your friends again. Spend some money on yourself :) Just heal.

As for the guys who hit on you.. Just forget about them. All guys are opportunists.. They're probably excited your single! When you start to feel a bit better about yourself, maybe go on a no strings attatched date. Maybe do a double date. But only when you feel as if your ready.

All those feelings will go away. Just let the pain take its course. Everything gets worse before it gets better.

Good luck :)

Lena stay strong. We're here for you! You can do this!

positiveparent · Jun 22, 2010, 06:36 PM

Yes I agree with Kit you can always come here when it gets too hard to bear, We are happy to help you through this in anyway we can.

You're not alone, and you're a darn sight better than that love rat ex of yours.

He will get his come uppance...

You've one thing he`ll never have and that's Integrity...

Kitkat22 · Jun 22, 2010, 06:39 PM

The best revenge is when he finds out how badly he messed up and you have moved on! The shoe will be on the other foot!

positiveparent · Jun 22, 2010, 06:43 PM

Or up his backside , lol

You'll find your mr right, and it'll be worth every pain or heart break you've experienced.

lena1024 · Jun 22, 2010, 08:32 PM

Wow! Thank you all so much for your encouraging words and for sharing your stories with me. Every time I start to feel lonely or just plain crazy for missing him, I come here and start to feel so much better. I can't express how much this site has helped me. I will get through this with plenty of time.