[Csadie8]

Hello, my name is Sarah. I am having a difficult time right now. Then man I'm in love with, and thought was in love with me, has broken up with me. We had our communication problems at times, but everything seemed OK. We spoke everyday... and saw each other all the time. He spoke of marriage in the future, told me he loved me everyday, seemed to care about me deeply. The only problem this guy had with our relationship is his need for "alone" time... he works hard and plays hard. But, at times he needed to just be alone. And my sensitive cancer self... sometimes took it personally.

This Monday he broke up with me after a misunderstanding over the phone the night before. He thought I was trying to "control" him or something. The only thing I did was ask what he was doing after a race he was watching. He was having one of his nights... where he'd just like to be alone for a while. I jokingly talked pouted and asked again. He took this as me trying to "guilt trip" him into something. I wasn't trying to do so. But, it got blown out of proportion. He went on about how he never gets to do anything with his brother... which I had talked with him about. And he said that he can do stuff when his brother when he feels like it... and said sometimes he'd just rather be with me. So... I was supportive of his need to be with his family. I was supportive of everything he needed... as much as I could.

Why then... did he not call the whole next day? And when I wrote him an email... he finally answered with "part of me does want to be with you, but my practical side says it wont work. Im sorry, but Im callin' em as I see 'em. You want me to be honest, right? You are a very sweet, caring person and you deserve to be with someone who has more time for you. I just dont think Im that person at this point....................." He was focusing on the time he thinks I need...

But, in an IM he said that he's been having these feelings for a while... but they've been shaky. So, he's been feeling uncertain about us. There's this communication problem. Which is something we were working on... and pretty well until that night. I told him that I was hurt, not angry with him. And that I still wish there was something I could do to change it. I haven't really been myself lately... stressed with work, my child, etc. to which he answered "maybe were not ready for eachother right now..." I think he may also have issues because my daughter's father and I get along well... for the sake of our child. He even made a comment once "Are you sure you are over him? You talk about him alot." And I know that bothered him quite a bit. I DO NOT want her father back AT ALL. But, he will forever be a big part of "our" lives. And I told him I didn't want to lose him because I care about him and I feel so comfortable that I could tell him anything... and did. Which I guess got me in trouble in the EX dept. And I told him I'd still want him as a friend. But there's this wall there. And he said let time see what kind of wall it is... and that he wishes there wasn't one. But there are these things I want to tell him... about how I feel... and I just can't. B/C it's a "no-no". Then at the end of the conversation he says "goodnight, babe"... to which I told him was a little "too" nice. And he agreed not to do that anymore and that he was sorry.


I guess what I'm getting at... at not so swift a pace... is that I wonder if there is a chance for us. Either now or in the future. I love him very much... and I hate to see this end. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me in a relationship sense.

Sorry this was so long... I just felt I should at least give some background to my question.

Could there ever be a "time" for us? I'm moving on as best I can... I even have a date this weekend to help ease my mind a little. Or RATHER, get my mind off him a little.

Thanks bunches,
Sarah

[Csadie8]

Ok... noone has responded, but I have new information to add to this. Maybe someone will eventually give me some feedback. I could really use it.

Well, Thursday night he contacted me via YIM. He wrote that he saw me that day at the post office (he works across the street) and everything came flooding back. How he treated me during this whole thing... and he said how he couldn't leave for this trip without telling me just how sorry he was. He said that he was "sorry for being hardheaded when ending this, so blinded by the fact that i wasnt being pushed around that i totally took your needs and opinions and completely disregarded them.............and i treated you that way.........and I'm sorry" Then we talked a little more about what caused all of this... He said "i had one feeling pulling me one way and the other pulling me in another direction...i dont know...........i didnt want to deal with pressure i think/thought was/is there...i feel like i treated the whole thing like a d***" And I told him that he did... but it was something I had to deal with. Anyway... we ended up talking on the phone. This is where he told me that from the moment he met me he could feel himself losing control. He wanted to jump in head first... and knowing himself... the other part of his brain has begun saying "no....TOO FAST". And he was talking about how he has had to detatch himself from the situation to get perspective or whatever. I asked him if this had to do with wanting someone else and he said "NO....god no...I was just too much..." He doesn't know if it's just because he so much going on right now or what. He was feeling like he was being pulled in a million directions.

We got off the subject a little and were talking about what the weekend held for us. He began talking about this trip up to MO he had to take to go see his brother graduate from high school... how he was going to be sitting in a hot gym all night because they have a huge graduating class. AND not to worry that he won't be having any fun either... EITHER?! I don't know about him. But, I had to get my mind off everything and accepted a date. So... I ended up spending my Saturday riding rides at an amusement park, having dinner, and riding go-carts and playing mini-golf. It was great for me... to get out of this house. I don't anticipate anything happening between me and this guy... but it was a great diversion. Anyway... back to my story... we were winding down the conversation. He asked if it woul dbe OK if he dropped me a line via YIM when he got back Sunday. I told him that it would be OK with me if he wanted to. He said that he would probably do that then. Then he was telling me to have a good weekend... and that he loved me... then he started stumbling over his I'm sorry's and said that he had to go. I just sat there for a sec... and told him to drive safely and to have a goodnight.


THAT WAS SO HARD... but I couldn't say it back (I guess my pride would allow it... or fear)... and I couldn't punish him for saying it. I don't know if it was sincere, a force of habit, a freudian slip, or what?! Oh, well... only time will tell, I suppose! I just wish that someone could give me some advice.

[strucdown]

I don't have any real advice for you.. My ex and I had had an on and off relationship for years until recently. I figured out how great she was, but only after a very long period and she is "done".. and moving on.. it's "too late" for us.
I hope this isn't the beginning of a on and off thing for you.. but keep us (me) posted.. I'm interested in h0ow other people do these things..
I'm all messed up and don't know what to think anymore.

[chaz1797]

You know if it was meant to be then it will happen, at least he was honest and told you how he feels, give him time, maybe he's confused and will realize that he made a mistake, if not then you have to move on, you can't change of how a person is, you can either accept it or move on. Love can be hard at times, but it also is important for you to know this now and not when you've made a commitment for life with this person and everything turn sour.

God bless and good luck
Chaz if you have any other questions let me know :)