[icequeen88]

Ok, this is kind of long, I didn't really know how to put it into words:

I met a guy over 2 months ago from Bronx,NY. He is like 2yrs OLDER than me and was sent to my city to live with his grandparents and go to a trade school near my area to better himself. He has been living in my city for over six months. Anyway, when I started to date him, he acted inexperienced (in my opinion). For example, when I went to the movies with him, I looked really attractive and he seemed intimidated and scared when others guys looked at me. He even walked through the door in front of me without being a gentlemen. Then later on he revealed how he never really been on a real date. I tried to overlook those signs and give him a chance but he started in beg me for sex a week later which made me feel very uncomfortable. He would say things like "do you want to see it? I got condoms, we can go in the bathroom," ignorant things. When I told him how disrescpectful he was, and how I'm not that type of female, he apologized saying that he never really been in a relationship, and in his city, the girls were fast and he always spoke straightforward when talking to them. He even said how he hadn't had sex in 6 months. But I was thinking, SO WHAT! That didn't have anything to do with me.

Anyway, he began to try to change his ways and improve his behavior after I tried to date him more. But then he was putting his grandparents in our business. He had to use his grandfathers car because he didn't have one, and he shared a phone with his grandfather.

Furthermore, I dumped him 2 months later. The reason why I been didn't do it is because I really liked him and was giving him a chance. He had gotten a job, then started trying to talk right, but the problem is that I felt as if I was teaching him. When we continued to try to go out, he would get lost on the road, or sometimes he would say something immature. For example, one time I said I like mayonaise on my sandwich, he would say something like "Oh really? you like mayonaise huh? U like that?" you know, thinking negative. He would even say things like "C'mon lets just in the backseat," crazy things that I wasn't used to that was making me angry. It's like he didn't know how to talk right or turn a woman on. His ways didn't really change and I felt as if I was torturing myself trying to be his girlfriend and teaching him knowing that if he didn't know how to treat me at first, there was no reason for me to date him in the first place. So, anyway, So I dumped him and I want to know if I was wrong for not trying to give him a chance because he was trying to change, but he still had his ways. He even texted me saying "I don't need you to guide me, I just need you as a second conscience, I'm young. Aren't I allowed to make mistakes.etc." It's like he showed a weakness as if he don't have his own mind, He doesn't even notice the ignorant things he says and it's like he needed me to correct him and I was not going to contnue to be with someone like that or even give my body to him. What is your opinion?

[Enigma1999]

Hello Icequeen,

Well, for me, I had dated inexperienced men before... None that acted like that though.

There is a difference between being inexperienced and being immature!

For example, if he has either been with only one person or is a virgin, that's OK. You can teach him what you like. Then there is being immature, (which he sounds like) by saying, "C'mon, lets go in the backseat"

Either way, it sounds as if you made the right choice. I am not trying to judge him, it just sounds as if there was no connection between the two of you. It sounds as if you need someone more stimulating intellectually.

Does that make sense?

[Gemini54]

Sounds as if there were to many differences in attitude, culture and values to make it work. He probably meant well, but I suspect he's not meant for you.

You want to feel like your partner is your equal not your baby brother!

Sounds like he's socially inept as well as immature.

[talaniman]

You tried, it didn't work, so move on, and so will he. Bet he learned something. Weird behavior gets you dumped.

[Showme_urmove]

You did the right thing. You gave him a chance not once but many times but at the end of the day you're the only one ending up pulling your hair out. Hey the positive side you had a good experience from it. Don't be to hard on yourself, be happy his gone and now you can focus on what you want to do.

[amicon]

See it as a learning experience,for both of you.

Just move on with your own life and leave him to,hopefully,grow up.

[icequeen88]

Thank you all for your opinions. I know I did the right thing by leaving him because I feel much more relieved. He was not the one for me, we were on two different levels. Hopefully he takes the knowledge I taught him and grow from it.

[talaniman]

He taught you something too. He showed you how far your willing to go before you throw in the towel, and people are not so easy to change, or grow for that matter, and they seldom will change and be better, no matter how bad you want them to, or how many chances you give them to change.

That's a good thing to help YOU grow.

[Kitkat22]

Goodbye.. so long.. good riddance.
You did the right thing.

[icequeen88]

Threads merged

Me and my ex had a bitter break up:mad:. It was a lot of games going on (on his end at the end) because he was a resentful person. I guess he still had anger towards me for fussing and dumping him once before and after I apologized, he pretended he forgave me and tried to dog me out then leave. He never liked me to get angry at him whenever he was wrong, its like whenever I deserved to express my anger for something bad he did, he would get mad, hang up and ignore me. How childish is that! Plus he hung with his brother and best friends more than me.
Anyway he changed his number after playing games with me. He got mad because I peeped his game, and got him back one time before he left which confused/scared the heck out of him to make him scared to play on me again.
Anyway, when he changed his number I felt like trash:confused:. I felt like he had gotten the best of me and made me look lower than him when Im so much better. Im smart, very pretty, I got a degree and going after another one etc. Im a lot of guys dream. All he does is work and he dropped out out college after 10months. Anyway, I had loved him dearly. He was my first real relationship and I loved him soooooo much. Anyway, I felt like I showed a lot of weakness and desperateness when it was all love... and he took advange and ran with it when all I wanted to do was just make it work.
Two weeks after he changed his number I found out he had a myspage (he didn't think I knew about it) and he had a little girl on his top. She looked young like she was 17/18 (fresh out of HS) and he's in his mid twenties, I'm in my EARLY early twenties.
Anyway the girl lives in the northern part of our state in another city which is like six hours away and it was the same city he went to right after we had a 9day separation. He said he was going to a funeral after we got back in contact, but the comments she left on his pictures was how she "loved him, she misses him, he's her man, don't show off your body that's only for me to see," etc. :eek: I guess he went to visit friends and got a girl up there too. Seeing that tore my heart so bad because I loved that guy with all my heart and for him to just walk out on me because of small conflicts it hurted.
So I sent him a message saying how I couldn't believe he was dealing with someone else when we communicated and that when I asked him was he dating someone else he should have told me and that he is unfaithful and stupid etc. I also called the girl a ugly hoe (sorry excuse my language). I also thought I was pregnant at the time and mentioned that als, I also mentioned how I was going to tell his parents on him because I was tired of his mess and felt like he was acting like a child. But I really wasn't going to tell his parents if I really was pregnant though... I just wanted to scare him and never write back again. He just read the messsgae the next day and never responded. He just continued to get on myspace for 2 weeks straight waiting on me to write again but I never did(when we were dating, he never got on myspace. He didn't care about it).

LET ME EXPRESS HIS PERSONALITY MORE: HE was the weird type and always ran from problems. For example: one time my sister saw him hanging with some disrespectful girls in their college class and told me how he let them use him to copy his work and they used profanity when they talked to him. He was a very proper guy and that made me mad because whenever we got into an argument and I made a mistake and said a curse word, he would make a big deal! But when they did, he just jumped like a fool! I got mad and argued at him about it, he apologized and then he never went back to the class. Its like he rather failed that class because he feared that going back and ignoring them from disrespecting him was so hard to do. He never knew I knew he ddn't go back.

BACK TO THE STORY: Anyway.. Nearly over 3 months past since the myspace message and I haven't heard from him. I don't want him because of how he's treated me, but I can't seem to erase my feelings and hurt for him. It's like I think about the sex we had because it was great and he gave me my first orgasm. We shared a lot together. My hurt got worse ever since he recently fot a Facebook, he popped up as a suggested friend(we have no friends,schools,workplace NOTHING mutual) and then I looked at his page and saw that he put he's in a relationship. He even added that girl first and a few more people.
Even though I faced the fact that he's gone and never bothered him again after finding out about the little girl, I can't believe he still continued to communicate with her as if he didn't care about me. She is so not pretty and she is like 6 years younger than him. Plus she lives like 6 hours away and he doesn't even travel. He travels about once a year with his brother and best friend. I know he's not my problem anymore and I shouldn't be thinking about him, but I don't seem to understand why he never called to see if I was really pregnant,check on me, to end it right,or say how he really felt.
He just changed his number and said nothing. He only weekly checks his old myspace that includes me and kept me as his first friend. He never adds friends and his other friends are old people who never get on. So I felt as if he would look at my page to find things but I never scooped to his level and added a new guy to my top or changed my staus whenever I dated someone. I just left it the same to prove I really was gone and then I recently just deleted him. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? WHY CAN'T I ERASE HIM FROM MY MIND? We only dated 8months but it was the happiest 8 months of our lives. He was so good to me and turned bitter.

[talaniman]

Intense feeling take a long time to get over, especially with drama, and confusion involved. Stop looking at his social old page. That's a part of NO Contact, so you can heal without torturing yourself with wondering what he is doing.

[icequeen88]

I am trying. But that feeling of "Why what did he see in her? And why did he just leave?" keeps haunting me. What was his problem?
By the way, why is this thread merged with my old thread that pertains to something totally different?

[Showme_urmove]

Woow sorry for what you went through.
When we lose someone we truly love, we always have the what if's, how can they just leave and be happy while your crying every night wanting them back in your life.
Like what tal said, stay away from his social network. That's what NC is about.
We will always have the what if's and all the questions, if you only focus on that every day, you will never heal and you will always be in pain. Let go, it was 8 months learn from this and better yourself. Never let one person decide your happiness. His a loser and your way better from how you explain it, act like one, act like you're the better person believe it not just say it. The more you dig on things you can't control the more you will be in pain.
You said your pretty, smart, and your what every man wants. Why are you still worrying about the past. Get yourself a better man and learn from this one.

To answer your question

why did he just leave

He left cause you were acting needy and cligy, I can be wrong bit seems like you were. You gave yourself to easily to him, and he knows that he has all the power in the relationship, he knows that he can just go with someone else and get you back anytime he wishes. You gave yourself to easy even though you two are no longer together. The more you do that the more power your giving him. He knows he can play you and it hurts you.

[icequeen88]

woow sorry for what you went through.
When we lose someone we truly love, we always have the what if's, how can they just leave and be happy while your crying everynight wanting them back in your life.
Like what tal said, stay away from his social network. Thats what NC is about.
we will always have the what if's and all the questions, if you only focus on that every day, you will never heal and you will always be in pain. Let go, it was 8 months learn from this and better yourself. Never let one person decide your happiness. His a loser and your way better from how you explain it, act like one, act like your the better person believe it not just say it. The more you dig on things you can't control the more you will be in pain.
You said your pretty, smart, and your what every man wants. Why are you still worrying about the past. Get yourself a better man and learn from this one.

To answer your question

he left cause you were acting needy and cligy, I can be wrong bit seems like you were. You gave yourself to easily to him, and he knows that he has all the power in the relationship, he knows that he can just go with someone else and get you back anytime he wishes. You gave yourself to easy eventhough you two are no longer together. The more you do that the more power your giving him. He knows he can play you and it hurts you.

Thank you for your opinion and advice. And yes I am so much better than that. I am attractive and smart it's just that I have to stop looking at his pages and I will work on that because he is my past and needs to stay in the past. I have to admit I did act clingy towards the end ONLY (because we were drifting apart) and sometimes I want to cry because I feel ashamed. I am proud of myself for disappearing after letting him know I found out about the girl though. I just don't want him to rememeber me as a crazy obsessive ex or something... but who cares? Right? At least I vanished after finding out he was seeing someone else. I just wish I could hurry and erase that embarrassing feeling. Besides, he should already know I will not want him back after finding out about that girl because one time he cheated before and I was going to leave him. He knew I was very strict when it came to infidelity. But o well whatever forget him.