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missy298 · Jun 14, 2010, 10:10 AM

I have been dating a man for 6 months now and am not physically attracted to him at all. He is a wonderful man, educated, successful, and treats me like a lady. We have fun together and enjoy listenting to music, going out to eat and being active. We are both in our late forties.

He smokes and doesn't exercise. He knows how I feel about his smoking and says he will quit. I am very physcally fit and he is not. Guess this is why I am not physically attracted to him. He wants to move forward in our relationship. How important is lack of attraction in a relationship when all other things are good? Can this attraction develop over time for me or should I just move on?

positiveparent · Jun 14, 2010, 10:14 AM

It would seem you're both in this relationship for different reason, you for the companionship, but he wants to become physical, perhaps you need to tell him this.

If you were attracted to him in the true relationship sense then his smoking wouldn't bother you or not so much.

I think maybe as times progressed you have both got your wires crossed.

So you really need to get it across to him that you don't want what he wants, if you're not attracted to him now, then its highly unlikely you ever will be.

redhed35 · Jun 14, 2010, 10:25 AM

Love is a funny thing, I knew my boyfriend for a year before we got together,and hand on heart I did not find him attractive,however as I got to know him and spend time together,he physically became more appealing to me,now I think he's hot!

If its his inactive lifestyle how about suggesting doing an activity together,it will be good to spend time doing something and its good for both your health.

Bad health habits are hard to break,if you think the relationship is worth a shot then try and find a common active pursuit that you both enjoy.

There is also the adage,the nice guy is not always the right guy,if there is no magic,maybe its time to call it quits and give both of you a chance to find love else where.

ruggles1127 · Jun 14, 2010, 10:55 AM

At one time in life I would have told you that physical attraction is very improtant. BUT, when I met my husband I wasn't attracted him to him.. and I gave him time because I liked being around him... and now, I couldn't imagine life with another man.. my advice is to talk to said person about your feeling about moving forward in the relationship before you do, and then give the situation time.

talaniman · Jun 14, 2010, 11:30 AM

There should be no moving forward until you can answer for yourself, is the lack of attraction worth it, or not.

Maybe you see him as a good long term friend, and not a lover. That's okay as long as your honest about it, with HIM, and YOURSELF. Given his expectations after 6 months, he is due the truth, because he seems to be in this as deep as you are. Talk about it!

If it ain't clickin', it just ain't clickin'!! And there should be no shame in that. To be fair, I have seen more problems from too much physical attraction, and nothing else to back it up!

missy298 · Jun 14, 2010, 11:53 AM

Originally Posted by positiveparent

It would seem youre both in this relationship for different reason, you for the companionship, but he wants to become physical, perhaps you need to tell him this.

If you were attracted to him in the true relationship sense then his smoking wouldnt bother you or not so much.

I think maybe as times progressed you have both got your wires crossed.

So you really need to get it across to him that you dont want what he wants, if youre not attracted to him now, then its highly unlikely you ever will be.

Thank you for your responses. I'm very confused on what to do. I had a recent relationship with a man who I was ""very" attracted to but he did not have some of the qualities I am looking for in a lasting relationship. He was getting serious. I just didn't think it would work so am not seeing him right now.. although still think about him a lot. Now I meet this new man who has most of the qualities I am looking for but I don't find him attractive. I'm so lonely and tired of being alone. It's hard to find that special person. I just don't want to make a mistake and settle at this point in my life.

talaniman · Jun 14, 2010, 12:08 PM

I always thought the fun was in the looking for that special person, or at least have as many interviews as possible, LOL.

No matter your age, get it right the way you want it. You found him, and the guy before him, so chances are you will find another. There are a few million out there so there is never any hurry to make a commitment you may regret.

You know what they say about kissing frogs, and my personal rule for being single is,

Talaniman Rule - Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy!!!

The key to a good life is being honest with yourself, and the people you deal with.

I wish · Jun 14, 2010, 12:15 PM

His looks aren't going to change. Take it or leave it.

You don't need to beat yourself up about analyzing your preferences. Accept him for who he is as a package and then decide if that's the type of person you want to be with as a package and not simply because of particular traits.

missy298 · Jun 14, 2010, 12:27 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I always thought the fun was in the looking for that special person, or at least have as many interviews as possible, LOL.

No matter your age, get it right the way you want it. You found him, and the guy before him, so chances are you will find another. There are a few million out there so there is never any hurry to make a commitment you may regret.

You know what they say about kissing frogs, and my personal rule for being single is,

Talaniman Rule - Date them all. Short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18-80, blind, cripple, or crazy!!!

The key to a good life is being honest with yourself, and the people you deal with.

LOL. Thank you.. you made me laugh. I guess I do need to kiss a few frogs before I hopefully find my prince. Stiil looking I guess...

talaniman · Jun 14, 2010, 01:36 PM

There is nothing wrong with dating many. Personally, I think people should have fun getting to know each other on a casual basis, 6 months is good, before even thinking of being exclusive to them.

I have found that the ones that can't deal with it, fall by the way side soon, so you don't have to waste time with those that can't get with the program. You also weed out the ones with no-good agendas, and allow yourself time to see a persons true character, and then you can decide if its worth it or not to take any further risks to your heart.

I see you as not being all that convinced to take a risk right now, so why should you? As for the other guy, the same rules apply.

If it ain't no fun in the beginning, what's the point, and you can always go back for a second look, with out become attached, or committed, until YOU are ready.

The more options, and opportunities, the better the decision.

The only difference between a player, and a good human, is HONESTY, and there is no risk to learning more about YOURSELF, while you learn about them. Heck why not enjoy the process until you are ready for the risk??