[rocklobster]

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a little over a year now.
she's 17 and I'm 18. We have worked on a lot and have helped each other
get through some pretty tough times this past year.

But through a lot of this stuff she has lied, and kept certain things from
me. Not to say I haven't done some stuff to hurt her too, but lying is something I don't tolerate no matter how big or small the lie is.

example1: we are at her house and we are about to have sex and realise we
don't have a condom. But then she goes into the bathroom and pulls out a condom. At first I thought OK, cool she has a condom. But the more I thought about it the more I wondered why she just had some random condoms laying around. She told me she went to the store and bought them, so I ask, OK then where are the rest in the box. After that she finally had to admit something. She told me that she had recently found it from cleaning out her closet and didn't want to tell me it was from a past relationship.

example2: I am picking her up from school and she tells me that she is still in class. So I get out of the car and walk to her class room. Guess who wasn't in there, the whole class wasn't there. So I call her and ask her where she is and she insists that she is still in class. I confront her and say I am standing right outside the door and no one is in there. She then later admits that she was trying to buy some weed and wanted to "surprise" me because at the time I was smoking quite often.

example3: she tells me that one of her old friends is coming back into the state and that she was wondering if he could crash at her house for a couple nights. I obviously say no its not all right with me. She sais that's OK, but then later on I find out that this guy had told her that he likes her and what makes me the most angry is that she didn't tell me this information when asking me if he could stay. What the is that suppose to tell me.


its just stupid like that, I haven't caught her lying in a long time, but I still feel like I can't trust her. She wants to go to a adam lambert concert with one of her friends that's a girl and I don't feel like I can even trust her to do that without worrying.

I love her. But even those little lies have really hurt for some reason.

[positiveparent]

If there's no trust then there's no Love.

Obviously in telling you lies this girl has caused you to distrust her, so why don't you just get out, and end it with this girl, if you cannot trust her to tell you the truth then why go on torturing yourself?

When this girl gets caught in a lie she tells more lies to get out of the first lie, I would think she has some self esteem issues, but she also knows right from wrong.

You could try tallking to her about it calmly and let her know that no matter what you prefer the truth, and if she falls back into old pattern of lying, then call it a day.

If you don't you'll just end up with both of you being miserable and your relationship will end away, so why prolong the inevitable.

[septemberlove]

First, it's not your job/right to give her permission to do things (like have a friend stay over, or go to a concert). You are her boyfriend, not her husband.

Second, I totally get why you don't trust her. Lying is complete disrespect and previous poster is right, where there is no trust there is no relationship.

If you really love her, and want this to work you have to understand that it's going to take time for her to learn that it's okay for her to be honest with you. Tell her how you feel, and let her know that if she lies again (about anything) then the consequence will be losing you. Follow through.

She may not be ready for a relationship. The kind of lies you are describing sound like they are coming from someone who is insecure and unable to be herself. No one can be in a healthy relationship without loving themselves and being emotionally healthy as an individual first.

Hope this helps.