[Spontaneouslemon]

I know it's long but please read on, I met a very special guy and would love any advice on this...

So I met this guy who’ve I’ve seen twice. The first time was at a mutual friend’s 27th birthday party. I saw him he immediately seemed interested in me as he got out of his way multiple times to talk to me, and looked over at me as he talked to others, etc,…The only problem was that I didn’t really flirt back, because I’m not too much of a flirt. We ended up playing sex truth or dare organized by an iPhone app (birthday girl’s game of choice…) and my dare was to do a seductive dance for him. I gave him a lap dance (nothing too dirty of course…) and then felt like a slut (mostly because I then realized a seductive dance doesn’t NECESSARILY have to be a lap dance, I could’ve just danced in front of him, anyway honest misinterpretation).. To summarize, I ended up shaking his hand at the end of the night rather than giving him a hug just cause had to minimize the slut feeling as much as I could…Anyway, after talking to some guy friends about how worried I was about not showing him enough interest, they advised that I add him on Facebook, which I did. (Which I at first opposed because it would clearly mean I SEARCHED for him and everything, but hey sounded like it could be a good idea to show that I was interested).
Anyway, our mutual friend organized another get together at a club/bar two days later and he was there. And contrary to my fears of him being completely freaked out by me, he showed immediate interest as he did the first time we met: He spotted me from across the room, looked at me as he talked to other people (women and men), and gave me his utmost attention when he talked to me. As we talked (which happened a bit later through the night, after talking amongst groups, and other people…) we slowly separated from the group and talked only to each other. As he talked to me he would touch my arm slightly and smile a lot. I could tell he was interested, and he didn’t seem like he was loosely flirting with me, he looked genuinely interested. Anyway, fast forward to the end of the night, we ended up going to a diner (all of us) and Charles ended up driving myself and another guy friend (who was gay, just specifying so no one thinks he may have been threatened by him in any way.) And the others went in another car. After the eating, Charles drove us back to the club/bar to get our cars from the valet. Our friend Doug, who we had also just met that night said by to Charles as I gathered my purse, and waited out the door for me, then I said bye Charles, THIS time giving him a hug and said it was great to see him. As I gave him a hug, he kissed me on the cheek.

Anyway, seems like he’s interested for sure right? At least that is the impression I got from him, but he never asked me for my number and hasn’t contacted me on Facebook. My friends think he didn’t ask for my number because it may have been an awkward point to get it (he dropped us off on a red curb, and Doug was waiting out the door), but he could have asked for it earlier in the night no? Also, the night only happened one night ago (not last night but the night before) so maybe it’s too early for him to contact me? But maybe not? I’m so confused because every single he gave me was that he was interested, and yet he didn’t mention once that we should hang out, or that he wants to see me again or anything. He comes from Chicago, I don’t know if that means anything and he is the nicest most genuine guy ever, so I would really doubt he would be playing me or anything. We’re both actors, and represented by the same management, and Doug and our other mutual friend work at the office and have both said he is such an innocent and nice guy. So if he’s not toying with me, whyyyy is he not contacting me? Is he waiting for another group event to see each other? Which will happen, but it may not be that soon! Should I just wait and see, and contact him in a week if he hasn’t contacted me yet? Or should I just wait till the next time I see him (if he hasn’t yet contacted me…) Is this normal behavior? Also he just moved in LA in January so he’s new…if that means anything…Anyway, I haven’t liked a guy in 6 months since I broke up with my boyfriend, and I’ve only kissed one guy (my ex) because I rarely find guys who interest me. Not in a pretentious way, it’s just that I have a hard time connecting with many guys in LA. But he is absolutely adorable and I would hate to let him go. Also, I’m 21, and he’s much older. I don’t know how much older but on one of his websites it says he was in college in 2001, so I’m thinking he’s at least 26 or 27, but maay be older. He definitely doesn’t look any older than 30 and on his acting resume it says his age range is 20-26, even though it doesn’t necessarily mean he is in that age range.

ANYWAY sorry for the long message, just want to make sure I include everything. Any advice would be greatly appreciated! He’s a special guy!

Thanks in advance!


Forgot to mention that I definitely flirted with him on the second night. Even Doug said it looked like we were both very into each other...

[Clough]

Hi, Spontaneouslemon!

Okay, it does seem that Charles is into you and likes you.

Is acting what the two of you do for a living, please?

Thanks!

[Spontaneouslemon]

Yes we both pursue acting, why do you ask?

[Clough]

If he's not going to be around all that much longer, then it's possible that he might not want to get that involved with someone.

I don't really know, though...

What circuit do you play if you might currently be employed in theater, please?

Thanks!

[Spontaneouslemon]

I'm not currently doing theater, I do television and film, and so does he. But he's not working on anything currently and he doesn't plan on moving, he just moved to LA! So he's definitely residing here and here to stay so that can't be the reason..

[Clough]

It looks like you'll have some mutual friends where you might be able to see him again anyway, perhaps soon.

Any chance you could get a party together and invite him?

[Spontaneouslemon]

Yes, I have no doubt I will get to see him again. I don't know when exactly, possibly next Friday because Doug, the other guy who was at the party may invite him. I'm just confused as to why he wouldn't have contacted me or asked for my number... maybe it is because we will see each other again at some point. But it won't be a date and it's still not precise on when we would see each other again so I would have thought he would maybe like to secure a time and place for us to get together.. but he obviously hasn't...

[Clough]

You've just turned 21 not that long ago. Correct?

[Spontaneouslemon]

Yes, but I am a mature 21 year old. People always think I'm 25-26 because of my personality... in case you believe that may be a problem for him?

[Clough]

I don't know...

Is there any way that you can find out for sure how old he is?

[jmjoseph]

It seems to me that he is indeed interested. As to why he is being reluctant is anyone's guess. Maybe he's playing the mysterious card, in a "cat and mouse" kind of way.

Can you contact him? If so, tell him that you would like to get together to talk shop, or have something else to talk about. Mention that you felt some type of connection with him.

What's to lose?

Give it a shot.

Life is full of choices. I would be impressed that you showed interest in me. I would think that you are a little tenacious. Which is sexy.

Treat this as an audition of sorts. If you saw a job posting that you KNEW you would be perfest for, wouldn't you put your "A" game on?

Use the lap dance "misinterpretation" as an ice breaker. Talk about his city's acting opportunities.

The bottom line is that life is too short for you to not go after something that you seemingly like at first glance. Don't go through life wondering: What if?

I just hope that he didn't end up getting Doug's number. Just kidding.(?)

I was the type of single guy who would have asked for your number right after the first point of interest. From EITHER of us.

I wish you luck.

Let us know how it works out for you.

[Romefalls19]

Honestly, in these days, I'd just give him your number and tell him to call you sometime to meet up for drinks. There was definite chemistry, now just take some control and slip him your number.

[I wish]

If he was interested, he would make a move. If you are interested, then you should make a move.

Sounds like you're both dancing around the question of who's going to make the first move.

It's the 21st century, why not you? Ask him if he's interested in hanging out on Facebook and see what happens.

If he says yes, then great! If he says no, he would have said no later on anyway, it won't make a difference how long you wait.

[Ash123]

No idea. You both sound flirty. So, one more time together my guess is you would know... If you don't it's not worth guessing anymore. Ask HIM out to dinner or let it go if you need a sign.

[talaniman]

Seems to me you have things to find out about this new thrilling stranger in your life, when next you meet. No need to rush head first into this, but get some answers as to who he is, and what's his situation is before you get all worked up.

Yes there seems to be a connection, attraction, or some interest, but what kind, only time will tell. There is a reason why he didn't pursue you more, or got your number, shy maybe, cautious, or just doesn't work that way, but that's to be found out later, so be patient, and ready, if you do meet him again. At least if he is available, and NOT gay, or bi.

He is a stranger in a strange land, so be patient, and alert. He could also be a player, on the hunt, but you never know, just go slow, and let it flow naturally.


Its always exciting, and fun, when you meet someone, and your so thrilled you don't know what to do. Just be yourself, and find out more for yourself.

[Spontaneouslemon]

Thank you all for your advice! I really appreciate it. I may see him tomorrow at another mutual friend's party. If I see him, I will let you know how it goes...

[Spontaneouslemon]

Threads merged

Ok so I've talked about this guy before in "I'm 95% sure he's interested..."
To get the full story but to sum it up. I met this guy I know was interested in me, through all the signals he was giving me it was obvious: arm touching, staring, and he kissed me on the cheek at the end of the night. Plus yesterday (morning) a friend of mine confirmed that at a party when another mutual friend asked who he liked at the party he said me.
Anyway, he definitely seemed very interested but never asked for my number or contacted me through Facebook even though we were friends (I added him). Anyway, last night I just happened to have bumped into him at a bar/hotel type thing. Of course, I was incredibly excited and he came up to me to say hi and we both introduced our group of friends. We chatted briefly and he said he'd see me later on in the night. Anyway, "later on" came, and he never really approached me. Only, at one point he was stepping out of the bathroom hallway and looked like he was maybe searching for his friends behind a friend of mine but it also kind of looked like he was stalling to talk to me (but that may just be me). Anyway, we locked eyes and we kind of did the "so what's going on" talk thing, and he said he kept losing his friends, and then we kind of talked about his work and mine and started to talk about how he liked his life in los angeles (he moved this year from chicago). Anyway, after I asked him about that, he said he liked it, then said "I'm sorry, let me talk to my friends for a sec, I'll talk to you in a sec" (or something of the sort), and he left. Now, I don' t know if I was supposed to stand there and wait for him, but I didn't. It just felt strange that he would end the conversation and say something like that. Maybe "I need to tell my friends something real quick 1 sec stay here" would have worked but here, he said TALK to them? Anyway, I went to find my friends who were just a few feet from his and his friends, and chatted with them. By chatted, of course I mean ranted. As I was ranting Charles'(that's his name) roommate came right next to my friend and leaned on a chair looking around. It kind of looked as if he was trying to listen to our conversation. Anyway, Charles never came back to talk to me, and he didn't even say bye.

That is where my confusion begins. I was talking to a guy friend who was at the party and he said that that was a very common guy thing to do, and guys usually do that to get girls they really want to get them thinking. I believe, as annoying as immature as it is, it could be that he was doing that cause that would then explain why his roommate may have been listening in on the conversation to hear my reaction. That's also how a good friend of mine landed his girlfriend by blowing her off at first which strangely intrigued her. I'll state right now, that I do not find it to be a turn on at all. Anyway, it's also important to note that he was there with a good amount of friends, guys and girls. And at many points throughout the night he was talking to these two girls who came with him. He had also paid for their drinks when coming in (he bought his at the same time as my friends and I), so I'm thinking maybe he came with a date or something and felt strange talking to me. (but couldn't he have just said that? ) Or I mean there is also the option that he's just not that into me anymore. But wouldn't that be a very quick change of feeling? I mean, maybe the conversation wasn't too great at first (jobs, what's going on in your life.. you know pretty typical get to know you stuff) but I feel like people make an effort when they are interested... and last night did not feel like the two other nights I had seem him a few weeks ago (It was about2 weeks ago I think.. ) The two first nights I met him, he was all over me and looked like he would never let me go. Here, he was polite and nice (until he basically blew me off! ) but there wasn't that pulling attraction that was there the previous nights..

Thoughts?

[jmjoseph]

This makes no sense to me. I always made my intentions known when I was single. Maybe he has a different game. Or maybe he is a little shy. Who knows?

I would go on with my life, and if it's meant to be... then it will happen.

Or, you can contact him, and ask HIM out.

Good luck to you.

[Spontaneouslemon]

Thanks jmjoseph, I wouldn't mind asking him out but now I'm questioning if he's even still interested? And I was really put off by the way he handled the situation. It felt like he blew me off and didn't want to talk to me. This may not be the case, but I just don't know where I stand anymore

[jmjoseph]

Thanks jmjoseph, I wouldn't mind asking him out but now I'm questioning if he's even still interested?? And I was really put off by the way he handled the situation. It felt like he blew me off and didn't want to talk to me. This may not be the case, but I just don't know where I stand anymore

Don't let it crush yourself esteem. I sounds like he was kind of rude anyway.

Find yourself a man who knows how to treat a woman right. The world is full of them. Well, there are still some out there. We still have some down here!