[typhani07]

Basically this guy and I originally decided about 4 months ago to be friends with benefits but with the possibility of a relationship later. Lately we both admitted to actually liking each other. He always ask me if I miss him or just the sex we have. He always ask me what's on my mind when we are together. I get the feeling he likes a lot but doesn't want to put himself out there until he knows how I feel. I recently told him I felt like I was falling in love with him. I asked him if it scared him that I felt that way and he replied hell no it doesn't scare me. That's all he said about it. What does that mean?

[Jake2008]

Why can't friends with benefits mean, going bowling or sharing a cup of coffee, or a movie. Why the sex. I don't think I'll ever understand that, but here's my take on what you have asked.

In my opinion, a relationship starts with a friendship, without sex as a foundation. That you both agreed to the terms of the 'relationship', with certain expectations for possibly a relationship down the road, still remains a sexual only connection, until you change the terms of the arrangement.

If you really want to know if you have a chance to develop serious feelings for him, then stop the sex, and start dating.

You already know him via sex, and pillow talk. Now see how he is in the real world.

I hesitate to talk about morals and values, because I think we are not on the page in that regard. I would never have a sex-only relationship with a man, and call it a friendship. But, that's your interpretation and I'm not one to judge anybody.

What I am trying to say is, learn about him, and give him the opportunity to learn about you, in an intimate way, that does not involve sex.

Your thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams, where you see yourself going in this world, what you think of major news stories such as the BP Oil spill, the war in Iraq, politics in general if it interests you and you read newspapers. Your family, your friends, siblings, religious views. Do you like pets, zoo's, volunteer work. What hobies do you have like biking, swimming, music, art. How you basically view the world, and yourself in it, and how the two of you have something in common to hold you together, other than sex.

Could you see him with clothes on, and involved in your life more extensively. Would you have him meet your family, and be proud to call him your boyfriend. Would you feel comfortable in his world, with all of the above.

Is there more to the relationship, or could there be more to the relationship other than a no commitment, wham bam thank you mam, let's order a pizza kind of way.

You use him for basically sex, he uses you for sex, and the two of you are friends.

If there is more, you need to seriously re-think the relationship you have now, and come up with a plan to get to know each other in different ways.

[Homegirl 50]

I don't know, maybe it means he is open to a relationship but I like Jake think you guys ought to get to know each other outside of sex.
If you are friends and add sex to it, why are you not dating each other? Does he have sex with other people, is he dating someone else?
Cut the sex and see if your relationship is just sex or if it's real.

[talaniman]

It means he is open to having more than just sex with you, and maybe take the friendship to the next level. That means actually doing things together, besides just having sex.

[Fr_Chuck]

I think it means that a relationship was started and based on sex. And that during this time sex has been the main issue.

Why not build a real relationship. Talking and doing things. Perhaps even slowing up the sex and building a relationship if that is where you want it to go

[lickemlolly]

Unfortunantly that is the downside of friends with benefits and many people fall victim to catching feelings... more often then not its one sided but it sounds to me here like perhaps he may be interested in something a little more then friends with benefits.. have you ever just come out and asked him.. rather then just wondering? seems like the most plausible thing to do here

[asking]

It means he likes the idea of you loving him. It doesn't mean he feels the same. He might, but he might also just be enjoying your affection and becoming used to it. Everybody likes attention. This isn't love.

What you are feeling is probably 9/10ths habituation. You are used to him, you are having sex with him, you think you are in love. I think Jake raised a lot of important questions you should be asking yourself.

[positiveparent]

He likes having a bonking partner that he doesn't need to work or do much to get the panties down, and whilst he can get the sex with no work he's going to take take take, then one day little miss she's my kind of girl comes along and you won't see his arris for ashes, hell be gone before you can ask hey wheres my knickers. If you're friends ask him outright, are we just going to be rabbits or more than this . Hell soon disappear if he has no plans of more. However I think you went about it all the wrong way around, relationship first sex after.

We olders ladies mostly know if they're going to get lucky then they've got to work and woo you date you etc. I would rather go without sex for ever more than be a friend with benefits, so what is it you get as a benefit,? Never give it away. It doesn't work out as a benefit for the girlies just the guys.