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baggins7733 · May 30, 2010, 06:42 AM

After 12 years, a 10 year old, home, great family, and friends my partner left me, 5 months agao, said not feeling it anymore. He has moved in with his parents, sees our child regularly, there is no one else, he just said not feeling it anymore and decided he did not even want to try. I feel lately he is having some regrets about leaving or maybe just hopeful thinking on my part, I would not take immediately back, he would have to work hard to get me back, as he hurt me very much. I believe he owed me and his child every effort he had to make it work. The crazy thing is we always got along with each other, he was my best friend, we had little arguments but nothing major. Sometime I think he is going through a mid live crisis. Believe I went through the crazy part, begging, following however at this point no longer, just having fun and leaving him alone, only about our child. I always ask him how he is and how are things, he never asks me how I am and how are things. Am I crazy for still holding some hope.

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 08:01 AM

No your not crazy, its only human that old attachments take a long time to break, and make adjustments too. Eventually you will, but it won't be soon, think years.

That's your doing your own thing is a great sign that you will make those adjustments for yourself.

Its normal when there are younger children involved and you have to have contact to co-parent, that feelings still exist, and get stirred up still, that we think back to happier times and feelings so don't look for miracles as you cope with your feelings on a regular basis.

baggins7733 · May 30, 2010, 08:13 AM

I am trying to hard to move on, I went on a trip with friends and had a great time, it was just what I needed. I wonder though when I got home, he did not even mention my trip, did not ask if I had fun, or even mention that I had nice tan, nothing. I thanked him for staying in the home with our child for the whole week and even took him home a tshirt as a thanks. Now he seems to want to come over more, like to hook up the pool and so on. I do not want to mislead myself, and I hate that I have hope, but I will not let him see that I am in any way sad anymore, I am happy, upbeat and always busy, keep conversation light, but I do miss him so.

How can someone just walk away from a great life after 12 years together? I still do not get it, I probably never will

Devorameira · May 30, 2010, 02:06 PM

It's hard to say what's on his mind. Since he's already told you that he "isn't feeling it anymore", I wouldn't get up my hopes.

Could be that he's hooking up the pool, etc. to benefit your daughter.
It's really impossible to say.

Best thing you can do it to treat this as a total break up and move on.

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 02:19 PM

How old are you both? Just curious (and nosy), and have there been any major changes in your lives lately. My guess is low to mid thirties by your child age but, there could be older ones "not at home"? Is this a first marriage for you both?

I don't know what's on his mind, or what made his feelings change, and have a need for space, as most of us have a man cave to crawl into, but some background would help.

baggins7733 · May 30, 2010, 03:16 PM

Back ground is, we have been together for 12 years, not married, was never really important, late 30's he is going to be 39 this year, I am 40. We have always gotten a long well together, I have an older daughter who is away in school, he keeps in contact with her, takes her and boyfriend out for supper when he goes to city and calls or emails her for updates on her life. There was no major changes in our lives, "wife", loved him with all my heart, took care of him and son, ha ha even let him indulge in his man cave on Sundays to watch football, I was happy, he says he was not. |friends do not understand him, he had everything what else could someone really want. Our son will never be the same, the hurt cuts deeply, for the both of us, I am positive with our son and give him no false hopes of reconciliation. For now, I am just trying to be happy in front of people, but when I am alone, I am very sad, try not to be alone too much. Taking one day at a time, I look better than I have ever, stress is a major weight loss program, although I was not really over weight, but lost 20 lbs. I never thought I would be here, not at my age, did not and do not want to start over again. I am concentrating on my son, I do not know what else to say.

talaniman · May 30, 2010, 03:50 PM

I do not know what else to say.

Honestly neither do I, since you seem to be doing the right things for yourself, and I think you keep doing it the way you have until you do get answers, and facts. Something has changed him, but until that comes to light give him his space as he seems to need it badly.

This is a great place to visit when you need to vent, or kick around some ideas, but I suspect this has little to do with you, and a lot to do with him. Hang in there, you have our support, and prayers.

I wish I had more.

baggins7733 · May 30, 2010, 06:45 PM

Thank you so much for your encouragement. It is good, I believe, to get unbiased suggestions. I do not talk to his (our) friends about it, and my family and close friends are biased, obviously, lol. It feels good to put how I am feeling into words, and again really appreciate your honesty. I will be moving on as I have been, every day gets a little easier. I just believe that the longer we are separated the less chance of reconciliation especially on my part. Sometimes I wonder if I really do want him back, and ask the questions what has really done for me in the past to make me happy or was I just happy for the sake of being happy. Anyway no more ranting, again thank you for lending me an ear. God Bless